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The Penalty Box (Second Post)
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Old 06-13-2008, 04:20 AM
DarkCSR DarkCSR is offline
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Default The Penalty Box (Second Post)

Gang,

Second time in the tank. First one got some response... let's see if I can make this interesting. All of these calls were taken throughout the day.

How it got started:

The Penalty Box was one of the things that I invented (yes, I'm a hockey fan, can't you tell!) while at my previous job as a Senior (Truly a Rent-a-Supervisor). The joke started because while I was denying a credit on a Standard Call, the customer from Hawaii responded that I was a Rich Mainlander. "Yeah, that has nothing to do with why I'm denying you credit. It's because these charges are valid." After getting off the call, I relayed this information to the floor and requested that people make as many jokes about this moron as they could in 2 minutes.

Since then, the concept has evolved to any customer who is stupid, sucky, or I just want to make fun of. Right then... now that everyone understands the reference. We shall begin with three people that I want to make special mention of today:

1. Customer calls in wanting to buy a piece of software...

C: I'm a real estate agent and I need the <company> to do Blah.
R: So, I'll recommend <Product> Because by <Company> I assume you mean, <Product>
C: Yeah. But I have an order that I need a refund on.
R: So, what's the order number?
C: <Blah>
R: I can't pull that up. Do you know what the product is?
C: No. I can give ya a part number.
R: Part numbers don't work here.
C: Oh well it says here, <Product>
(Oh, you can read and actually tell me what the product is)
R: Well, let me get you to the returns department.

After attempting to transfer the customer, the Billing system crashes with the error message, "Communication Failure."

2 Minute Minor for being Stupid.

2. The Rude Customer

R: Thank you for calling Blah, my name is DarkCSR, how can I help you?
G: Well, you sound very rude. I'll talk to someone else. <click>

Right. Thank you for your surface only observation, Jackass. Nice to meet you too. You'd sound like this if you had to deal with needy pestering animals... I mean... valued customers all day. Forgive me if I don't sound enthusiastic EVERY DARN TIME I answer the phone, especially when I just got done serving another rude, annoying Jackass such as yourself. I don't think I sounded any different than when I normally answer the phone. I'm not a golden throated actor. I don't get happy to see you.

2 Minute Minor for being a Jackass.

3. The Really Stupid Customer

R: Thank you for calling <company> Sales, my name is Dark, how can I help you?
C: Hi, I'm looking for a NFR version of product, do you sell those?
R: (does double take) Uh, no we don't.
C: Would a reseller have the product?
R: Uh, no. You do realize what NFR stands for, right?
C: Not for resale?
R: (Trying not to laugh, as the customer apparantly isn't getting the hint that sales can't do NFR versions and neither can any reseller.) Okay. Erm, we do sell the retail version for <blah>
C: Okay, thanks. <click>

I don't think I need to add any commentary to this one... except to say, YEAH, there's a reason it's called NOT FOR RESALE.

5 Minute Major for egregious stupidity.

So, how'd I do?

  #2  
Old 06-13-2008, 05:54 AM
Crazeyal Crazeyal is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,105
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5 minute major for hilarity!

  #3  
Old 06-13-2008, 07:20 AM
mattm04 mattm04 is offline
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Location: Between Boston and NY
Posts: 2,702
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Quote:
Quoth DarkCSR View Post
You'd sound like this if you had to deal with needy pestering animals... I mean... valued customers all day. Forgive me if I don't sound enthusiastic EVERY DARN TIME I answer the phone, especially when I just got done serving another rude, annoying Jackass such as yourself.
I like the needy pestering animals line. When I answer the the phone I use my normal voice, not the super happy, bouncing off the wall type voice.

  #4  
Old 06-13-2008, 02:43 PM
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AdminAssistant AdminAssistant is offline
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Location: Kansas
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Quote:
Quoth DarkCSR View Post
I'm not a golden throated actor. I don't get happy to see you.
Acting experience comes in damn handy in retail. Everyone at the Maxx used to love to watch me give the "We're closing, get the hell out of the store" announcement - I could go from pissed to annoyingly pleasant phone voice (where you can just hear the sugar and sarcasm dripping) in .02 seconds.
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  #5  
Old 06-13-2008, 07:59 PM
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poisoned_flowers poisoned_flowers is offline
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Location: North Florida, the crotch of the USA
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Quote:
Quoth AdminAssistant View Post
Acting experience comes in damn handy in retail. Everyone at the Maxx used to love to watch me give the "We're closing, get the hell out of the store" announcement - I could go from pissed to annoyingly pleasant phone voice (where you can just hear the sugar and sarcasm dripping) in .02 seconds.
At one job I always got stuck with answering the phones cause I could fake interest the best. We had a lot of regular callers(every day or every other), and if for some reason I wasn't in "Super-sugary-happy-mode" when I answered, I would get one of two responses.
1. Usually from older women who were entering empty-nest syndrome with the kiddies off in college: "Oh dear, you sound tired! Are you ok to be working? Maybe your manager should send you home!"
Very annoying and got me picked on for the rest of the day by the others.
2. Mostly middle-aged business people with WAY too much self-importance: "Well! I don't think I like your tone of voice. I am too good a customer to be spoken to in that manner. I want to be transferred to your supervisor, IMMEDIATLY! <insert various examples of how they are the only person keeping company afloat with their business>

I eventually had to tell my manager that they were going to have to pay for my Prozac if they wanted me to do the phones any longer. I got switched out with others.
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