I lost my job.
Why doesn't matter but its a good place to start this story so I am.
I spent a few days feeling basically fine, not bad, happy to actually sleep in a bit cause while i like working 5-6 am shifts, my insomnia and some pain from a 'I'm a moron' injury on my legs made sleeping hard.
Then my uncle came to town, took my mother my grandmother, my aunt and me to dinner and well.... I could feel myself spiraling into depression before I even order dinner with my uncle giving me his 'I know your a fuck up but I'm to nice to point it out' voice and my aunt giving me dirty looks for taking time of school.
So at first it wasn't so bad, I can usually power through one of my bouts of depression pretty well, and just add a bit more cute-things-that-make-me-happy to my life.
But my insomnia was still bad, my legs still hurt making sitting or walking hard so i wound up laying around more than not and my mother wasn't hiding her general frustration with me well.
Raging me for trying to stay in my bed in hopes of sleeping at 2 am and not 'just getting up and doing something productive' and going so far as to call me useless to her at one point. Mostly because I would finally fall asleep at around 10 am and sleep until 12 or 1.
I realized I was really really depressed the other night when I decided to give in and finally take a dose of my sleeping pills in hopes of actually sleeping at night and for more than 2-3 hours. I knocked too many pills into my hand and for a brief second considered just taking them all.
I had a nice little 'Oh! I'm that depressed' moment, put my pills back, took my actual dose locked them away in another room and cried on the phone to my friend and slept for 5 hours instead of 3.
Thankfully the last few days my insomnia has decided to break a bit and I've been super exhausted and actually sleeping, again in bursts of 3ish hours but hey its sleep.
Why doesn't matter but its a good place to start this story so I am.
I spent a few days feeling basically fine, not bad, happy to actually sleep in a bit cause while i like working 5-6 am shifts, my insomnia and some pain from a 'I'm a moron' injury on my legs made sleeping hard.
Then my uncle came to town, took my mother my grandmother, my aunt and me to dinner and well.... I could feel myself spiraling into depression before I even order dinner with my uncle giving me his 'I know your a fuck up but I'm to nice to point it out' voice and my aunt giving me dirty looks for taking time of school.
So at first it wasn't so bad, I can usually power through one of my bouts of depression pretty well, and just add a bit more cute-things-that-make-me-happy to my life.
But my insomnia was still bad, my legs still hurt making sitting or walking hard so i wound up laying around more than not and my mother wasn't hiding her general frustration with me well.
Raging me for trying to stay in my bed in hopes of sleeping at 2 am and not 'just getting up and doing something productive' and going so far as to call me useless to her at one point. Mostly because I would finally fall asleep at around 10 am and sleep until 12 or 1.
I realized I was really really depressed the other night when I decided to give in and finally take a dose of my sleeping pills in hopes of actually sleeping at night and for more than 2-3 hours. I knocked too many pills into my hand and for a brief second considered just taking them all.
I had a nice little 'Oh! I'm that depressed' moment, put my pills back, took my actual dose locked them away in another room and cried on the phone to my friend and slept for 5 hours instead of 3.
Thankfully the last few days my insomnia has decided to break a bit and I've been super exhausted and actually sleeping, again in bursts of 3ish hours but hey its sleep.
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