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You know if you'd just shut up we'd be done already...
Old 07-30-2018, 12:25 AM
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CrazedClerkthe2nd CrazedClerkthe2nd is offline
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Default You know if you'd just shut up we'd be done already...

Autorage system ACTIVATE!

My department handles international calls now. One thing that happens if you use your phone internationally and you DON'T have a plan is we send you a message essentially saying say: "Hey, we at <Red Checkmark> have noticed you are in FOREIGN COUNTRY. So you don't have to pay through the nose, how about calling xxx-xxx-xxx so we can set you up with a plan?"

There are also certain thresholds of usage that trigger alerts so if you incur over $100 in data usage in, say, Singapore, we send you a text message to let you know that and encourage you to get a plan.

Enter the SC...

Me: Thank you for calling <Red Checkmark>, how can I help you?
SC: This is OUTRAGEOUS! You just sent me a message saying I have over $200 in charges. That's ridiculous, that's bullshit, you can't do this to me!
Me: Okay, calm down a moment. I apologize for the confusion, let's see what's going on...
SC: What's going on? You people are trying to SCREW ME, that's what's going on! I have a plan, I paid for it, with my money and if you morons think I am paying you ONE PENNY MORE you're out of your minds!

(I go into the account and see he did get a plan...that unfortunately does NOT cover the country he's in. Also in the SCs favor is that it was one of my moron CWs who set him up on this plan. Easily fixable and we can make the new plan retroactive to wipe out the existing charges)

Me: Okay, I see here that...
SC: Unbelievable! I'm enjoying my trip and I get a message saying I have to pay over $200 extra, for cell service, for ONE DAY??? Hell,my plan back home costs me $180 a month. That's retarded.

(Sidenote: Pay per use international charges are STUPIDLY high, to the tune of over $5000/GB in some areas, that's why we strongly encourage people to get plans)

Me: I understand the frustration and I can...
SC: I don't want you to understand, I want you to fix it! I'm not paying this. Not ONE PENNY, you hear me! Not one!
Me: I get that, but...
SC: I don't need this stress. I'm on vacation, you hear me? VACATION as in, I don't want to waste my time on the phone with morons like you.
Me: I realize--
SC: And another thing! Did you know service sucks in some areas out here? Like I can barely get 3G if I'm lucky. That's horrible. This is 2018, all countries should have good cell service.
Me: Okay, sir PLEASE allow me to speak uninterrupted for just a moment. I realize you're frustrated and I realize you don't want to pay the charges and that you thought had a plan. If you'd let me talk a moment ago I would have told you that we simply set you up on the wrong plan and I can fix it and make it retroactive to wipe out all of the charges you got the message about meaning you won't have to pay them.
SC: Oh...well, okay. That sounds good.

So of course he was chill for the next few minutes while I fixed everything up and sent him on his way.

Yeah, that's going to be great for my average call time. #somuchwinning

Like a car without an engine

From the "Stuff you just can't make up" file comes this. A lady called me, said she had a <Red Checkmark> $30 prepaid card and wanted to set up service. No problem! Get the phone info, get a number selected, get her name and address and all that. Everything going smoothly until...

Me: Okay and what plan would you like to go on?
SC: I don't want one.
Me: Well, you can't have service without a plan.
SC: I never needed one before.
Me :
Me: Ma'am, I've been in this industry for a lot of years and I've never seen a phone get service without some kind of plan or package. Does that card you have state X amount of minutes or some such?
SC: No, it's just says <Red Checkmark> $30 prepaid card.
Me: Okay, then that would be a refill card. You load your account with that and then purchase a plan to get service.
SC: But I don't want a plan!
Me: Ma'am, a cell phone without a plan is like a car without an engine, it's just not going to work. We have a variety of prepaid offers that I can go over with you.
SC: What is wrong with you? Do you speak English? I don't want a plan!
Me: Then I can't activate this phone for you.
SC: Useless.... <CLICK>

I suppose she also wants a credit card account without an actual card and cable service with no television.

If I knew it wouldn't have gotten me in trouble I would have TOTALLY called her out for this stupidity.

Stop! Scammer time

SC: I want to know where my damned gift card is!
Me: Ummm, what?
SC: My gift card, where's my gift card?
Me: Was this a gift card from a phone purchase or some kind of rebate promotion?
SC: No, it was the bonus card that I won. Online.
Me: *red flags starting to go up*
SC: From the <Red checkmark> site?
SC: Yeah! A week or so ago!
(No marketing has been known to blindside us with new offers before so I decide to hit the knowledge base in hopes I am wrong about this one...as it turns out I'm not).
Me: Okay, let me ask you sir: How did you win this card? Was it a drawing?
SC: No, I just had to play that stupid game on there, where you tap the colors in the right order.
Me: And was a <Red checkmark> card the only offer you got?
SC: No, it said I could get an Amazon Gift Card or a year of Netflix or a <Red Checkmark> card. All I had to do was pay for the shipping and I'd have it in a week.
Me: Oh man...You gave the site your credit card info?
SC: Well how else was I supposed to get the card?
Me: Sir, I apologize for being the bearer of bad news but that was NOT the <Red Checkmark> site. We aren't running ANY promotions where we give away gift cards, period. I strongly advise you to report your credit card info stolen and change your online passwords IMMEDIATELY.
SC: But what about my gift card?
Me: Again sir, there is NO gift card. The site you were on is NOT run by <Red Checkmark>. This was fraudsters pretending to be us to get your info and your money from you.
SC: Look, I was told I'd be getting a $500 <Red Checkmark> card and I'm staying on this call until I get it.
Me: You were told that, but NOT by <Red Checkmark>. We have no promotions for those kinds of gift cards right now. You've been had, unfortunately, but you can protect yourself by--
Me: Sir, again. There is NO gift card. It was not a valid promotion.
SC: Fine, let's see what the BBB has to say about this! <click>

I almost want to feel bad for this guy but I can't do it because he was such a dick.

Home button blues

You'd think the home button would be an easy concept, especially since in most cases it is either the most prominent or the ONLY button on the face of the phone, but the number of customers I get who seem to have no clue how to find and/or work the damned thing is maddening.

And don't get me started on trying to teach someone how to pull down from the top of the screen.

Womp Womp

SC comes on my line, starts raging about his phone, his service. Telling us we're a bunch of cowards, crooks and liars. F this, F that. F you people and on and on and on. Like 5 plus minutes of non stop ranting and then at the end he throws this in:

"And I swear to God if you people don't F---ing fx all this s--t right now I'm leaving Sprint and taking all my lines with me!"

Yes, he had spent nearly 7 minutes cussing out the WRONG COMPANY.

Me: I'm sorry to tell you this sir, but you've actually reached <Red Checkmark>.
SC: Goddamnit. <CLICK>

I got your 5 bars right here!

I get this call several times a day.

Customer calls in yelling about how crappy their service is and how they keep dropping calls and how their phone is a piece of garbage only for me to pull up the coverage maps and discover they live in an area with - wait for it - crappy service.

Funny how that works isn't it?

Yes, I know that sucks, but Mr/Mrs. SC, YOU were the one that moved 10 miles east of the freaking middle of nowhere. You should have realized <Red Checkmark> isn't going to pay to put a tower up in a your little podunk town of 157 people. Yes, this is America and yes, this is 2018 but there are still many rural areas that have coverage challenges.

Then they talk about how good their service was before as if that will magically make me do something to improve the current situation. Of course you'll getter better signal in the Baltimore suburbs than you will in Pond Lick, Arkansas. That's just Geography and Economics 101, baby.

I feel bad for some of these people, I do, but at the same time, you have to realize that living in a rural area ALWAYS comes with its share of challenges. Expecting your wireless carrier to have a magic button they can push to get you 5 bars LTE in the middle of the wooded hills in which you live is completely asinine. Yet, this is how the SCs think.

On a side note: I put in for a departmental transfer at work. The hours are way better (guaranteed weekends and holidays off, woot!) and the call volume is lower than what I am used to. I had my interview this past week and I should hear something in the next 7 to 10 days or so.

If I get the new position, I'll be taking some really interesting calls. Stay tuned.
"If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant

Last edited by CrazedClerkthe2nd; 07-30-2018 at 12:28 AM.
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Old 07-30-2018, 05:29 PM
seigus's Avatar
seigus seigus is offline
Fighting Stupidity and Losing
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Out of Town
Posts: 466

Best of luck to you!
Life's too short to drink cheap beer
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Old 07-31-2018, 02:31 AM
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notalwaysright notalwaysright is offline
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,891

Quoth CrazedClerkthe2nd View Post
Customer calls in yelling about how crappy their service is and how they keep dropping calls and how their phone is a piece of garbage only for me to pull up the coverage maps and discover they live in an area with - wait for it - crappy service.
I used to get people calling from various little islands around here, only accessible by ferry. Now before I rant, many of them were totally reasonable, willing to pay to have their item shipped, or to put something on hold the day before they came to town.

That being said, many many got upset that I wouldn't put an item on hold for some indefinite amount of time so they could make the trip, or mad because of the shipping charge. Or even better, they showed up at the store without calling to see if their ultra rare, super precious item was actually in stock. So obviously it's sold out and they're mad at me because they "came all the way from Tiny Island!" Look lady, I didn't make you live out there. I didn't make you come here without checking first. All I did was bear the bad news that you couldn't get what you wanted. Calm down and think about your choices. Jeez.
Replace anger management with stupidity management.
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Old 07-31-2018, 09:42 PM
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Sparklyturtle Sparklyturtle is offline
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Portland, Oregon greater metropolitan area
Posts: 323

Had this happen when I worked in a physical therapy clinic. This was in the late 1980s, back before a lot of hospital departments were connected via computer, so each clinic took care of their own appointment scheduling.

I answer the phone: Physical Therapy Clinic, Me speaking.

Patient: I'd like to make an appointment for a mammogram.

Me: I'm sorry, ma'am, but I can't do that here. This is the Physical Therapy clinic, and you need to talk to Women's Health. The number is (number), and I'll transfer you.

I transferred the call, and figured that was the end of it. No such luck.

Patient: No one over there is answering the phone. Can't you just make me a mammogram appointment?

Me: (I explain again that she needs to call Women's Health.) Here's a number for the front desk in Radiology; let me transfer you.

A half hour later, the phone rings, and it's the same patient, who still wants her mammogram appointment. She tells me, "Radiology told me to call back after 1 p.m." I again gave her the number and transferred her. She promptly called back, said their line was busy, then said, "I must say, you aren't being very helpful."

Me: Ma'am, there's really nothing I can do to help you since I'm in the Physical Therapy clinic. We don't make appointments for mammograms here. Please keep calling Women's Health, because they're the people you need to speak to.

Apparently when I transferred her that time, she got to speak to who she needed, because I never heard from her again. But this was a good example of someone not listening when they're told how things work.
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Old 08-01-2018, 01:21 AM
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Mr Hero Mr Hero is offline
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Location: Winterhold College
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The first SC reminds me of a guest I had in my hotel a few months ago. He'd get super pissed that his internet wasn't working, but wouldn't shut up long enough for me to tell him the username and password. I'd log in for him and suddenly he's the happiest guy in the world and even tipped generously.
To right the countless wrongs of our days... We shine this light of true redemption, that this place may become as paradise...Oh, what a wonderful world such would be...
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Old 08-01-2018, 03:15 PM
Mental_Mouse Mental_Mouse is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 384

"Stop! Scammer time" Ah yes, the scammer's greatest ally is the victim who couldn't possibly be scammed, because they're too smart and nobody would dare scam THEM and and and....

"Home Button Blues": Yeah, the modern interfaces "pioneered" by Apple... "our interface is totally intuitive, so we don't need to tell the user anything!" All the way back with the original Mac, they were claiming that the system was so intuitive that people could just sit down and figure things out themselves. You know what? Nobody figures out the double-click for themselves. And the modern versions are insanely modal, so first you need to figure out how to get to the screen with the control or setting you want, then figure out which teeny icon or terse buzzword will actually do what you want.
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Old 08-05-2018, 03:10 PM
bankworking bankworking is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 674

Good luck on getting the new position. Keep us updated!
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Old 08-06-2018, 06:00 PM
CrazedClerkthe2nd's Avatar
CrazedClerkthe2nd CrazedClerkthe2nd is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,572

Update: I GOT THE JOB!

I start a week today. Can't talk too much about what it is yet but I'll be able to tell you more in time.
"If we refund your money, give you a free replacement and shoot the manager, then will you be happy?" - sign seen in a restaurant
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Old 08-06-2018, 07:43 PM
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Ghel Ghel is offline
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Minnesota, US
Posts: 1,224

Congrats! Sounds exciting!
“We are the superhero. None of us, individually, but all of us together.”
― Hank Green
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