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  • It takes a special kind of person...

    Alright a few from this week. Long.

    Don't pop your last brain cell...

    Part of my job is to check to see where our equipment is located so we charge the proper tax on it. So I get a call from a girl who's freaking out over her bill. She swears that if the asset is purchased after the 16th of the month, only half a months tax is due.

    Well, their asset was purchased on the 31st, and she thinks she only owes for half a month of the FOLLOWING months tax bill. I asked her for the name or number of the rule so I could forward it to our tax department. When pressed all she said was, "It's a rule." And there is a rule if you're an idiot, you pay me a million dollars... It's a RULE!

    She also stated that their equipment was not in the particular county we had it located in and asked why we thought it was there. I told her it was part of the original contract they signed and that's what they told us.

    Since it was wrong, we can do a change on location. The conversation went like this:

    SC: It says here in our original contract that it's located X and it's not. We never said that.
    Me: That's right, we just pulled a random address from the phone book and used our one in 3.6 billion chance we got some place close that was actually owned by you guys! Ok, what is the address where this is primarly located?
    SC: 02055
    Me: ...
    SC: ...
    Me: And?
    SC: Oh, you wanted the full address?
    Me: Yes. What is that number?
    SC: Oh, that was just the zip code. You really need the full address? You can't locate it by zip code alone?
    Me: No we need the full address.
    SC: *Gives address*
    Me: What is the county?
    SC: There is no county. Just *City*.
    Me: Every large metropolitian area, save for DC has a county.
    SC: There is no county, it's just *City*.
    Me: Yes, there is a county.
    SC: Hang on let me check. *back ground babble* No. Just *City*. No county.
    Me: Ok then, I'll try and process this, but they are going to want the county this is located in.
    SC: There is no county.

    So I end the call and ask my co worker this really stupid question. I asked her if *City* had a county. She burst out laughing and looked at me like I was an idiot. I shrugged and told her I knew it was stupid, but was checking. Of course a google search produced my reply. The name of the county was the SAME name as the city. Example- Hartford, CT is in HARTFORD county.

    We processed the paperwork and when I called to let her know, I said, in the least smarmy way possible, "When we did your address change, we found that the county you are in is *City County* and you are in *City* town. Since that will appear on your bill I thought I would let you know so you weren't confused."

    Her reply, "Well isn't saying we are in *City* the same as saying we are in *City County*? No you blathering idiot, you spent a good ten minutes arguing with me that there was NO county

    My turtle is like a NASCAR driver!

    Some of the companies I work with do mortgages. When they do mortgages, they put a lien on the house.

    Today I get a call from a Realitor who was calling as this company didn't take the lien off the property. Sometimes it slips through the cracks and really doesn't make a huge difference until the person tries to sell the land or has a loss.

    Well this couple was trying to sell their property and it dawned on them they never got the property release form. Normally it's not a big deal, HOWEVER this is a special case. If it wasn't I wouldn't be writing about it.

    This mortgage loan ENDED in 1977. The original contract was written by a company that was absorbed by another company who was absorbed by another company who was absorbed by another company. Yes, it *dawned* on these people that 31 years LATER they never got the paper work.

    Of course they didn't have any kind of customer or account numbers for me to try and locate them, and because it was so old, I doubted if I could even find them in my computer records. We'd have to go into the cave of off sight storage down in the nuclear bunker guarded by the cwn annwn while a dragon uses those papers as a blanket.

    It's Geek to me!

    I used to think I new about computers. Boy was I wrong.

    My company does Tech Support for all our customers, a lot of times they'll call on the business support line instead of the tech support line. I can kind of understand the confusion, but if some one's have techincal issues, one would think that calling the TECH line would be more obvious. I have no idea how to VPN to the DVD PDQ or anything of the sort. I have very limited technical knowledge, especially when it comes to the computer programs we use, I'm as clueless as the next person.

    Today I get a call from a woman who couldn't access an off site intranet server. When she called my line I explained to her she called the wrong line and that I would transfer her to the right line.

    That went in one ear and out the other.

    SC: Well, I just need to know how to access this site. When I enter my password it tells me it's invalid.
    Me: Ok, which site are you accessing?
    SC: *intranet server site*
    Me: I'm not familar with that. Are you trying to VPN in?
    SC: No, I just want to check my email from home.
    Me: ??? Sorry, but no idea. Let me transfter you, I'm looking to see if anyone is available for you.
    SC: No need to transfer, all I'm trying to do is access *intranet server site* and it tells me my password is invalid.
    Me: I understand that, but I don't work in tech support and don't even have the slightest idea what you are trying to access.
    SC: I'm trying to access *intranet server site*.
    Me: I got that, but I don't know what program that is.
    SC: So how do I get in?
    Me: I'm not sure, I'm transfering you to tech support. You called the business support line.
    SC: But I just need to get into this and can't.
    Me: I know, I've forwarded the case details to our tech support group.
    SC: But I'm not at home where anyone can call me!
    Me: But you're one a phone now, we can't call you back on this line in less than 15 minutes?
    SC: No. I can't get in, what should I do?
    Me: I'm not sure, I'm trying to transfer you to someone who can help.
    *Repeat until she finally understands that all her words are Geek to me and are flying over my head faster than a jet plane*

    I had at least 2 calls like that today where the person on the other line had no idea they weren't calling tech support and that they knew more about what the heck they were doing than I was, but wanted me to fix it. I don't understand what VPN, RPC, SMB or SQL means. It's all Geek to me!

    I'm sure there will be more.
    Last edited by Gothicsmurf; 06-28-2008, 02:24 AM.
    You don't know what Hades is until you've worked at least one Christmas Season in a toy store that offers free gift wrapping.

  • #2
    The middle one - it's a special case because they took longer to resell the house than most? You did say that most people don't pick that up till they go to resell. If they don't sell ... they're not going to pick it up.

    Did a similar thing myself, not picking up we hadn't had a code compliance certificate from the local council before moving into the newly-built home. When we went to sell it 5 years later it came to light.

    The third one? Here's how that conversation would go for me:

    SC: Well, I just need to know how to access this site. When I enter my password it tells me it's invalid.
    Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.
    SC: I just want to check my email from home.
    Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.
    SC: No need to transfer, all I'm trying to do is access *intranet server site* and it tells me my password is invalid.
    Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.
    SC: I'm trying to access *intranet server site*.
    Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.
    SC: But I just need to get into this and can't.
    Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.

    Honestly, there are some times where simply repeating the same thing to the customer over and over is no help whatsoever. I guess those are the times when it really is your job to help. But when it's really not and they're just not listening? Don't get drawn into defences of *why* you're transferring to tech support. Just restate. Over. And over. And over.

    Eventually they're gonna go "okay", and BAM! Over to tech support they go!

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth One-Fang View Post
      The third one? Here's how that conversation would go for me:

      SC: Well, I just need to know how to access this site. When I enter my password it tells me it's invalid.
      Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.
      SC: I just want to check my email from home.
      Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.
      SC: No need to transfer, all I'm trying to do is access *intranet server site* and it tells me my password is invalid.
      Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.
      SC: I'm trying to access *intranet server site*.
      Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.
      SC: But I just need to get into this and can't.
      Me: Ok, let me transfer you to tech support, who can help with that.

      Honestly, there are some times where simply repeating the same thing to the customer over and over is no help whatsoever. I guess those are the times when it really is your job to help. But when it's really not and they're just not listening? Don't get drawn into defences of *why* you're transferring to tech support. Just restate. Over. And over. And over.

      Eventually they're gonna go "okay", and BAM! Over to tech support they go!

      For me, the conversation would be something like this:

      SC: I'm trying to access (whatever)
      ME Okay, let me transfer you to tech support.
      SC But I can't login....
      ME HOLD FOR TECH SUPPORT
      SC And I can't xyz my pdq or my eieio and my rpc has fubar'd my lmnop...
      ME (music on hold)
      SC Hello? Hello?

      As you've pointed out, there's usually no point in telling a customer anything. if
      it isn't EXACTLY what they want to hear, they will cheerfully ignore you and
      prattle on. Once they're on hold, though, they can argue with Herb Alpert and
      the Tijuana Brass band or whatever.

      Comment


      • #4
        [/
        Quoth InsuranceGuru View Post
        U][/B]
        Yes, it *dawned* on these people that 31 years LATER they never got the paper work.
        I completely an totally understand this. They pay off their mortgage, then they don't know exactly when the paper work is going to come, or even, necessarily, know exactly what paperwork they're supposed to get. If they got anything from the bank at all, then they might have mentally ticked off the box 'get paperwork from bank', and never thought anymore about it. Or if they didn't get anything, they didn't know how long it was going to take, so they gave it some time, and then nothing reminded them of the paperwork until they needed to sell the house. I know that the odds of my remembering something, without something to remind me of it, decrease with every passing day. You know how people say "Well, if it was important, you would have remembered it"? So not true.
        The High Priest is an Illusion!

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth One-Fang View Post
          Honestly, there are some times where simply repeating the same thing to the customer over and over is no help whatsoever. I guess those are the times when it really is your job to help. But when it's really not and they're just not listening? Don't get drawn into defences of *why* you're transferring to tech support. Just restate. Over. And over. And over.

          Eventually they're gonna go "okay", and BAM! Over to tech support they go!
          Me, I'm lucky enough I work for a company that will let me get away with treating the idiots like idiots, as long as it's done in a "polite-yet-condescending" way. The key to getting away with it, for me at least, is giving them a tone that drips "intelligent, polite, and helpful" enough to need a mop, while at the same time actually telling them what an idiot they are.

          My first instinct in this one is to go with something like:

          "Ma'am. Ma'am! I know you're upset at this problem, but this really isn't a situation I, personally, have the authority to handle. I can transfer you over to someone who can help you out, though. Okay?"
          ...WHY DO YOU TEMPT WHAT LITTLE FAITH IN HUMANITY I HAVE!?! -- Kalga
          And I want a pony for Christmas but neither of us is getting what we want OK! What you are asking is impossible. -- Wicked Lexi

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth InsuranceGuru View Post
            Her reply, "Well isn't saying we are in *City* the same as saying we are in *City County*?
            I really rather wish to eat this person (who's got the BBQ sauce?) and I hope she never moves to, say, Chattanooga. Because it's in HAMILTON COUNTY.
            Now a member of that alien race called Management.

            Yeah, you see that right. Pink. Harness.

            Comment


            • #7
              Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe most counties do contain more than one city....
              I don't go in for ancient wisdom
              I don't believe just 'cause ideas are tenacious
              It means that they're worthy - Tim Minchin, "White Wine in the Sun"

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth RetailWorkhorse View Post
                I really rather wish to eat this person (who's got the BBQ sauce?) and I hope she never moves to, say, Chattanooga. Because it's in HAMILTON COUNTY.
                or Utah would be worse... I can just see her getting upset that no one can figure out her address when she keeps saying she's in salt lake when she's really in Murray, or Sandy, or West Valley City (all are part of Salt Lake county so we still call ourselves Salt Lake because it's easier than in my case explaining where on Earth Millcreak is).
                If you wish to find meaning, listen to the music not the song

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth InsuranceGuru View Post
                  Me: Every large metropolitian area, save for DC has a county.
                  .
                  Nope. Baltimore, St. Louis and Carson City, NV are all independent cities not part of any county.

                  Growing up near Baltimore all my life, I actually assumed major cities were not part of any county. It wasn't until later in my life that I found out otherwise.

                  Strange but true!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    And Kansas City proper is over 2 (3?) counties - the Kansas City metro area spreads across 2 states and...maybe 7 (?) counties. I'm not sure. (Can you say urban sprawl? There are people who consider Leavenworth part of 'Kansas City'. )

                    If you don't know the geography it's: Leavenworth, Czekhoslavakia, Holland, Beirut, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon........then Kansas City, MO!! (+100 cool points if you get the reference)
                    "Even arms dealers need groceries." ~ Ziva David, NCIS

                    Tony: "Everyone's counting on you, just do what you do best."
                    Abby: "Dance?" ~ NCIS

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      oh man, i love to see people try that around here
                      because I live in Mesa, in the center of scottsdale, gilbert, chandler, and tempe, with phoenix about 45 minutes away in a county called maricopa.
                      And in what i believe is Pinal County but i may be wrong, there is a city... Called Maricopa

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