Do any of you have a "Topper" relative?

[mjr]

I'm putting this here instead of the "advice" category, because I'm not really asking for advice, just starting a general conversation.

Do any of you have a "topper" relative? I think my sister is.

She's married with two kids, and she's currently taking college classes. She's about to finish her "Associate Level" classes. She's also in her mid 30's.

Sidenote for those unaware: In the U.S., some colleges offer a "two year" degree called an "Associates Degree", that you can then transfer to another school, and take courses toward the more traditional "four year" Bachelors degree.

Anyway, she recently told me that she's going to pursue TWO Bachelors degrees. I don't know if she means two actual Bachelors degrees, or one degree with two majors, or a degree with a specific concentration.

I'm glad she's working to better herself, but the way she said it came off as very "topper" to me.

You see, I don't have a college degree. I've taken some courses, but not enough to get anywhere close to a degree. And I've done pretty well for myself, working as a software engineer.

But she's shown this behavior in the past, too. And I don't know that she doesn't know that I don't care. I mean, I'm glad she's doing this, and I hope she's successful, but if she's doing it to play "topper", I don't care.

Case in point: One year several years back, I signed a lease for a new pickup truck. Shortly thereafter, she buys a used car, and tries to tell me how it's "better". The same with houses. When she was in one of the houses she's been in, she tried to play "topper" by implying her house was nicer than ours. I think she feels "topper", too, because she has two children and my wife and I only have 1.

I'm not trying to compete with her. I don't know that she knows that.

I guess it's an "offshoot" of jealousy, I don't know.

[dalesys]

Start mentally referring to her as "Gertrude".

[Ironclad Alibi]

Seeing this thread right next to the "Ghost" thread, and seeing Topper capitalized, I was expecting a reference to the 1937 film Topper, which is about a man who is troubled by ghosts.

Did anyone else think this, or am I the only old movie buff?

Now I'm got to watch it since I've never seen it.

[Food Lady]

I thought of the movie. I've run into toppers in my life but it's more like "my suffering is worse than yours". It's like they think they're a better person for having endured worse than me?

[notalwaysright]

Hmm, I wonder if she's a Topper* or a Know-It-All. Because she tried to say her used car was better than your new one, and because she's overly proud of associate level courses. Not that there's anything wrong with them, or that higher level classes are inherently better, I mean that if she was really a Topper she'd be doing at least Master's level work. Know-it-alls, are always right and always have a better way to do something, or more knowledge than the other person even if it's something they've never done before. We have a Know-it-all at my work, she's always done everything, or wants to tell others how to do stuff, even if it's about breastfeeding when she's never done that and she's talking to women who had experience via actual babies they gave birth to. I only know this because one of the other women was sooooo amused by it that she told me the story.


*I think of story toppers, they always have done one better. If my car broke down on the highway in a major city, that person's car broke down in a BIGGER city, etc.

[smfrazier]

Seeing this thread right next to the "Ghost" thread, and seeing Topper capitalized, I was expecting a reference to the 1937 film

Did anyone else think this, or am I the only old movie buff?

I thought the same thing.

[Tanasi]

One of the characters in the Dilbert comic is named Topper and all of his experiences are "better" than anyone else's.

My Mom and her sisters used to do this thing I called Dueling Martyrs. If their mother mentioned some chore that she was going to do my Mom and Aunts would literally race and chase one another to go do that chore. Now they didn't bring up having done said chore as they knew the others knew what happened.
When we were kids my brother and I generally mowed our maternal grandparents yard (we didn't get any pay just the good feeling that came from it.) One summer Mom's oldest sister snuck in and mowed the yard (it's a real big yard.) To get "revenge" Mom made us mow that aunt's yard while she was at work.

[MoonCat]

I think this is kind of a self-esteem issue. People like this have to constantly inflate their self-importance and their value as a person because deep down they feel inadequate, and these accomplishments and possessions give them a feeling of worth. If someone has or earns something that they don't have, they have to "top that" or else the feelings of inadequacy come back stronger. I'm guessing there's anxiety in the mix, too (possibly well-hidden).

That's my 10 cent psychological evaluation.

[greek_jester]

My mother's sister is like that. Whenever my late stepdad or my mum had a medical setback that she couldn't immediately top she'd take to her bed.

[mjr]

And now there's this tidbit:

<background>
There's a site in the state where I live that says whether or not you have "unclaimed money" that you can claim. You put in your name, and it shows you how much "unclaimed money" you have -- if any.
</background>

I check my mail that is hot this morning, and I see an email from said sister.

She tells me that I have "unclaimed money", and suggested that I should claim it.

This is bothersome, because she used the site I talked about in the background above to see if I had "unclaimed money".

It's not really her business if anyone owes me money, or if I have any "unclaimed money" out there. I don't know if she wants me to claim it so she can ask me for it, or what. I think it's around $350 or so.

I didn't even know this money existed.

Just seems like she was being nosy.

This is one of those odd situations where it's bothersome, but interesting to know that the money is there.

[mjr]

I mean that if she was really a Topper she'd be doing at least Master's level work.

*I think of story toppers, they always have done one better. If my car broke down on the highway in a major city, that person's car broke down in a BIGGER city, etc.

I look at it as similar to a story topper.

But as far as her being a topper doing Masters level work...I don't have a college degree, so ANY type of degree that she could be a "topper" about.

[Ironclad Alibi]

And now there's this tidbit:

<background>
There's a site in the state where I live that says whether or not you have "unclaimed money" that you can claim. You put in your name, and it shows you how much "unclaimed money" you have -- if any.
</background>

<clip>

I think it's around $350 or so.

I didn't even know this money existed.

Just seems like she was being nosy.

This is one of those odd situations where it's bothersome, but interesting to know that the money is there.

Will you have to send them a "processing fee" in order to claim that money. I haven't heard of these sites being scams, but it sounds suspicious.

[mjr]

Will you have to send them a "processing fee" in order to claim that money. I haven't heard of these sites being scams, but it sounds suspicious.

This one is run by our state, so I believe it to be legit.

[Ironclad Alibi]

This one is run by our state, so I believe it to be legit.

That's good to hear.

So get the money and don't tell your sister.