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Gods Can Do the Impossible; Sadly, We Are Not Gods
...Weep for us.
I work at a trucking compant as a biller and overhear some impossible customer complaints.
We Cannot Go Against the System
My boss will often (roughly 9 times a day) get calls from irate customers that all go a little something like this:
SC: My bill hasn't been billed yet.
My Boss: Ok.
SC: I want you to pull it up and bill it now.
MB: I can pull it up to see if it's here, but I cannot bill it. The bills are put in the order they are recieved and must be billed in the order they are recieved.
SC: Well, I sent it in 20 minutes ago and it's still not done.
MB: I apologise, but we typically do 9,000 bills daily. It takes a while to get through them all. You have to wait longer than 20 minutes.
SC: *rar rar rar rant rant rant become a computer god in 20 seconds and make a new comouter system in 10 seconds to bill my bill now because mommy said I'm a special little snowflake and you big bullies aren't kissing my ass*
MB: Sorry, you just have to be patient. I can't do anything to speed things up.
SC: *whine whine fiiinnnneee bye*
We Cannot Deliver What We Aren't Given
Our drivers don't load the trucks. They pull into whatever and the shippers load the trucks, give a bill of lading to the driver and send them on their way. We aren't the only company that does this. Its a fairly common practice because: 1) truck drivers aren't forklift drivers 2) it's easier for the ones who work there to pick out what needs to go and what stays 3) any mistakes in loading can be blamed on the shippers. Call center people get calls like this at least 4 times a day:
SC: You people forgot to pick up half my shipment!
CCG: Can I have *info*?
SC: *info*
CCG: Ok, well I see here you scheduled this online?
SC: Yes.
CCG: When you schedule it yourself, it's your job to give the bills to the driver. Also, our drivers NEVER load themselves so we take what you give us.
SC: But he should have checked rar rar rar!
CCG: Actually sir/madam, we don't require out drivers to check because we assume the shippers are smart enough to know what to give the drivers.
SC:
CCG: Would you like me to reschedule this for tomarrow?
SC: No I need it today!
CCG: All the drivers have docked their trucks and left fot the night. I ca do tomarrow or (day 3 days from now).
SC: .......tomarrow's fine.
Cannot Use Telepathy To Guess Your Mistakes
Sometimes, the shipper calls us and we create the bill on the computer. Other times, the shipper places the shipment online on their own. When the shipper places the shipment on their own, we are not responsible for any mistakes on the bill.
CW: Hello, I'd like to notify you that your shipment from Florida to Utah will be arriving Monday!
SC: WHAT?!!!
CW: ......Um....
SC: UTAH??!?!?!?!? I'm in MICHIGAN!!!! AND I NEED THIS TOMARROW!!!!!!!
CW: Ok, well the bill clearly states that this is destined for Utah.
SC: How could you do this rar rar rar?!!!!
CW: We didn't write the bill, your shipper did. I'm not the one you should be angry at.
We Cannot Give out Free Appointments
CW: Hi, I'm calling to make an appointment for shimpent X.
SC: Oh, I don't want an appointment. I can't afford it.
CW: Ok, I'll just change that then!
SC: But can you tell them to deliver it between 10am and 11am?
CW: Sir, that's an appointment. It you need it delivered between a certain time, I'll have to charge you the $30 appointment fee.
SC: Oh, ok I don't want that. Just tell them I need it between that time.
*rinse and repeat 10x*
CW: Ok, sir, I can either charge you for an appointment so you can get your shipment between 10 and 11 or I can cancel the appointment and you will have to wait for your shipment. I cannot give you a free appointment.
SC: Oh, I don't want a free appointment. I just want it between 10 and 11 and I want you to waive the fee because I can't afford it.
CW: So, you want it free. sorry but no. Call customer service to discuss this further because you obviously don't want to listen to me. Goodbye.
We Cannot Predict Your OCD Freakout
Once upon a time, a high strung woman sat on her throne, queen of Store X. Not far away, a humble truck driver rode into the parking lot in his massive steed. "It is 12:53pm", he bellowed. "I am 7 moments early! How merry the queen will be at my earliness"! With that, the man parked and spoke to the queen's servent, requestinting he be announced. So the servent boy went forth to the queen's chamber. "Ho my fair queen! The truck man hath arrived before his promised time! Dost this please thee my queen"? The queen's face blossomed red, she sputtered in seething anger, and deep inside her, something snapped; The dam burst, flooding her body with fury and hatred. "SLAVE! GETEST ME THY CELLULAR PHONE!!! YE OLDE TRUCKING CO. MUST BE INFORMED OF THIS TRAVESTY"! Servent boy obeyed and with one peasent digit, dialed the number for Ye Olde Trucking Co. The very second the peon answered, the queen exploaded into a gush of words ranting about how truck man arrived EARLY! Oh the horror! How dare Yo Olde Trucking Co. allow lowly truck men to go against the schedule and arrive EARLY!!?!!! That is simply unacceptable. "I demand truck man be bound by rope and whipped with chains until crimson life stains the soil! How dare a peon like him break the schedule"! With those few parting words, the queen smashed the cellular phone into the castle wall and, after a breif moment to compose herself after such a horrid event, returned to her royal duties. "Slave, sent truck man away! I no longer wish for him to shipeth my queenly goods. Inform the peon he may return only when he hath learned his place and respects schedules set forth by his superiors. That is all".
I work at a trucking compant as a biller and overhear some impossible customer complaints.
We Cannot Go Against the System
My boss will often (roughly 9 times a day) get calls from irate customers that all go a little something like this:
SC: My bill hasn't been billed yet.
My Boss: Ok.
SC: I want you to pull it up and bill it now.
MB: I can pull it up to see if it's here, but I cannot bill it. The bills are put in the order they are recieved and must be billed in the order they are recieved.
SC: Well, I sent it in 20 minutes ago and it's still not done.
MB: I apologise, but we typically do 9,000 bills daily. It takes a while to get through them all. You have to wait longer than 20 minutes.
SC: *rar rar rar rant rant rant become a computer god in 20 seconds and make a new comouter system in 10 seconds to bill my bill now because mommy said I'm a special little snowflake and you big bullies aren't kissing my ass*
MB: Sorry, you just have to be patient. I can't do anything to speed things up.
SC: *whine whine fiiinnnneee bye*
We Cannot Deliver What We Aren't Given
Our drivers don't load the trucks. They pull into whatever and the shippers load the trucks, give a bill of lading to the driver and send them on their way. We aren't the only company that does this. Its a fairly common practice because: 1) truck drivers aren't forklift drivers 2) it's easier for the ones who work there to pick out what needs to go and what stays 3) any mistakes in loading can be blamed on the shippers. Call center people get calls like this at least 4 times a day:
SC: You people forgot to pick up half my shipment!
CCG: Can I have *info*?
SC: *info*
CCG: Ok, well I see here you scheduled this online?
SC: Yes.
CCG: When you schedule it yourself, it's your job to give the bills to the driver. Also, our drivers NEVER load themselves so we take what you give us.
SC: But he should have checked rar rar rar!
CCG: Actually sir/madam, we don't require out drivers to check because we assume the shippers are smart enough to know what to give the drivers.
SC:
CCG: Would you like me to reschedule this for tomarrow?
SC: No I need it today!
CCG: All the drivers have docked their trucks and left fot the night. I ca do tomarrow or (day 3 days from now).
SC: .......tomarrow's fine.
Cannot Use Telepathy To Guess Your Mistakes
Sometimes, the shipper calls us and we create the bill on the computer. Other times, the shipper places the shipment online on their own. When the shipper places the shipment on their own, we are not responsible for any mistakes on the bill.
CW: Hello, I'd like to notify you that your shipment from Florida to Utah will be arriving Monday!
SC: WHAT?!!!
CW: ......Um....
SC: UTAH??!?!?!?!? I'm in MICHIGAN!!!! AND I NEED THIS TOMARROW!!!!!!!
CW: Ok, well the bill clearly states that this is destined for Utah.
SC: How could you do this rar rar rar?!!!!
CW: We didn't write the bill, your shipper did. I'm not the one you should be angry at.
We Cannot Give out Free Appointments
CW: Hi, I'm calling to make an appointment for shimpent X.
SC: Oh, I don't want an appointment. I can't afford it.
CW: Ok, I'll just change that then!
SC: But can you tell them to deliver it between 10am and 11am?
CW: Sir, that's an appointment. It you need it delivered between a certain time, I'll have to charge you the $30 appointment fee.
SC: Oh, ok I don't want that. Just tell them I need it between that time.
*rinse and repeat 10x*
CW: Ok, sir, I can either charge you for an appointment so you can get your shipment between 10 and 11 or I can cancel the appointment and you will have to wait for your shipment. I cannot give you a free appointment.
SC: Oh, I don't want a free appointment. I just want it between 10 and 11 and I want you to waive the fee because I can't afford it.
CW: So, you want it free. sorry but no. Call customer service to discuss this further because you obviously don't want to listen to me. Goodbye.
We Cannot Predict Your OCD Freakout
Once upon a time, a high strung woman sat on her throne, queen of Store X. Not far away, a humble truck driver rode into the parking lot in his massive steed. "It is 12:53pm", he bellowed. "I am 7 moments early! How merry the queen will be at my earliness"! With that, the man parked and spoke to the queen's servent, requestinting he be announced. So the servent boy went forth to the queen's chamber. "Ho my fair queen! The truck man hath arrived before his promised time! Dost this please thee my queen"? The queen's face blossomed red, she sputtered in seething anger, and deep inside her, something snapped; The dam burst, flooding her body with fury and hatred. "SLAVE! GETEST ME THY CELLULAR PHONE!!! YE OLDE TRUCKING CO. MUST BE INFORMED OF THIS TRAVESTY"! Servent boy obeyed and with one peasent digit, dialed the number for Ye Olde Trucking Co. The very second the peon answered, the queen exploaded into a gush of words ranting about how truck man arrived EARLY! Oh the horror! How dare Yo Olde Trucking Co. allow lowly truck men to go against the schedule and arrive EARLY!!?!!! That is simply unacceptable. "I demand truck man be bound by rope and whipped with chains until crimson life stains the soil! How dare a peon like him break the schedule"! With those few parting words, the queen smashed the cellular phone into the castle wall and, after a breif moment to compose herself after such a horrid event, returned to her royal duties. "Slave, sent truck man away! I no longer wish for him to shipeth my queenly goods. Inform the peon he may return only when he hath learned his place and respects schedules set forth by his superiors. That is all".
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