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Wherein Irv nearly commits seppuku (Very very long)
I swear, the workers at the Humanity Factory must have had one hell of a pisser this weekend, because the folks they're sending out into my store are unusually stupid and rude. Or maybe it was because the Packers lost again. Either way, let's just get on with it:
BOGO Banality
We're running a Buy One Get One sale through Wednesday (Or is it Friday? I dunno). Anyhoo, it's more or less a stopgap sale until we hit our Super Uber Mega Stupendous Tremendous Lowest Prices of the Season Sale at the end of the week. It happens that in this sale, you must buy one item at regular price to get the second one free; you can't buy one item at half price. This becomes important later.
First customer of the day, and I overheard the whole thing as I was getting my printer and labels. She bought some stuff one the BOGO sale and the cashier was ringing her up:
Customer: Why did I get charged for two items? Isn't it buy one get one free?
Cashier: It is. The second one came off.
Customer: No, it didn't. I see I got charged twice for these dishes.
Cashier: (points to screen by her register) The second one came off. There's three of those dishes listed there, but one has a minus sign next to it. That means the second one came off. Those two cancel each other out. I can assure you you've only been charged for one item.
Customer: No, you charged me twice!
Cashier:
Eventually it got ironed out and the customer was finally convinced she hadn't been double-charged. As the customer left, her daughter, who had come along along with her, seemed to be about 6 or 7 years old, and catching on to the BOGO concept faster than her mom, said to her "Mommy, you're embarrassing me!"
Dear All Of My Coworkers:
You know your signs? All your signholders and backers and clips and such? They go in the sign storage unit in the backroom. Not in my furniture backstock, where they have been residing for upwards of a YEAR.
Because it is the busy season for furniture and we have new pieces arriving on almost every truck lately, I took it upon myself to clean up all your crap and get it to the sign storage unit or the fixture room, where it belongs. So from now on, your backers and signholders and clips go in those places.
I have also made signs, which I put up on the furniture shelves. They read:
And I had better not hear any complaining about your stuff being moved and being kept neat for a change. And so help me Dog, if I hear any of you whine "Where am I supposed to put all my stuff?" I'm answering "Bend over."
One more thing--why do we even have sign clips anymore? You never use the damn things even though you're supposed to. You just tape the signs to the shelves, which you're not supposed to do because the tape gunks up the shelves and makes them look all groaty. Or you just fold the signs along the crease and slip them into the shelf lip so they fall down whenever somebody's filling or straightening. Fun. Not.
Blah Blah Blah Bling Bling Bling Blah
While heading back to the back room, I got flagged down by somebody who yelled at me "Hey! You!"
Who, me?
Yeah, me.
The purpose of this exchange was so that some dipshit could rant at me about how we had Christmas stuff out too early, and we were causing people to buy things they don't need, and we kick puppies and eat starving orphan children, and how the economy and the country's going to hell if we elect John McCain as President. Or Barack Obama. Or Splotch The Wonder Seagull. How the fuck should I know? I just zoned out for a while and let this idiot vent her spleen until I pretended that an urgent pull got downloaded into my scanner and I had to beat feet to the backroom and do it.
Bonus BOGO Banality
Got to dinner time and went to purchase my 20-oz bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper and candy bar for break, and ended up behind this assbag who had a bunch of socks on the BOGO sale.
Customer: YOU DOUBLE-CHARGED ME!
Cashier: (points to screen behind her register) No, we only charged you for one. The second one came off. The minus sign on the screen indicates the second one was subtracted off your total.
Customer: No you didn't! I still see two bags of socks there! You're a rip off! I'm telling the Attorney General!
Enter the Front End Supervisor, who has already dealt with a couple of these morons the past couple of days:
FES: Actually, the second one was taken off. You gotta watch for the minus signs on the screen. That indicates you won't be charged for the second item.
Does this convince the moron that she has, in fact, been charged correctly for her socks? Hell no! She kept arguing the point for 5 minutes, while I'm waiting to be checked out. Fortunately the service desk person waved me up to check out so I could get upstairs at a reasonable time and avoid taking out my work knife and turning the assbag into Ms. Potato Head And Her Assorted Pieces N' Parts, by Playskool!
But the assbag got the cashier so flustered she had to do a total void of her items and start from the beginning.
Gift Registry Clusterfuckery
And then after lunch I got summoned for help by a customer carrying the Green-Backed Piece of Paper of Maximum Doom, because that means it came from our gift registry which is PITA for the following reasons:
The customer was clearly perturbed from the start, and I can't say I blame her. She told me she'd been in the store for an hour looking for things on this registry. I accompanied her around the store, typing in UPCs to get SKUs, and then trying to locate the items. After doing this about five times, the customer huffed at me "I'm done. Forget it."
Always happy to help I really need to more vigilant for those damn pieces of paper, so I can run the other way.
And right after that...
I got flagged down by a couple old cheapskates? How did I know they were cheap? Because they made me their personal shopper for about 20 minutes, had me scan all sorts of items, and then after I told them the prices said to me "That's too expensive! We're on a fixed income here!"
Yeah, me too. What's your point Grampy Grumpy McGrouchenstein?
They had me carry a big bulky feather bed topper around the store as they kept looking at other items and commenting on how expensive they were. Then they finally had me check the price of the bed topper.
"Okay...it is $52.99." (Which is a pretty good price for a featherbed. It was on clearance anyway."
"Oh I don't want to pay that much. Put it back!"
Seriously, I don't think they bought a damn thing. Just kept wandering around and complaining that everything was so expensive.
Son Of Bonus BOGO Banality (AKA The Big Finish)
My last customer of the day was over in plastics. She asked me where some specific storage totes were that were on BOGO, and so I showed her where they were.
"Great! I want three of them. Will I get charged for the one on the buy one get one sale and the third one at half price?"
"Actually ma'am, this time you need to buy one at regular price to get the second free. If you buy a third, it would be regular price as well."
"Well that's a crock of bullshit! You always let people buy one item at half price in these kinds of sales! Why not this time"
Because I hate you. In fact, had you engaged your eyes and your brain before opening up your festering gob, you would have noticed the print on the sign reading "Must buy one at regular price to get the second free."
I dunno, I guess somebody up there must've decided we weren't getting our fair share or cranks, crabs, curmudgeons and cuntmuffins so they all descended upon us today. At least I have tomorrow off and vacation this weekend.
So in summation: Cookies, now. And booze. Lots and lots of booze.
BOGO Banality
We're running a Buy One Get One sale through Wednesday (Or is it Friday? I dunno). Anyhoo, it's more or less a stopgap sale until we hit our Super Uber Mega Stupendous Tremendous Lowest Prices of the Season Sale at the end of the week. It happens that in this sale, you must buy one item at regular price to get the second one free; you can't buy one item at half price. This becomes important later.
First customer of the day, and I overheard the whole thing as I was getting my printer and labels. She bought some stuff one the BOGO sale and the cashier was ringing her up:
Customer: Why did I get charged for two items? Isn't it buy one get one free?
Cashier: It is. The second one came off.
Customer: No, it didn't. I see I got charged twice for these dishes.
Cashier: (points to screen by her register) The second one came off. There's three of those dishes listed there, but one has a minus sign next to it. That means the second one came off. Those two cancel each other out. I can assure you you've only been charged for one item.
Customer: No, you charged me twice!
Cashier:
Eventually it got ironed out and the customer was finally convinced she hadn't been double-charged. As the customer left, her daughter, who had come along along with her, seemed to be about 6 or 7 years old, and catching on to the BOGO concept faster than her mom, said to her "Mommy, you're embarrassing me!"
Dear All Of My Coworkers:
You know your signs? All your signholders and backers and clips and such? They go in the sign storage unit in the backroom. Not in my furniture backstock, where they have been residing for upwards of a YEAR.
Because it is the busy season for furniture and we have new pieces arriving on almost every truck lately, I took it upon myself to clean up all your crap and get it to the sign storage unit or the fixture room, where it belongs. So from now on, your backers and signholders and clips go in those places.
I have also made signs, which I put up on the furniture shelves. They read:
Furniture Only
No signing, signholders, or fixtures in this area please.
No signing, signholders, or fixtures in this area please.
And I had better not hear any complaining about your stuff being moved and being kept neat for a change. And so help me Dog, if I hear any of you whine "Where am I supposed to put all my stuff?" I'm answering "Bend over."
One more thing--why do we even have sign clips anymore? You never use the damn things even though you're supposed to. You just tape the signs to the shelves, which you're not supposed to do because the tape gunks up the shelves and makes them look all groaty. Or you just fold the signs along the crease and slip them into the shelf lip so they fall down whenever somebody's filling or straightening. Fun. Not.
Blah Blah Blah Bling Bling Bling Blah
While heading back to the back room, I got flagged down by somebody who yelled at me "Hey! You!"
Who, me?
Yeah, me.
The purpose of this exchange was so that some dipshit could rant at me about how we had Christmas stuff out too early, and we were causing people to buy things they don't need, and we kick puppies and eat starving orphan children, and how the economy and the country's going to hell if we elect John McCain as President. Or Barack Obama. Or Splotch The Wonder Seagull. How the fuck should I know? I just zoned out for a while and let this idiot vent her spleen until I pretended that an urgent pull got downloaded into my scanner and I had to beat feet to the backroom and do it.
Bonus BOGO Banality
Got to dinner time and went to purchase my 20-oz bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper and candy bar for break, and ended up behind this assbag who had a bunch of socks on the BOGO sale.
Customer: YOU DOUBLE-CHARGED ME!
Cashier: (points to screen behind her register) No, we only charged you for one. The second one came off. The minus sign on the screen indicates the second one was subtracted off your total.
Customer: No you didn't! I still see two bags of socks there! You're a rip off! I'm telling the Attorney General!
Enter the Front End Supervisor, who has already dealt with a couple of these morons the past couple of days:
FES: Actually, the second one was taken off. You gotta watch for the minus signs on the screen. That indicates you won't be charged for the second item.
Does this convince the moron that she has, in fact, been charged correctly for her socks? Hell no! She kept arguing the point for 5 minutes, while I'm waiting to be checked out. Fortunately the service desk person waved me up to check out so I could get upstairs at a reasonable time and avoid taking out my work knife and turning the assbag into Ms. Potato Head And Her Assorted Pieces N' Parts, by Playskool!
But the assbag got the cashier so flustered she had to do a total void of her items and start from the beginning.
Gift Registry Clusterfuckery
And then after lunch I got summoned for help by a customer carrying the Green-Backed Piece of Paper of Maximum Doom, because that means it came from our gift registry which is PITA for the following reasons:
- Items on the printout are not grouped by department; they're just thrown together in a long list
- SKUs for each item are not given, just UPCs which have to be typed into the scanner because there are no UPCs to scan for each item
- Also, the descriptions of the items are vague and over-abbreviated, such as for example "BRWN PFFFWWW BFFFRRDDD TAGGRTH"
The customer was clearly perturbed from the start, and I can't say I blame her. She told me she'd been in the store for an hour looking for things on this registry. I accompanied her around the store, typing in UPCs to get SKUs, and then trying to locate the items. After doing this about five times, the customer huffed at me "I'm done. Forget it."
Always happy to help I really need to more vigilant for those damn pieces of paper, so I can run the other way.
And right after that...
I got flagged down by a couple old cheapskates? How did I know they were cheap? Because they made me their personal shopper for about 20 minutes, had me scan all sorts of items, and then after I told them the prices said to me "That's too expensive! We're on a fixed income here!"
Yeah, me too. What's your point Grampy Grumpy McGrouchenstein?
They had me carry a big bulky feather bed topper around the store as they kept looking at other items and commenting on how expensive they were. Then they finally had me check the price of the bed topper.
"Okay...it is $52.99." (Which is a pretty good price for a featherbed. It was on clearance anyway."
"Oh I don't want to pay that much. Put it back!"
Seriously, I don't think they bought a damn thing. Just kept wandering around and complaining that everything was so expensive.
Son Of Bonus BOGO Banality (AKA The Big Finish)
My last customer of the day was over in plastics. She asked me where some specific storage totes were that were on BOGO, and so I showed her where they were.
"Great! I want three of them. Will I get charged for the one on the buy one get one sale and the third one at half price?"
"Actually ma'am, this time you need to buy one at regular price to get the second free. If you buy a third, it would be regular price as well."
"Well that's a crock of bullshit! You always let people buy one item at half price in these kinds of sales! Why not this time"
Because I hate you. In fact, had you engaged your eyes and your brain before opening up your festering gob, you would have noticed the print on the sign reading "Must buy one at regular price to get the second free."
I dunno, I guess somebody up there must've decided we weren't getting our fair share or cranks, crabs, curmudgeons and cuntmuffins so they all descended upon us today. At least I have tomorrow off and vacation this weekend.
So in summation: Cookies, now. And booze. Lots and lots of booze.
)
*glug glug glug*
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