How to deal with bullies, Kink's Dad's way.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

My dad is a cantankerous old fart with a "special" sense of humor. He doesn't put up with idiots, he's tough as nails, and he's only five foot six so he's kind of got to know how to work with the hand he's been dealt.

We got on the subject of bullies the other night and he told me this story about when he was a young man that about made me wet my pants.

Some guys were giving him and another friend of his a lot of shit one day when my dad was in his late-teens/early twenties. Dad's not big, like I said, and back then he was very slim. And he was very, very pretty. So I guess he looked like an easy mark. Two things not readily apparent to a bully:

1. Dad's really, REALLY strong.
2. Dad's half crazy. Maybe more than half.

So this one guy grabs the back of my dad's leather jacket when dad ignored the taunts and catcalls. Dad bent his knees and pushed backwards, at the same time reaching over his head. The taller attacker predictably stumbled forward and Dad caught him by the collar and hair and pulled him over his head, flipping him onto his back on the ground in front of dad.

Dad put his boot on the guy's chest and simply walked over him and continued on his way.

The guys didn't follow him. I guess they figured it was safer not to.

This probably sounds a little nuts, but Dad's not given to telling tall tales. And frankly, it sounds like something he'd do. I mean, this is the same guy who shot a bee with a pistol and chased some teenagers down the street whipping them with a cat o nine tails. This story does not sound over the top, coming from him.

[Victory Sabre]

I like your dad, Kink.

[Ratha]

Your dad sounds awesome. XD

[Mishi]

Your dad is brilliant!

[Kanalah]

I love your dad, Kink.

Course it also explains why you're so awesome too.

[Dilorenzo]

Bee with a pistol? Bee with a pistol?

That's just too much awesome.

[dalesys]

...shot a bee with a pistol ...

I hope he was using a BB pistol.

[chrislb]

Sounds like fun times. Would have liked to hear about that teenager story though. Why did he whip them? I would have laughed my ass off seeing that.

[Marmalady]

Sounds like your dad and mine got separated at birth, Kink.

[Seshat]

Dad put his boot on the guy's chest and simply walked over him and continued on his way.

As long as you spread the pressure enough, you won't break the sternum or the ribcage. As long as you don't do either of those, you aren't going to do damage - not to a healthy chest. And if you break a rib or the sternum, you'll hear and feel it; so you can get help for the dude. I wouldn't step on an abdomen, however.

The apparent callousness of the action is probably what awed the bullies enough to make them leave your Dad alone. I like it.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I like your Dad, Kink.

Every time I stood up to the bullies who made my life a living hell from 3rd to 7th grade, the bully I stood up to-- usually by physically attacking them-- learned their lesson, to a degree.

TJ, my most frequent tormentor, got picked up and slammed backward into a wall, and he never bothered me again unless he had backup.

Josh P, my hated nemesis, got his head slammed into a gym locker, and again, only bugged me if he had backup or unless he had the advantage of distance-- like the time he prank-called my house.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Your dad and his story are full of win

My dad had similar issues. He grew up in the Bronx, was small and scrawny, and (from what I can tell) rather "pretty" himself. He didn't do anything physical to ingratiate himself with the knife-wielding bullies, though...he just used his wit, and it seemed to work for him. He knew it was either get them on your side or be tormented forever.

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Sounds like fun times. Would have liked to hear about that teenager story though. Why did he whip them? .

Here is the cat o nine tails story.

As for the bee, he was cleaning fish and a bumble bee was harassing him. He would clean off his hands and grab something to swat it or shoo it and it would disappear. As soon as he set back to work, it would return. Lather, rinse, repeat.

One of my great uncles was hanging out talking to him while this was going on. Finally, Dad went into the house, brought back a pistol, and when the bee came back, he picked up the pistol and shot it. It exploded in a puff of yellow pollen.

Cue flabbergasted uncle's mouth dropping open in stunned shock.

Uncle then commenced to telling everyone who would listen "how damned if Ells didn't soot a bumble bee with a pistol." I actually heard the story from HIM originally.

What he didn't know was that dad had loaded the pistol with some sort of light wadding or something. I don't remember what he used, it was a long time ago. But it was enough to blow a cone shaped concussion zone at the bee and explode it in mid air. So while it looked like he'd pulled off a million to one shot, all he had to do is aim in the general vicinity of the bee and let the blast zone do the rest.

Needless to say, he saw no need to share this info with my uncle.

I should also mention that my dad is very artistic, resourceful, and clever with coming up with sleight of hand. In fact, he used to work as a magician sometimes. So this ain't much of a stretch for him.

[Cookie]

I just laughed so hard my husband, who was about to get in the shower, just stopped what he was doing to see what was up.

[dragon_wings]

I just laughed at the bee and pistols story so hard I had to read it to my roomie. She then said 'you and your weird friends online.'