Go Back   Customers Suck! > Community > Jokes

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes

  #111  
Old 06-21-2007, 07:56 AM
counterjockey's Avatar
counterjockey counterjockey is offline
Should Be Drinking Tea Instead
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: IA USA
Posts: 99
Default

Ooh! I got another one!

The other day I was in the car, and I saw a salmon truck get pulled over for going the wrong way up a one-way street.

...


...


...laugh now. This is about when most people get it.
__________________
"Love keeps her in the air when she ought fall down, let's you know she's hurting 'fore she keens...makes her a home."

  #112  
Old 06-24-2007, 10:30 PM
Irving Patrick Freleigh's Avatar
Irving Patrick Freleigh Irving Patrick Freleigh is offline
\_(ツ)_/
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: burning pink camo dumpster
Posts: 14,081
Default

What's the proper medical term for the circumcision of a male rabbit?


A hare cut.
__________________
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

"I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  #113  
Old 06-25-2007, 07:29 PM
DigitalEngine's Avatar
DigitalEngine DigitalEngine is offline
Stellar Skylines
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: In your head
Posts: 28
Default

Okay, haven't posted in a looong time since I don't work in retail anymore, but I just couldn't resist.
------------------------------------------
A man was riding his horse down a deserted country lane. Suddenly, a cat came out of nowhere and darted across the street. The man quickly pulled on the reins just in time to stop the horse from trampling the cat. The cat stared at the man and snapped, "What's the matter with you? Are you blind?"
The man went "A talking cat?!"
"I know, I could hardly believe it myself," said the horse.


Three women boarded the elevator in their apartment building. In the elevator, they noticed a strange stain on the wall.
The first woman took a closer look, and said, "That looks like cum."
The second woman came over and sniffed the stain, and said "It sure smells like cum,"
The third woman joined them and licked the stain, and said "It is cum! But it's not from anyone in this building."


I'm bad, I know
__________________
-It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.
-I see the strongest and smartest men who have ever lived. And these men are pumping gas and waiting tables.-Fight Club

  #114  
Old 06-25-2007, 11:04 PM
Irving Patrick Freleigh's Avatar
Irving Patrick Freleigh Irving Patrick Freleigh is offline
\_(ツ)_/
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: burning pink camo dumpster
Posts: 14,081
Default

Didja know that Jeffrey Dahmer was a chain-smoker?

Yes it's true! They found a bunch of butts behind his couch!

__________________
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

"I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

  #115  
Old 06-27-2007, 11:53 AM
Fera Festiva's Avatar
Fera Festiva Fera Festiva is offline
Booklending wench
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Skidrow-on-Sea, UK
Posts: 110
Default

Quote:
Quoth DigitalEngine View Post
Three women boarded the elevator in their apartment building. In the elevator, they noticed a strange stain on the wall.
The first woman took a closer look, and said, "That looks like cum."
The second woman came over and sniffed the stain, and said "It sure smells like cum,"
The third woman joined them and licked the stain, and said "It is cum! But it's not from anyone in this building."
The version of that joke I know ends with, "It is dog shit! Lucky we didn't step in it."

__________________
Me non rogo, hic modo laboro.

think about it...
  #116  
Old 07-15-2007, 06:58 AM
wynjara wynjara is offline
Blaaaaargh
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 145
Default think about it...

Implied bad language warning...

There's a penguin with no arms and no legs (or flippers or wings or...) lying on the side of the freeway. How does he get himself across the freeway?
.
.
.

He took the F out of Free and the F out of Way.
.
.
.

Think about it...
.
.
.


Exactly. There *is* no F-in' way.

You can read these... write? ..right? ..rite?
  #117  
Old 07-22-2007, 05:42 PM
Professional Serf's Avatar
Professional Serf Professional Serf is offline
99% Bonobo, 1% trouble
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Basilica of St. Apathy
Posts: 45
Default You can read these... write? ..right? ..rite?

Can you read these right the first time?

01) The bandage was wound around the wound.
02) The farm was used to produce produce.
03) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .
04) We must polish the Polish furniture.
05) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
06) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
07) Since there is no time like the present , he thought it was time to present the present
08) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
09) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
__________________
__________________
Shut up and jump.

  #118  
Old 07-22-2007, 06:13 PM
Professional Serf's Avatar
Professional Serf Professional Serf is offline
99% Bonobo, 1% trouble
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Basilica of St. Apathy
Posts: 45
Default

A man went into the doctor's office and said that he had a weird ailment. The doc asked him what was wrong. The guy told the doc to lean over and listen to his hipbone. The doctor did.

"Please, mister, could you loan me $10?" a voice from the hip said.

The doctor stood up quickly and looked at the man puzzled saying, "I've never heard anything like that in all my years of practice!"

"That's nothing, doc. Listen to my knee."

The doc leans over and puts his ear near the guy's knee.

"Sir, you seem like a kind soul. Could you give me $1?"

The doc's eyes widened and he was baffled.

"Take a listen to my shin, doc."

So the doctor leaned to listen to his shin.

"Sir, could you give me $5? It would help me tremendously."

"So what do you think? What's wrong with me?" asked the man.

To which the doctor replied, "I'm not real sure why there's voices coming from you, but I can tell you this. Your leg is broke in 3 places."
__________________
Shut up and jump.

  #119  
Old 12-24-2009, 11:28 AM
Rapscallion's Avatar
Rapscallion Rapscallion is offline
Just some guy
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wiffletown
Posts: 11,248
Default

Two germs walk into a bar and order some drinks.

The barman say, "sorry we don't serve germs in here"

So one of them replies, "it's okay we work here. We're Staph".

Rapscallion

  #120  
Old 12-25-2009, 10:49 PM
Lace Neil Singer's Avatar
Lace Neil Singer Lace Neil Singer is offline
Urge to kill, rising...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: England
Posts: 4,415
Default

A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A police spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop-clop-clop? An amish drive-by shooting.
__________________
People who don't like cats were probably mice in an earlier life.
My DeviantArt.
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:31 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.