We're closed! Get the Hell Out!

[excuse me??]

"Hey Ralph, are the Dobermans ready to be released in the store?"

(This announcement could get you fired)

[Jester]

I might add to crashhelmet's post - closing a bar is one of the few times in service/retail where the law, the insurance company, and the boss ALL want every customer gone by a VERY specific time. It's kinda cool actually. Having no patrons on premise by XX:ZZ is more important than cleaning, stocking, and politeness.

Yes and no. Not all bars stay open until the latest hour allowed by law. Especially here. See, in Key West, bars CAN stay open until 4 am. Yes, I said 4 am. However, not all of them do. Various bars close at various times. Some base it on business that night, some close at set times, say 2 am or so. And some do stay open until 4 am.

My place of business, being a bar/restaurant, tends to close around midnight, but there is no hard fast closing time. It's whenever the closing manager decides it's time to go. But it's usually around midnight, and at that time, whatever any straggling guests may think or want or feel they are entitled to, when the manager decides we're closed, we're Closed. Meaning it's Time To Go.

I've actually been to two bars where they start shouting, "Get the fuck out!"

I still remember my closing time spiel from when I DJ'd at the clothing optional roof deck bar.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the [Roof Deck] is now closed. If you are not staff, are not sleeping with staff, or if the staff has no intention of sleeping with you, it is now time for you to get the fuck out. The [Roof Deck] opens back up for your drinking pleasure at 10 am tomorrow morning, but that is it for tonight. You don't have to go home, but you do have to GO. Good night!"

Followed by dead silence, as I had just played the final song, and we didn't bring up any house music.

And yet, we would sometimes STILL have people milling about, not leaving, despite having heard me announce last call prior to the last song, announce the last song, play the last song, and then deliver the above announcement, all with about 250 watts of amplification behind me. At which point I would get back on the mike:

"The [Roof Deck] is closed. It is time for you to go. Enjoy yourselves tonight, but do it elsewhere. In other words, kindly get the fuck out. NOW."
:
Yeah, I was subtle...but then, that was what management liked about me.

[emax4]

I've actually been to two bars where they start shouting, "Get the fuck out!" And one of those had a sign up that said "No profanity." Go figure.

At first I was thinking if it was the bar staff saying that, or patrons saying that as in, "Get out!?! You mean you guys are closed now? Naw.. c'mon, really?" But, then I read Jester's answer and put it together...

[taxguykarl]

When I closed the c-store, I locked the doors, even if customers were still inside. Then I threw the switches for the gas pumps and the outside sign. I checked out everyone who was still there, turned out all the outside lights, and started closing. If I'd had to leave the doors open while customers were inside, I never would have gotten out of there.

I had that problem several times at the tax office. If I hadn't switched off the neon 'Open' sign and locked the front door, I would have been there 'til midnight.

We developed a 'closing ceremony' on Tax Day (April 17, this year): One stands by the 'Open' sign, one by the front door and one by a computer or smart phone on by and atomic clock. The third leads the countdown to closing...not unlike NYE.

[Jester]

I forgot to post earlier about closing time at the gentleman's club (i.e., nudie bar) I used to DJ at in Phoenix.

At closing time (4 am), if you had not purchased or were not in a private dance with a dancer, that was it. And I would announce very politely on the microphone that "[Nudie Bar] is now closed. We open at [whatever time we opened] tomorrow, but tonight's entertainment is over. Enjoy your night, and drive safely."

And yet the vast majority of the zombies--er, uh, male patrons, pardon me--would still sit in their seats, eyes glued to the stage, waiting for a dancer to entertain them.

So, after a little bit of this...."Gentleman, [Nudie Bar] is now closed. We appreciate your patronage, but there will be no more dancers coming to the stage this evening. Please enjoy the rest of your night, but it is now time to leave."

Nothing. They still sat there. Apparently thinking that I, the DJ employed by the club, was for some reason lying to them. After all, there was still music, so there MUST be more dancers coming, right? (I had to continue to play music for those dancers that still had private dances underway.) Well, maybe they just weren't listening to me, or were having trouble hearing me, despite my use of a microphone amplified by several hundred watts. I would test that theory.

"Gentlemen, it is now time for the DJ to dance!"

At which point every single one of them exhibited perfect auditory faculties by reacting to the last announcement by getting up and heading to the exits.

Rapidly.

And yes, this same scenario played itself out every single night I worked there.

Sad statement on these guys' lives, to be honest. I mean, I have enjoyed a nudie bar as much as any guy, but when there are no more dancers, and that point has been made clear to you, WHY would you stay? It certainly wasn't for the alcohol....the nudie bar in question was fully nude, which under Arizona law meant that it couldn't sell or serve alcohol. (Only topless places could do that.) It certainly wasn't for the social interaction...none of them were talking to one another. While there IS social interaction among guys at nudie bars, the zombies that would be there at closing were not those types of guys.

Sad, sad, sad. Funny to me, to be sure, but still so sad and pathetic for them.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

At the call center the phones stop taking new calls at a certain time each night...but if there are still calls in the queue that came in before closing time, and you are working till close, you have to stay and clear out the queue. Glad I don't work closing anymore It's bad enough it takes me a while to shut everything down properly sometimes between the time I log out of the phone and the time I leave. Today I stayed in "after call" for like 45 minutes (part of that I was actually ON a call) and a manager called to make sure I was OK...lol. But I said I didn't want to work off the clock and I had to follow up on a few things since I'm off tomorrow...which was true.

[AccountingDrone]

"Gentlemen, it is now time for the DJ to dance!"

/me rummages around for some ones

[Jester]

Oh, yeah. There's lots of demand for short skinny white Jewish guys to dance the pole. Although to be honest, lately I am far less skinny around the midsection than I used to be.....meh.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Oh, yeah. There's lots of demand for short skinny white Jewish guys to dance the pole. Although to be honest, lately I am far less skinny around the midsection than I used to be.....meh.

You can PM me any pics you have of that.

[Alpha Strike]

...
At the mall, at Debs, not even trying to close the gate would detour people, it seemed.

Years ago I worked at a game shop in a mall, which had the usual sliding, metal gate on the single entrance. When I started working the closing shift, I found out pretty quickly that just closing the gate most of the way was not enough; the oblivious and/or stupid and/or rude folks just simply bend over and get under the gate or even lift it to allow themselves easier access.

So my solution was to stand next to the gate, with the gate bar (a long, metal staff I used to pull the gate from its enclosure in the ceiling) in hand, either telling people we were closed or stepping in front of them to bar them access. And even doing all that I still had people try and "sneak" behind me, thinking I wouldn't notice a bent-over form literally a foot from me.

I still remember my closing time spiel from when I DJ'd at the clothing optional roof deck bar.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the [Roof Deck] is now closed. If you are not staff, are not sleeping with staff, or if the staff has no intention of sleeping with you, it is now time for you to get the fuck out. The [Roof Deck] opens back up for your drinking pleasure at 10 am tomorrow morning, but that is it for tonight. You don't have to go home, but you do have to GO. Good night!"

Followed by dead silence, as I had just played the final song, and we didn't bring up any house music.

...
. At which point I would get back on the mike:

"The [Roof Deck] is closed. It is time for you to go. Enjoy yourselves tonight, but do it elsewhere. In other words, kindly get the fuck out. NOW."
:
Yeah, I was subtle...but then, that was what management liked about me.

See, that's the problem. If you weren't so subtle, they would have picked up on the message. Obviously that was your fault.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Had this problem a couple of days ago; two other petrol stations in the locality were closed. One due to technical difficulties, the other due to staffing issues. We were closed, and people still kept trying to come in. Sadly, we were safely locked inside the kiosk and not there to hear their wails of "Sobcrywaaaambulance! I neeeed petrol! Boo hoo!". XD

I really feel for you, seeing that we're the only petrol station containing staff in the locality; but after a full shift I want to go home. Sucks to be you. XD

[mharbourgirl]

I went ahead to pull the gate half way down, so no one else would come in. As I do that, this lady that's sitting near the fountain that's right outside my store hollers at me, "Are yall closed? I just want one pair of shoes!" We were still slightly below our sales goal for the day, so I did let her in, took her to her size, showed her the one pair of shoes she wanted, and then she didn't buy them because they weren't on sale. *sigh*

She was SITTING there, probably waiting for someone else. Not interested in shopping, UNTIL she saw you start to close the door. Then it was suddenly vitally important for her to look at shoes, except that she had no intention of actually buying anything. She just wanted to do what you didn't want her to do, because.

I know too many people like this. No interest in doing something until someone suggests/tells them flat out that they can't. Then the universe will END if they can't do it.