Struggling with Depression

[reimero]

Joi - If you keep one thing in mind, keep this in mind: you are not alone. You have friends who care about you. A lot.

[Kanalah]

:hugs: for Joi.

I know a lot of people here have depression, I do too and it's terrible this time of year.

I consider you a friend and I love reading your stories. You must have the patience of a saint to deal with the crazy.

Heck you know what? I'm gonna PM you in January when I get back from the in-laws and see what kind of quilt you'd like. Now you have to stick around.

Edit: that offer goes to anyone here with depression. I'm serious, I'll totally send you a quilt. Making them helps with my depression, and I love being able to make other people feel better.

[JoitheArtist]

Heck you know what? I'm gonna PM you in January when I get back from the in-laws and see what kind of quilt you'd like. Now you have to stick around.

Edit: that offer goes to anyone here with depression. I'm serious, I'll totally send you a quilt. Making them helps with my depression, and I love being able to make other people feel better.

I...I would never hold you to an offer like that, but if you really want to, that would be amazing.



And thanks, everyone, for your words. It helps, at least a little.

Doing my best to stick around,


~Joi

[Kanalah]

I wouldn't offer if I wasn't serious.

You're having a rough time of it, go sit down and cuddle with a quilt and think about all your friends on CS and I promise it'll make you feel better.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Kanalah, what a beautiful and generous offer. You are all kinds of awesome.

[Cookie]

Joi, I'm there with you. It is SO hard to tell someone...anyone. But you did the right thing. I can't tell you what it's meant to have the people here rally around me while I struggle with this. I may not be able to offer much, but if you need someone to talk to, let me know. I haven't caught everything, but I know you've been through a lot lately and it does pile up inside even when you think you've dealt with it all as it came. And yeah, numbness can be a huuuge relief.

I don't know you as well as some here do, but I do care and want you to stick around.

[Seshat]

You may notice that I often provide patient-advice on both depression and pain management.

You may also notice that I almost never talk about my own life.

Same thing. I suffer it. I don't feel like I have a 'right' to 'burden' other people with my problems.

You have my sympathy and understanding.

[JoitheArtist]

Thanks for all the support, everyone. I'm glad to have a safe place to post.

It's now been a week since my meltdown. I'd like to say things are better, but they really aren't. I'm still way beyond broke, with bills piling up. I can't get Christmas presents for anyone this year, and even if I could make something, I couldn't afford to mail it. My church is in crisis, with lots of people yelling at each other. And none of that is even the main issue: I just can't stand myself any longer.

Right now, I don't actively want to kill myself, so I guess that's something of an improvement from last week. I still go to sleep at night hoping I'm not going to wake up. I try to hope for some kind of Christmas miracle that will make things better, but those almost never actually happen, and I wouldn't deserve one if they did.

Sorry for being a downer during the holidays. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement; sometimes that's the only thing that keeps me going.

~Joi

[BlaqueKatt]

raps found these for me when I was going through similar, oddly they helped, because reading through them was like OMG, someone gets it. personally I've stopped talking about it because I keep getting told that I'm upsetting people, so I suffer in silence, it sucks. I've managed to get an appointment in mid january(booked it in early november, it was the earliest available), and like you I'm pretty sure it won't help, my depression is due to my entire life falling apart, and except for the people here, I have no support, and due to some things that were said to me by a member here, I don't feel safe talking to anyone here either.

[Cookie]

As someone reading these posts knowing people have said things, it really makes me mad. I think the support around here is wonderful, but there will always be some, I guess. You guys don't need to worry about bringing people down. Nobody is making anyone read every post on the board.

On the OTHER side of this, some things were said in my thread, too, about my depression and suicidal tendencies that have made me not want to post any updates. So yeah, I get it. for Joi and for BlaqueKatt

[Akasa]

Aww Joi, hang in there. We'd miss you if you left us.
/big hugs

You can post about that kind of thing here, your depression is valid, you are not whiny for posting about it. We want to offer you support to get through this rough patch.

[Teysa]

*Hugs* I'm sorry you're going through all this. I'll PM you my contact information too if you need to talk.

Just remember that we're here for you.

[Buglady]

Joi, you don't need to apologise for your feelings! I am so sorry you've had people in your life that told you that. How utterly insensitive of them, and unfair.

The holidays are hard, for many reasons. There's a lot of expectations and a lot of memories; not to mention, it's a physically dark, cold season in a big chunk of the world and that takes its toll as well. We're complicated creatures, humans, and we are more affected by the rhythms of the natural world than we like to admit. (Where I am, we are down to less than 8 hours of daylight today; sunrise 8:32 a.m., sunset 4:28 p.m.... gah! But that's kind of extreme, and at least in Calgary we have pretty good odds of having bright sunlight for at least part of that 8 hours).

(Side note - I think that's WHY so many cultures have midwinter festivals - something to focus on in the deepest dark, and keep our communities and families from imploding... as well as a sense that we need to do something to lure the sun and warmth back...)

While I have always enjoyed reading your posts - you are an interesting, complex person! - by no means are you obligated to be "on," entertaining, or positive all the damn time! Nobody can do that. So. Whine, cry, scream, yell as much as you need; life sucks, frequently, and anyone who can't acknowledge that is probably a lot less healthy than you are. Go ahead and feel sorry for them.

Since as far as I can tell the alternatives to life all leave quite a bit to be desired, the next bit after yelling is to pick up and keep going, even just one more step, one more hour. Repeat as needed till something changes. And remember, you have a lot more people on your side than you realize

[SailorMan]

Joi, for most of my life I was extremely shy, and had pretty much withdrawn from the world (it's how I became a nerd - I'd read just about everything, in many subjects, as a sort of solitary sport). There were times back then when my soul really hurt, and so I know a little about what you're going through.

But, I always felt as if I never had anyone to whom I could turn, and that's definately not the case for you, here and now. There are many people on this site who genuinely like you -- we know you're a decent person, because your character and your personality have shown through, via the medium of your written words.

And so, if you were ever to leave us, many of us would feel as if there were an empty place in our hearts, in the spot where we keep the knowledge burning bright of people who have touched our lives, in all the best and finest ways.