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  • Stop Clicking That!

    The non-IT person's guide to computer problems: Something I came up while observing my co-workers and talking with customers*.

    1.My computer is broken
    (translation: I clicked on something 15 times and it’s not responding)

    2. The computer doesn’t work
    (I clicked on the area next to the icon or function I need, instead of ON the icon or function)

    3. It’s doing something crazy!
    (I clicked on some weird combination of keys that can’t be duplicated and I have no idea what I did)

    4. It’s not supposed to do that!
    (I don’t actually know why it’s doing it, but I’m sure it’s wrong; or, it’s doing what I told it to do, not what I wanted it to do)

    5. It’s doing this wrong
    (the function is working the way it’s supposed to, but I don’t like it that way)

    6. Nope, can’t make it work, I give up!
    (I keep doing it the way I want to, instead of the way I was told to, and for some reason that doesn’t work!)


    *I am not a computer tech and will neither confirm nor deny doing any of these things myself
    When you start at zero, everything's progress.

  • #2
    There is a variation on #1 that I see a LOT
    I clicked on something that I KNEW was bogus, have been told many many times before that it was bogus AND now my computer is so full of malware and viruses that the HD just broke into little pieces.

    OH and NOW I can not access any of my files or programs and there is this picture on my screen with a vault and it says that ALL my files have been encrypted and I have to pay $1000 to (maybe) decrypt them.
    I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
    -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


    "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

    Comment


    • #3
      I've run into variations on #5 quite a lot. Working in application development it never fails that a client will request a function that does X. You code it to do X, they test it, sign off on it, and it goes into production. Then they try to make it do Y which they expected it to do all along but didn't explicitly state in their request. But instead of admitting that they failed to indicate that they wanted it to do X AND Y, it was instead coded wrong and it's a bug dang it!
      A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F.....

      Comment


      • #4
        Yep, the programmers are to blame because the DWIM (Do What I Mean) instruction wasn't implemented in hardware. On the other hand, lurking somewhere in the CPU's microcode are the "I'll do what I damn well want" instruction, and it's big brother FUIDWIDWW. Cookies for reference.
        Any fool can piss on the floor. It takes a talented SC to shit on the ceiling.

        Comment


        • #5
          For 1 and 2, could also translate to "something has changed slightly!!!1!" Meaning an icon is not in the same place, or something updated and looks a tiny bit different.

          A week or so ago we had a small update on our handheld scanners, and it messed with people. I'll admit for the first hour I was actually with them. They moved where the decimal point was, and I use that ALL THE TIME. So I kept hitting the spot it used to be... Anyway, nothing was broken, just changed very slightly.
          Replace anger management with stupidity management.

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth MoonCat View Post
            5. It’s doing this wrong
            (the function is working the way it’s supposed to, but I don’t like it that way)
            I get this one all the time. Even after I've shown the users how each module of the program I support works and explained why it does what it does. You see, it's not working exactly the same way their previous system worked, so clearly, it's wrong.

            In some cases, they've tried to tell me that the program's behavior actually produces an illegal result and cite some obscure law to "prove" it. Nope. Not illegal. Just doesn't meet your expectations and/or doesn't completely fulfill your obligations.

            Quoth MoonCat View Post
            6. Nope, can’t make it work, I give up!
            (I keep doing it the way I want to, instead of the way I was told to, and for some reason that doesn’t work!)
            And this is why one of my former co-workers is still stuck in her entry-level position, still getting "coached" on a nearly daily basis, and unable to keep up with her workload.
            Me: "Why are you still doing it <Old Way>? We changed that process months ago."
            Her: "I didn't understand the <New Way> trainings, so I'm just going to keep doing it <Old Way>."
            I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
            - Bill Watterson

            My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
            - IPF

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            • #7
              Her: "I didn't understand the <New Way> trainings, so I'm just going to keep doing it <Old Way>."
              Yep. I work with someone like that. Never mind that it DOESN'T WORK the old way anymore. She'd rather keep doing it and having it come out wrong, and then bitch that it doesn't work, then learn the new process. I don't get this, I really don't. I'm no tech...not even close...but when somebody tells me "use this new process", that's what I do.
              When you start at zero, everything's progress.

              Comment


              • #8
                Shirts -- Do ya think explaining what the term "illegal" means in programming terms, would cause their widdle heads to explode?
                "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth EricKei View Post
                  Shirts -- Do ya think explaining what the term "illegal" means in programming terms, would cause their widdle heads to explode?
                  Some of them, yes. I have one user who used to call me every time <Program> produced any message and ask me why it was giving her "all these errors." These were messages like, "Your password was successfully changed."
                  I suspect that... inside every adult (sometimes not very far inside) is a bratty kid who wants everything his own way.
                  - Bill Watterson

                  My co-workers: They're there when they need me.
                  - IPF

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth HawaiianShirts View Post
                    These were messages like, "Your password was successfully changed."
                    LUSER> "My password changed itself?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! BURN THE WITCH! My computer must be possessed by a d(a)emon! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"

                    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                    "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                    "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth MoonCat View Post
                      I'm no tech...not even close...but when somebody tells me "use this new process", that's what I do.
                      All too prevalent in every type of business, unfortunately.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth HawaiianShirts View Post
                        Her: "I didn't understand the <New Way> trainings, so I'm just going to keep doing it <Old Way>."
                        Translation: I'm too stupid and lazy to learn anything new, so I'll just go back to my original programming.
                        I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
                        My LiveJournal
                        A page we can all agree with!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth EricKei View Post
                          Shirts -- Do ya think explaining what the term "illegal" means in programming terms
                          Search for the word "illegal" at http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_paranoia.shtml .

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Quoth sms001 View Post
                            All too prevalent in every type of business, unfortunately.
                            Well, I meant that IT is not my job. I'm a salesperson. I have enough going on without having to learn IT from the ground up.

                            If someone trains me on what to do, and why it has to be done that way, I'm fine. It would be nice if once in a while they also listened to what I need to do my job, instead of designing things the way that's most convenient for them (they aren't the ones that have to actually USE the program).

                            What drives me crazy is when my co-workers, who had the same training that I did, can't seem to figure something out. Then they come running to me, as though I have some kind of magic IT want that will make everything all right. They could try reading the messages that are right on their screen - but they don't even try.

                            Like I said: I'm just one monkey who figured out a few more uses for the pointed stick than the rest of the group did.
                            When you start at zero, everything's progress.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I just keep reminding myself that the people who pull this stuff keep me employed...

                              A nice fat pile of green(ish) purchasing rectangles every two weeks is needed...

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