need cat help please!!!

[Midnight12]

trying to keep the back history concise but IT WILL BE LONG, you have been warned (UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM)

there are four pets here, two cats and two dogs. the two dogs are primarily outside dogs and small, a chihuahua and a wiener dog because i don't know how to spell the proper name. the cats get along with the dogs so they are not an issue

I have a cat, Her name is Fluffy because when I got her as a kitten she was so small that i could barely see her face from the ball of fluff that she was. Due to this she is a runt or rather i call it being stuck in the in between kitten and adult cat size. she is almost five years old.

She has allergies to flea dander and when she does have fleas scratches and scratches until she is raw sometimes bleeding. Ever since I got her to Louisianan she went from being a long haired cat to medium length because she shed so much to adapt that for a short time she was almost bald. when she did adapt her hair length besides her tail was drastically shorter but still of a decent length.

there is another cat here, a big fat mean cat that doesn't bully her physically but does give her stare downs and sits close to her being menacing as if being that shadow that always hovers over her. they USED to play and get along mostly. something changed that she now hangs out in the windows of the house to the point she falls down because she won't come down beyond to eat and use her litterbox. she tries sleeping up there and because of that falls and loses her balance.

I have done all i can, shown her love, gotten her spaces for her to sit on and given her softer food, changed to better for her litter the occasional soft canned food. everything
only to have the other cat steal her food, snipe her litterbox (getting to that) and take all her spots

and about the litterbox. when i got fluffy she had trouble with the other three cats where I USED to live to the point they disliked her there SO MUCH they peed on any and everything on the floor or in reach to tell her we don't want you here. so to save her sanity i moved her to my room and got her her own litterbox. I KNOW cats are supposed to share boxes but its my fault she doesn't. so she has her own

I give both cats equal attention and love and punishment via the spray water bottle.
if fluffy ever goes outside its to see whats going on. without a doubt something scares her and she runs to the shed and hides able to sneak under the doorway due to unlevel ground issues and cannot get out until someone opens the door for her.

i have dealt with my husband and father in law kicking her out of her last two comfort spots, areas she feels safe in but will still fall off of and just about confining her to her one last spot. as in moved her food and litterbox there. without telling me

i am about to get her her own cat tower near the window so she has her own place. and another for the other cat since i know if i don't the one will be hogged.
i don't know what else to do since i cannot seem to educate these men about stop bullying my cat. by kicking her out of these spots she chose you are showing her you want her out even though its not true. i don't know why she clings to these spots either. i feel i failed her


UPDATE:
went to the vet this tuesday 6/12/12) morning. vet did the usual exam, noted that she was at the same weight she was when she first came here and confirmed with me that yes she did gain weight from the first time then lost it again by now.

He felt a mass in her bowels and to wanted to further examine and get a blood sample. To do that they needed to calm her down with some the gas version of feline anesthesia (small amount) and draw a blood sample. Sample checked out fine her levels are normal no kidney or liver issues and she woke up just fine. The mass felt like possibly a hairball trying to pass in her system which is bad i know.
Gave me some medicine to help her pass it and to give a half pill a day for 8 days and come back in two weeks if nothing has changed or she has gotten worse then its on to x-rays. to help the mass of hair pass if that is what it is, was advised to feed her more soft food and take away the hard food for a bit

[Midnight12]

also i am stressed but normally she picks up on that and gives me loves. now i am stressed because SHE is not well....she lost weight.
at tops fluffy would be maybe 8-10 pounds for her size she lost alot of weight and i can feel it when i pet her, almost see it. omg help me

[Kristev]

Part of this is a control issue between the dominant cat and the submissive cat. Something's causing stress. Something you can't see.

You did not fail her. She lacks confidence, or else she would be standing up for herself. It suggests to me that she's been abused by other cats and has no real fight left in her. But act like a mouse, and you'll be treated like one. Speak with a vet for their advice.

And I suggest seperating the cats, then offering a slow, controlled re-introduction. As for her loss of territory due to the men in your life, your men don't really seem to understand cats or their needs.

[Midnight12]

i've been to a vet before and we did what he suggested. got her her shots and stuff that got rid of the fleas. she has been flea free since, and it got her confidence back up
i separated the cats. chaos got one half of the house and fluffy got the other.
now its like i never did that and its back to square one. because of my husband and father in law undermining me

no, they are cat retarded even after all my attempts to change that.
hell fluffy would have been just fine in father in law's room if he didn't have such an issue with her cleaning herself on the bed and getting hair on it. i had the solution for that too and had no problem washing his comforter for him all of that but nooooo (it was the pet hair remover brush made for furniture) which pisses me off because chaos and the other animals shed all over the house so how is that different?
she got booted from his room and i think thats what started this no confidence again.

[Kristev]

I am not surprised.

My advice is to keep her in one place where she feels safe and let her stay there.

[auntiem]

These are not judgement questions - I think you are doing what you think will help your cat - I've just been exposed to so many cat issues at this point and learned some things that I think the answers may help for further advice.
1) Are you using the spray bottle on the "fearful" cat?
2) I have never done this (we are a one box family), but general rules are one littlerbox for each cat - do you just have one for all the cats? I have a cat that isn't a "bully" but has to use the clean litterbox first to establish teritory.
3) This is a big one - how well do you know the person who gave you Fluffy? Any chance mama cat kicked her out of the litter when she was born and the human put her back in the litter? We had a cat that used to fall off the tv all the time - a specialized vet clinic finaly confirmed that she had a rare genetic disorder. We found out later that the human had put her back after she was kicked out.
4) If you can get the others to watch "My Cat From Hell" on Animal Planet they may figure out that what they are doing are hurting the situation.
5) Finally, if you have a good vet - ask them to give Fluffy a FIP test. They may not because cats can have it but not exibit symptoms. What you describe is what happened to one of my cats - if it comes back confirmed please let me know and I'll help you through it. I pray it isn't the case.

As for help while you are trying other things - I'm assuming this cat loves you right? Instead of safe spots - maybe wear a soft hoody for a day ( so it smells like you) and wadding it up in a spot where you can keep an eye on her during a nap time (I don't know what your schedule is like, but most cats keep a "schedule" if you watch them for a few days) sometimes a good nap in a safe place does wonders.

Oh, and treats for when she is even close to being brave near the others also does great. Steamed chicken is a special treat that even my most non-eater cats can't resist.

[Andara Bledin]

The hogging of spots and eating of food and using of the litter box are all dominance tactics. You cannot change this.

However, you can mitigate some of it by being sure that when you give treats, you give treats to both and give to the dominant cat first. This will assure the dominant that it is dominant, and it will have less reason to assert that fact. Showing favor that is outside the chain of dominance will confuse them and can cause the one that should be alpha to act out to re-assert their status.

^-.-^

[BookstoreEscapee]

However, you can mitigate some of it by being sure that when you give treats, you give treats to both and give to the dominant cat first. This will assure the dominant that it is dominant, and it will have less reason to assert that fact. Showing favor that is outside the chain of dominance will confuse them and can cause the one that should be alpha to act out to re-assert their status.

^-.-^

We do this with ours, because if the boy gets his first he'll be too busy eating them to try to eat the girl's treats. They get them in separate dishes on opposite sides of the room. (They don't have this issue with regular food, though, just treats (which are just a different kind of dry food from their regular stuff...my mom realized it's a lot cheaper than buying actual cat treats.) Boy is definitely the more dominant one but mostly they get along and girl is not afraid to fight back when he starts in on her.)

[Midnight12]

UPDATE:
went to the vet this morning. vet did the usual exam, noted that she was at the same weight she was when she first came here and confirmed with me that yes she did gain weight from the first time then lost it again by now.

He felt a mass in her bowels and to wanted to further examine and get a blood sample. To do that they needed to calm her down with some the gas version of feline anesthesia (small amount) and draw a blood sample. Sample checked out fine her levels are normal no kidney or liver issues and she woke up just fine. The mass felt like possibly a hairball trying to pass in her system which is bad i know.
Gave me some medicine to help her pass it and to give a half pill a day for 8 days and come back in two weeks if nothing has changed or she has gotten worse then its on to x-rays. to help the mass of hair pass if that is what it is, was advised to feed her more soft food and take away the hard food for a bit

Kristev leaving her be yet giving loves when i pass by her window spot. she has chosen her safe spot and i leave her be even if it means ruining the curtains (not that she is mind you yet now that i know i am letting it go...i can't stand them anyways)

auntiem I stopped spraying her when she would get in the windows last week i would just pick her up and take her to another room and prevent her from getting back in by closing the doors and baby gates.
yes, one litterbox per cat in separate rooms and they don't share each others anymore. the older cat that was here first would snipe fluff's on occasion and we stopped that
The mama cat loved all four of her kittens, two males two females. the father was on the small side. all four kittens were given to good homes because the parent cats had to be rescued from the owner. but none were taken away early
I watched and try to watch my cat from hell. i learned alot about the episodes - would love it if he could come to our house but the situation is not dire - and dad has seen some episodes. hubs not so much
she does love me, will do the hoody thing once the a/c is repaired. i am home all day so i keep an eye on her, even more so now
the canned food was a treat, and going to stick to it as its a food issue and don't want to make it worse for her

Andara i give both cats soft food and give equal attention to them and nip some issues in the bud. for the most part the dominant cat has left fluffy alone and reclaimed her outside territory

BookstoreEscapee good idea, will try this when its ok to give treats

[Pixilated]

Midnight, this is probably a really stupid question but have you talked to your hubby and FIL (in words of one syllable, LOL!) about what they are doing to this cat and how this makes YOU feel? If they don't have any empathy for the cat, perhaps they will mitigate their behaviour if they know it upsets you?

Only suggestion I can come up with, I'm afraid.

I've always had multiple-cat households and there has always been a pecking order of sorts, but never anything as lopsided as the one you are describing.

A long time ago, somebody recommended HomeoPet (HP) Natural Remedy for Anxiety. I don't know if it's still sold but there may be something similar out there. It was supposed to take the "edge" off the jittery kitty I had at the time. To be honest, I don't remember how well it worked -- it was a few cats ago -- but it might be something you want to check into for your frightened kitty. (This was sold in a pet supply store, not a vet clinic, by the way.)

[violiavampyr]

I once had a cat the tormented the other so much that whenever she walked around the house she would do low to the floor, also she was stunted. Until my sister moved out with her in 05. After that she gained weight and stopped slinking around the floor.


ETA: that same cat also tormented my dog.

[MoonCat]

The others have given some good advice. I can't add much except that I think you're doing everything you can. Cats are VERY territorial. Sometimes all you can do is keep the less-aggressive one away from the others.

There is a product called Feliway that you can buy at pet stores. It's a synthetic hormone that helps cats to calm down. You can spray it here and there in the house, in the places where she spends most of her time (not directly on the cat). It can be pricey but is usually less expensive if you get the plain bottle...there's a kit that comes with a video but that's the more expensive version. Your vet should be able to tell you about this and might even be able to sell it to you.

She defiintely needs a place to call her own where the other cats won't bother her, and her own litter box and food bowls, if possible placed where the other cats can't get at them.

And I agree that if possible, you might try sitting down with the menfolk and explain that what they are doing is cruel to the cat, and it hurts you as well. Be nice but be firm. If they care for you at all they will at least listen and hopefully change this behavior.

[Midnight12]

thank you all for the help. posting the update at the bottom of the first post

Pixilated
I had a talk with FIL and hubs this morning and finished with FIL this evening a while ago as he had to get to work in the morning
they really did mean the best of intentions and were not trying to.
as i said in the first post, they are not cat savy, in fact they often react to her as if she were a dog because they are dog people. they have Chaos, the first and dominant cat because the youngest sis in law couldn't take her when she moved.

SO i told them that i know they meant well and its NOT what they are saying or doing but to Fluffy their actions are saying to her they don't want her. either in this place or that place or at worst we don't want you here. which i know is not true and they know is not true but she doesn't as she is a cat. and for me i treat her like she needs that daily reassurance and give loves very often.
so they are trying now

MoonCat
just like i told Pixilated, i sat down and talked and did convey how i felt. they are trying
if i can find it in my area i will try to get the spray. she doesn't do well with things sprayed on her even if its to help. she thinks its punishment or water

i do have some paste that tastes like fish or tuna that i put on her paws so she can lick it off that helps calm. but again if its a digestive system blockage its pointless right now

[Midnight12]

dis mah kitty
almost five years old and if you can't tell stuck in the middle phase of growing from a kitten to adult size. the teen size i suppose. and thats as big as she will ever get and due to this she is about sensitive to alot of things. outside especially even though she wants to go out alot

[retailworker7]

Midnight,

You might want to check out the a forum I am a member of called the catsite. You can do a yahoo search for catsite forums. You have to register but it is free and you can post and ask questions immediately after you register. Perhaps someone on that site could give you some advice. There are some products I have read about on that site that might help your kitty. You may want to try Feliway which I belive is a plug in difuser or a spray. Another product I have seen mentioned is Rescue Rememdy which I think is put in the cat's water. The people on this forum are very helpful and there are a lot of people that have multi-cat households. They may also be able to give you tips on other things that you can do at home to help your cat get that hairball out of her system. This forum also has a search function so you may be able to use that to find some answers.

I have a multi-cat household but I have not personally had experience with the level of dominance issues you are dealing with. I would post a link to the forum here but I am not sure if the moderators would approve.

Good luck to you and your babies in trying to get these issues resolved.