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Uncle Khiras Hears the Ocean (Vulgar/long as always)
This one is just ongoing...you would think that a bunch of parents, here with their children for basketball/volleyball state tournaments, would think that having their kids get plenty of sleep would be a good thing. Naturally, since you are a reasonable person, you would be incorrect. Let's begin, shall we?
GTFTS
As I mentioned, we have a lot of children from ages 4 to 16ish roughly, which generally translates their collective age to "pain in the fucking ass" territory. Naturally, since we have about 200 of these kids here, I'm sure that their parents and coaches are just wonderful, attentive fuckers, right? Ha, yeah right. The first night, they simply congregated in the lobby for a late night drink-a-thon, which was merely annoying (I mean, at least they are not up in the rooms causing complaints). However, their children weren't so considerate.
Here's a quick list of the ones I encountered:
1 - The Cheerleaders. This group of 8 teenage girls went to a room and started, no shit, leading a fucking spirit cheer at 12:30 in the morning! I didn't hear the cheer itself (I was too far away to make out the words and only heard the noise and random screaming), but I can only imagine the words went something like this:
Oohmpa loohmpa foohmpa slice,
We are god damned wastes of life!
WAOAOOOIIGHGHHTT!!!!
It seems like something that they would come up with, especially since they seemed completely unable to comprehend that "wait, uh, people can hear us outside the room?" No, I just magically showed up and told you to shut the hell up and go the hell to sleep because enacting the World's Dumbest Cheer summons me like a frigging genie.
2 - Tag, You're An Idiot! This one falls into the same category, as here is a word-for-word quote from one of these mental colossus. Colosses? Colossi? Colossuses? Goddamn Latin correspondence course (brownie points for anyone who knows the reference).
"People can hear us when we're in the hallways?"
Let's categorize your activities: you are A) running around and stomping your feet as loud as possible doing so, B) running in and out of stairwells, slamming the doors, C) laughing, screaming, and talking as loud as possible. D) You are all idiots, and E) All of the above is automatically selected. While it's quite possible that you could wake sleeping people at 1am with D alone, via transmission of Stupid Waves that no doubt surround your person at all times (thankfully, I've built up an immunity most of the time), the combination of all of the listed items is making the guests around you peeved. Oh, sorry, I mistyped that, I meant "psychotically aggressive." I was out of patience with this group, I dragged them to the lobby (not physically, obviously, I'm crazy not insane), found their parents, and basked in the red-hot rays of apathy they showed towards their respective brats. Thanks for the backup, moms and dads, I'm sure your genital accomplishments will grow up to be stellar people in a few years/months/seconds.
3 - Cheerleaders, Adult Version - Ah, I wondered where version 1 got it from, but I just heard some of the adults in the lobby (thank god, still only annoying the fuck out of ME) come up with their own cheer. I still didn't hear the words exactly, since it was distorted across the lobby area, but I'm pretty sure I heard "Frog Blast the Vent Core" at some point, which made me blink. They followed it up by all hopping on those stupid plastic horns they give to idiots at arenas and sounding this awful mating call through the entire lobby. They then all stopped, and like a herd of cows looking at an oncoming train, looked directly into my eyes.
Two things happened at once: they all stopped, and looked both alarmed (I was angry) and ashamed. Meanwhile, when I made eye contact with them, I started hearing the ocean in my brain, and had to break off eye contact before I lost any more brain cells.
Picture unrelated.
4 - The Doorbanger. Ah, Captain Mechanical Understanding liked to stand outside the elevator, trying to continue conversations with people inside the elevators. Problem? When an elevator door is open too long, it sounds an alarm and starts closing until it meets enough resistance (ie, someone caught in the door), and then it reopens. Well, this moron wasn't standing in the way of the door, so it kept closing all the way on him. His reaction, mind you, was both appropriate and normal.
He started punching, kicking, and screaming at the door, then suddenly noticing the employees rapidly approaching from behind to ask pertinent, polite questions like "What drug cocktail are you on, you malignant diarrheal mass?" I was annoyed the first time he did it, angry the second time, and I just called the cops on him the third time, wherein he was sent to visit detox. Amazingly, he didn't manage to dent the elevator door. Apparently they built that shit from adamantium. Impressive.
5 - A C@C post, midway through! I know, wrong forum, but I'm on a roll here folks! Checked in a few people, and got a call back that their track hadn't been cleared, and there were some dirty cups. (FFFFFFUUUU-) I offered to change everything out, but they declined...until they noticed that the beds were dirty too! Eew. Well, I can move them and comp one night off their rate, no prob, so I make new keys and prepare to check them into a room almost right next door...when I get there, the room is propped open.
I look inside, and it's not trashed, but it's not clean either. Dammit. OK, the next empty room is next door, and that door was closed...use my keys to get in and...wtf!?
it's even worse!
I check 3 more rooms and finally find one that's empty AND clean, and get them moved...they are happy, one worked in a hotel recently so she understood, but I still felt like crap. Whoever the housekeeper was on those rooms is pissing me off tonight, since I found 3 more dirty rooms during the hunt for the clean one.
The Cash Problem
I'm selling someone some food items overnight.
SC: How much are these chips?
Me: $2.17 after tax.
SC: Uh...how much are these chips?
Me: Same price.
SC: How much?
Me: /facepalm...$2.17 after tax.
SC: Oh...and how much are these chips>
Me: Same. Price.
SC: Oh...uh...um...
Me: *sigh* $2.17 after tax...
SC: Oh. Uh. Um...ok. So if I got 2 bags of chips, what would that be?
Me: $4.34 after tax.
SC: I thought it was $2.17 or something?
Me: /facepalm HARDER. It's $2.17 after tax EACH. Hence, for two of them, it's $4.34. After tax.
SC: Oh...what about if I do THESE two chips? (pulls out another combo that he got the prices on already)
Me: *begins to sway as the sounds of the ocean start invading my brain again*
Oh god, someone make the noises stop! If I turn my head too fast I can honestly hear my steadily liquifying brain slosh around in there. If only you could-
Ok, not like that
BBBBBVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!
Ok, that is NOT how I wanted you to clear the noise from my head you three-lipped unwashed MONKEY FUCKERS! Go the fuck to sleep, you frigging people!!!
Not the place...
In the midst of being run ragged in every direction, I go back by the dining room in the lobby (which I already knew would be a mess) and notice a ton of tables have been moved. Why? Because there is a full on game of beer pong that's started at 2:30am.
Come ON you guys, you are all adults...like, mostly over the age of 30. And you're playing Beer Pong. In a hotel dining area. I realize that you people are vicariously living through your teenage children, hoping that their sports achievements will somehow bring you some remembrance of your own glory, faded, shameful, and washed down a shower like a post-shart piece of evidence though it may be. I also realize that I can very quickly count all of the fucks I don't give, and point out that I both have to clean up after you all, and that I want you to die.
There's also a ton of cheering going on that isn't for the game. Why? Because people are watching ESPN classic and seeing a football game from 1970. Seriously, haven't you people ever heard of the internet? I found out the score in 10 seconds flat.
The dining area was a disaster...and I don't mean "oh it's just messy." I mean a full on calamity...it took hours to clean that area of all the crap that they spilled. You know, at least when there are big concerts here that bring in hundreds of druggies, they manage to more or less clean up after themselves. This crew of sloppy drunks and their unparented wandering snowflakes couldn't find a trash can if it was being hurled at their faces. Which, given my mood, is an increasing possibility.
Giant space boobies, fly away to the moon!
Oh, and naturally, they're singing. Well, I wouldn't call it singing, really, but there are words involved. Some of them are even from the song they think it's from. The lack of tone and coherence sort of ruins the effects though, and a little more of me dies inside every time they try it.
Your god sucks.
I only assume that you have a god involved, since cleaning up after the disaster you left was even worse than I'd thought; there had to be some sort of deity involved to make things so shitty.. The entire dining room floor, and half of the tables, was sticky like those traps you buy for mice if you're an asshole. Shattered glass was everywhere, which confuses me, since I never heard any glass break, and no one fucking said "hey, there's some broken glass in that area where our children are going to be eating tomorrow!" Great forethought there.
The cleaning itself involved messes that defy logic. There were spills that I mopped half a dozen times that just would not clean; there are spots on the floor that will be sticky for months simply because I wasn't willing to burn the hotel down to fix the problem.
And that's before getting to the public bathrooms, which I tried to get to for six hours and couldn't. Where should I start? One of 12 toilets (BETWEEN THE TWO) was not filled with shit. Each bathroom also has 2 trash cans, one of which (the one under the sinks) was overflowing, and the other was completely empty in both. Then, someone apparently bled all over in both bathrooms, which again is odd since you would think someone would mention that shit? Of course not.
I go to get some gloves from Housekeeping to clean it and...naturally, there are no gloves anywhere to be found. I left a note for the housekeeping manager...I will do a lot of things, but handling blood/puke/etc without protective gear is not one of them. Bloodborne pathogens are a paranoia of mine, and I won't even begin to play around with that. I swept up the trash and bottles as best I could, then put the bathrooms out of order and walked away. Someone else can clean up the murder scenes later. Yes, that's sceneS, plural. So, now that's done and I can relax, right? No, I have tons of paperwork that's not done still, and I have to start getting things ready for the morning breakfast. Utter night of hell.
Edit: BTW, I get to do it all again tomorrow too. YAY!!!
GTFTS
As I mentioned, we have a lot of children from ages 4 to 16ish roughly, which generally translates their collective age to "pain in the fucking ass" territory. Naturally, since we have about 200 of these kids here, I'm sure that their parents and coaches are just wonderful, attentive fuckers, right? Ha, yeah right. The first night, they simply congregated in the lobby for a late night drink-a-thon, which was merely annoying (I mean, at least they are not up in the rooms causing complaints). However, their children weren't so considerate.
Here's a quick list of the ones I encountered:
1 - The Cheerleaders. This group of 8 teenage girls went to a room and started, no shit, leading a fucking spirit cheer at 12:30 in the morning! I didn't hear the cheer itself (I was too far away to make out the words and only heard the noise and random screaming), but I can only imagine the words went something like this:
Oohmpa loohmpa foohmpa slice,
We are god damned wastes of life!
WAOAOOOIIGHGHHTT!!!!
It seems like something that they would come up with, especially since they seemed completely unable to comprehend that "wait, uh, people can hear us outside the room?" No, I just magically showed up and told you to shut the hell up and go the hell to sleep because enacting the World's Dumbest Cheer summons me like a frigging genie.
2 - Tag, You're An Idiot! This one falls into the same category, as here is a word-for-word quote from one of these mental colossus. Colosses? Colossi? Colossuses? Goddamn Latin correspondence course (brownie points for anyone who knows the reference).
"People can hear us when we're in the hallways?"
Let's categorize your activities: you are A) running around and stomping your feet as loud as possible doing so, B) running in and out of stairwells, slamming the doors, C) laughing, screaming, and talking as loud as possible. D) You are all idiots, and E) All of the above is automatically selected. While it's quite possible that you could wake sleeping people at 1am with D alone, via transmission of Stupid Waves that no doubt surround your person at all times (thankfully, I've built up an immunity most of the time), the combination of all of the listed items is making the guests around you peeved. Oh, sorry, I mistyped that, I meant "psychotically aggressive." I was out of patience with this group, I dragged them to the lobby (not physically, obviously, I'm crazy not insane), found their parents, and basked in the red-hot rays of apathy they showed towards their respective brats. Thanks for the backup, moms and dads, I'm sure your genital accomplishments will grow up to be stellar people in a few years/months/seconds.
3 - Cheerleaders, Adult Version - Ah, I wondered where version 1 got it from, but I just heard some of the adults in the lobby (thank god, still only annoying the fuck out of ME) come up with their own cheer. I still didn't hear the words exactly, since it was distorted across the lobby area, but I'm pretty sure I heard "Frog Blast the Vent Core" at some point, which made me blink. They followed it up by all hopping on those stupid plastic horns they give to idiots at arenas and sounding this awful mating call through the entire lobby. They then all stopped, and like a herd of cows looking at an oncoming train, looked directly into my eyes.
Two things happened at once: they all stopped, and looked both alarmed (I was angry) and ashamed. Meanwhile, when I made eye contact with them, I started hearing the ocean in my brain, and had to break off eye contact before I lost any more brain cells.
Picture unrelated.
4 - The Doorbanger. Ah, Captain Mechanical Understanding liked to stand outside the elevator, trying to continue conversations with people inside the elevators. Problem? When an elevator door is open too long, it sounds an alarm and starts closing until it meets enough resistance (ie, someone caught in the door), and then it reopens. Well, this moron wasn't standing in the way of the door, so it kept closing all the way on him. His reaction, mind you, was both appropriate and normal.
He started punching, kicking, and screaming at the door, then suddenly noticing the employees rapidly approaching from behind to ask pertinent, polite questions like "What drug cocktail are you on, you malignant diarrheal mass?" I was annoyed the first time he did it, angry the second time, and I just called the cops on him the third time, wherein he was sent to visit detox. Amazingly, he didn't manage to dent the elevator door. Apparently they built that shit from adamantium. Impressive.
5 - A C@C post, midway through! I know, wrong forum, but I'm on a roll here folks! Checked in a few people, and got a call back that their track hadn't been cleared, and there were some dirty cups. (FFFFFFUUUU-) I offered to change everything out, but they declined...until they noticed that the beds were dirty too! Eew. Well, I can move them and comp one night off their rate, no prob, so I make new keys and prepare to check them into a room almost right next door...when I get there, the room is propped open.
I look inside, and it's not trashed, but it's not clean either. Dammit. OK, the next empty room is next door, and that door was closed...use my keys to get in and...wtf!?
it's even worse!I check 3 more rooms and finally find one that's empty AND clean, and get them moved...they are happy, one worked in a hotel recently so she understood, but I still felt like crap. Whoever the housekeeper was on those rooms is pissing me off tonight, since I found 3 more dirty rooms during the hunt for the clean one.
The Cash Problem
I'm selling someone some food items overnight.
SC: How much are these chips?
Me: $2.17 after tax.
SC: Uh...how much are these chips?
Me: Same price.
SC: How much?
Me: /facepalm...$2.17 after tax.
SC: Oh...and how much are these chips>
Me: Same. Price.
SC: Oh...uh...um...
Me: *sigh* $2.17 after tax...
SC: Oh. Uh. Um...ok. So if I got 2 bags of chips, what would that be?
Me: $4.34 after tax.
SC: I thought it was $2.17 or something?
Me: /facepalm HARDER. It's $2.17 after tax EACH. Hence, for two of them, it's $4.34. After tax.
SC: Oh...what about if I do THESE two chips? (pulls out another combo that he got the prices on already)
Me: *begins to sway as the sounds of the ocean start invading my brain again*
Oh god, someone make the noises stop! If I turn my head too fast I can honestly hear my steadily liquifying brain slosh around in there. If only you could-
Ok, not like that
BBBBBVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!!!!!
Ok, that is NOT how I wanted you to clear the noise from my head you three-lipped unwashed MONKEY FUCKERS! Go the fuck to sleep, you frigging people!!!
Not the place...
In the midst of being run ragged in every direction, I go back by the dining room in the lobby (which I already knew would be a mess) and notice a ton of tables have been moved. Why? Because there is a full on game of beer pong that's started at 2:30am.
Come ON you guys, you are all adults...like, mostly over the age of 30. And you're playing Beer Pong. In a hotel dining area. I realize that you people are vicariously living through your teenage children, hoping that their sports achievements will somehow bring you some remembrance of your own glory, faded, shameful, and washed down a shower like a post-shart piece of evidence though it may be. I also realize that I can very quickly count all of the fucks I don't give, and point out that I both have to clean up after you all, and that I want you to die.
There's also a ton of cheering going on that isn't for the game. Why? Because people are watching ESPN classic and seeing a football game from 1970. Seriously, haven't you people ever heard of the internet? I found out the score in 10 seconds flat.
The dining area was a disaster...and I don't mean "oh it's just messy." I mean a full on calamity...it took hours to clean that area of all the crap that they spilled. You know, at least when there are big concerts here that bring in hundreds of druggies, they manage to more or less clean up after themselves. This crew of sloppy drunks and their unparented wandering snowflakes couldn't find a trash can if it was being hurled at their faces. Which, given my mood, is an increasing possibility.
Giant space boobies, fly away to the moon!
Oh, and naturally, they're singing. Well, I wouldn't call it singing, really, but there are words involved. Some of them are even from the song they think it's from. The lack of tone and coherence sort of ruins the effects though, and a little more of me dies inside every time they try it.
Your god sucks.
I only assume that you have a god involved, since cleaning up after the disaster you left was even worse than I'd thought; there had to be some sort of deity involved to make things so shitty.. The entire dining room floor, and half of the tables, was sticky like those traps you buy for mice if you're an asshole. Shattered glass was everywhere, which confuses me, since I never heard any glass break, and no one fucking said "hey, there's some broken glass in that area where our children are going to be eating tomorrow!" Great forethought there.
The cleaning itself involved messes that defy logic. There were spills that I mopped half a dozen times that just would not clean; there are spots on the floor that will be sticky for months simply because I wasn't willing to burn the hotel down to fix the problem.
And that's before getting to the public bathrooms, which I tried to get to for six hours and couldn't. Where should I start? One of 12 toilets (BETWEEN THE TWO) was not filled with shit. Each bathroom also has 2 trash cans, one of which (the one under the sinks) was overflowing, and the other was completely empty in both. Then, someone apparently bled all over in both bathrooms, which again is odd since you would think someone would mention that shit? Of course not.
I go to get some gloves from Housekeeping to clean it and...naturally, there are no gloves anywhere to be found. I left a note for the housekeeping manager...I will do a lot of things, but handling blood/puke/etc without protective gear is not one of them. Bloodborne pathogens are a paranoia of mine, and I won't even begin to play around with that. I swept up the trash and bottles as best I could, then put the bathrooms out of order and walked away. Someone else can clean up the murder scenes later. Yes, that's sceneS, plural. So, now that's done and I can relax, right? No, I have tons of paperwork that's not done still, and I have to start getting things ready for the morning breakfast. Utter night of hell.
Edit: BTW, I get to do it all again tomorrow too. YAY!!!
Some people!
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