Rednecks Behaving Badly
Note: For the purposes of this exercise, when we use the term "redneck" we refer to those individuals with rough, grating Southern accents; rough, grating features resulting from years of bad living; and a tendency to dress inappropriately when out in public.
Further note: So as not to offend, the location where these sightings took place shall remain nameless.
So, my boyfriend and I took a trip to a city a couple of hours away from where we live, and we've had a good time so far. There's a lot to see and do here and it's been very interesting.
However, over the course of the festivities, we've been party to three sightings, all of the same type. All have involved rednecks behaving badly in public.
The first sighting came at an aquarium, where a redneck family began to argue loudly in front of the seahorse exhibit. It nearly came to blows, in fact, and the culmination came when a middle-aged woman ran from the room in tears. I later saw her behind a jellyfish tank crying and wiping her eyes. I asked her if she was alright and she said that she was, but was obviously lying. It was hard to tell what the shouting match involved, although no fewer than five people were involved.
The second sighting came outside our hotel, where we stood watching a fireworks show. A large redneck man began to yell at a large redneck woman about a phone number. She screamed at him not to call her a bitch in front of all these people. He screamed back that he would call her whatever he wanted. They kept it up for a while, then stormed off together.
The third sighting came immediately after the second, and involved an older redneck woman with a face like the bottom of a leather bag who appeared to be standing among her grandchildren. None of the grandchildren appeared to be older than fifteen and all of them, grandmother and grandchildren alike, were chain-smoking like freight trains while enjoying the show. Classy. Very classy.
Edit: Bonus sightings! Tonight we went out to a Thai restaurant for supper. We're in the habit of washing our hands before we eat. I went in the bathroom first and found that someone had left a bloody tampon in the toilet bowl -- in the men's room. Boyfriend went in a little later and noticed an open pack of razors (for sensitive skin) under the sink. Firstly, why was a woman in the men's room, taking out a tampon? Secondly, who was shaving and what were they shaving? Boyfriend suspects a female-to-male transsexual, but I remain dubious because personally I find it hard to fathom that anyone would be so overcome by an urge to shave their legs (or anything else) that they'd succumb to the urge in a restaurant bathroom.
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There's a creature on the lawn whose proportions are all wrong, and it stares at me with far too many eyes...
Last edited by Antisocial_Worker; 06-17-2012 at 04:18 AM.
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