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Things I am not allowed to do at work.

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  • Quoth Broomjockey View Post
    *Not allowed to take yesterday's papers and burn them in the abandoned lot next door.
    Grab a few bags of marshmallows, too, and invite everyone.
    Unseen but seeing
    oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
    There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
    3rd shift needs love, too
    RIP, mo bhrionglóid

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    • Quoth BeckySunshine View Post
      Grab a few bags of marshmallows, too, and invite everyone.
      Grab weenies too. I hate to waste a good bonfire.
      Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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      • Quoth DGoddess View Post
        Grab weenies too.
        Unseen but seeing
        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
        3rd shift needs love, too
        RIP, mo bhrionglóid

        Comment


        • Quoth DGoddess View Post
          Grab weenies too. I hate to waste a good bonfire.
          I've got a few co-workers who qualify. And there's a grocery store a block over, so we can grab anything we need
          Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

          http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

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          • I am not allowed to tell customers the truth.

            "Ma'am, that computer kiosk is not meant to be a toy for your children. It is for people who want to apply for jobs, and frankly, your children are too young."

            "Ma'am, I can't return this. If you didn't keep the box or the reciept and want to return it now, how the hell am I supposed to do that? Hrmm?"

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            • I am not allowed to refer to the cashiers as minions.
              I am not allowed to have them take out the trash.
              Even if that is what having minions is good for.
              I am not allowed to tell the customers that my boss is a liar.
              Even if he is.
              I am not allowed to tell the customers that my boss is a lazy SOB.
              I have PMS and a black belt. Any questions?

              This random moment is brought to you by the letters A D and D.

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              • -Not allowed to tell new employees that the cooks are CIA members during the school year and will arrest them for the slightest error when billing customers.

                -Am not allowed to say that the oldest waitress is really a dominatrax at night, but likes to practice during the day.

                -Even if she thinks it'll make us more money doing that.

                -Am not allowed to stay after the boss lets me leave early, sitting at a table, pointing and laughing at the others and eating great food that I don't have to pay for.

                -Even if they joined me later on and we chatted for almost a half hour.

                -Am not allowed to hit register and yell "bam bam!!" when it does not want to do my bidding.
                Just because they serve you, doesn't mean they like you. And just because they smile and act polite doesn't mean they aren't planning to destroy you.

                "I put the laughter in slaughter."

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                • I couldn't make it to the bottom of the page without giggling so hard I almost hit the desk. Multiple times. I just cant make it through the whole thread. Sooooo....

                  I'm sure someone has mentioned this, but JIC:

                  The 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army

                  (Also, go to Skippy's Silly Stories and read about the "Surprise" )
                  Any day you're looking down at the dirt instead of up at the dirt is a good day.

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                  • Crawl into the cold bar cup cabinet and fall asleep for an hour
                    Crawl into the hot bar cup cabinet and fall asleep for an hour
                    Crawl into anything and fall asleep
                    Liberate me Bitch!

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                    • I'm not allowed to wear party hats when it's not my birthday.
                      Unseen but seeing
                      oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                      There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                      3rd shift needs love, too
                      RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                      Comment


                      • If a customer tries to hit me, I am not allowed to defend myself. In fact, the rest of the store has to evacuate while I am being beaten to a bloody pulp.

                        Only one person may open a store. Everyone else has to be "out of sight". This is in case the person opening the store gets attacked, the rest of the employees can call 911 when they can't see the opener getting attacked. This is strictly enforced when the opener is a petitie female and the rest of the opening crew is a bunch (4+) of guys, all over 6'3" and muscular.

                        If the store is being robbed, we are not allowed to trip the silent alarm. We are to call 911 after the robber leaves. (So what's the point of the silent alarm?).

                        If someone tries to steal something, we are not allowed to stop them.
                        Quote Dalesys:
                        ... as in "Ifn thet dawg comes at me, Ima gonna shutz ma panz!"

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                        • No matter how much they piss me off, I can't kill any of the vendors.

                          No kissing on the salesfloor either (I wouldn't dare)
                          Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                          • Special American Idol edition

                            I am not allowed to sing any of the following golden hits while on the clock:

                            -"Longview" by Green Day
                            - Especially not the "I smell like shit" part.
                            - Anything by the Bloodhound Gang
                            - "Bad Day" by some weenie
                            - "You're Beautiful" by some other weenie
                            - "Turning Japanese"
                            - Even though that song freaking RULEZ!
                            - "I touch Myself"
                            - In fact, don't sing period. My grade-school honors choir voice isn't what it used to be
                            Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                            "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                            • I am ... discouraged from ... drawing an eye on a post-it note, sticking it to my forehead, and claiming that it's my all-seeing third eye, and it is ... unwise ... to make it stare at people.

                              Rapscallion

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                              • Boooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

                                They're no fun, Raps!!!!!!!!!
                                Unseen but seeing
                                oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                                There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                                3rd shift needs love, too
                                RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                                Comment

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