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Responses I can only THINK about saying....

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  • Responses I can only THINK about saying....

    These responses would probably cause me to fail a QA audit, so I can't say these things to customers.

    Without further adieu....

    1. When a customer tells me, "I decline the inside wiring protection, if it turns out to be an inside issue I'll do the wiring myself...."

    I'm thinking, "Yeah well to be honest I'm not trusting of your own handiwork. Oh, and our service plan does not cover improper installation damage so if you do the wiring yourself, screw something up and then try to get the service plan to get out of paying for it you're in for a rude awakening.

    *2. When a customer tells me, "You installed the jacks when you put the service in, if you are telling me that I need to pay to get them fixed or buy a service plan for them then I'm canceling my service...."

    I'm thinking, "Don't yell at us. Yell at Uncle Sam for including a rider in the Telecom Act in the 1990's that made the homeowner responsible for inside wiring the moment it gets installed. Don't like it? Get the service plan. "

    *3. When a customer tells me, "You mean to tell me that even though my modem is 4 years old and long out of warranty, that I have to pay for a modem when I'm paying you for service? This is bullshit! I want to cancel! !!!eleventy!!!!"

    I'm thinking, "Bring your out-of-warranty car to the dealer for repairs and tell the service lead that because you're still making loan payments you should not be charged for the service. See how far that will get you."

    And yes, I actually knew someone that tried that on his dealer. He didn't get very far though.

    **4. When a customer tells us, "I just got an email saying that even through we know there is a slow speed problem in your area we are not going to upgrade there because it would be cost prohibitive to do so! You suck, all you care about is profits and bla bla bla!"

    We are thinking, "Put yourself in our shoes. Would you spend many thousands of dollars adding new capacity to an area that only has 1,000 people which around half probably don't even own a computer, or spend the same amount of money and upgrade an area that has 10,000 people? If you don't like it and now got confirmation that we are never going to upgrade your bumblef*ck middle-of-nowhere town, move if you want decent internet."

    *When a customer plays the I want to cancel card, we have to transfer him/her to retention, where 90% of the time they just cave anyway.
    ** A co-worker who works the online chat got this one. He really didn't know what to say (type?) to the guy.

  • #2
    Quoth sld72382 View Post
    *3. When a customer tells me, "You mean to tell me that even though my modem is 4 years old and long out of warranty, that I have to pay for a modem when I'm paying you for service? This is bullshit! I want to cancel! !!!eleventy!!!!"

    I'm thinking, "Bring your out-of-warranty car to the dealer for repairs and tell the service lead that because you're still making loan payments you should not be charged for the service. See how far that will get you."

    And yes, I actually knew someone that tried that on his dealer. He didn't get very far though.
    To be fair I can see the complaint if they are out of contract and a new customer would get a new modem. Not sure what it's like over at your neck of the woods but over in the uk I suggest people cancel and take another supplier if possible if they refuse to supply working equipment (The only cable company "rents" equipment).

    On the other hand most people I know don't use the supplied equipment anyway.

    As for responses I can only think about -

    "But my user account is no use without <insert 1 or more highly restricted privilege specifically disallowed to all but admins>"

    Me: "OK" - drop user USERNAME cascade;

    Not y3k compatible

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    • #3
      Quoth sld72382 View Post
      **4. When a customer tells us, "I just got an email saying that even through we know there is a slow speed problem in your area we are not going to upgrade there because it would be cost prohibitive to do so! You suck, all you care about is profits and bla bla bla!"

      We are thinking, "Put yourself in our shoes. Would you spend many thousands of dollars adding new capacity to an area that only has 1,000 people which around half probably don't even own a computer, or spend the same amount of money and upgrade an area that has 10,000 people? If you don't like it and now got confirmation that we are never going to upgrade your bumblef*ck middle-of-nowhere town, move if you want decent internet."
      Hmm... maybe I'm just jaded on this one, and maybe it's a "first world problem", but I think it's a fairly valid complaint. I live in an area that has ZERO cable service, satellite is it. So DSL is my only option. I know where the DSLAM is, and actually got more than just marketing speak the last time I had a tech out. I'm stuck at 6 MBit... well, pretty much until hell freezes over since the I'm juuuuuuust on the outer edge of the service area. Or TimeWarner decides to run cable out my way. Which is sad, as there's a big push for 25 MBit in the area.

      The house was still being built at the time we purchased it, and there's really no easy way to locate what service is available when an area is that "new". So from my perspective it's indeed cheaper to spend a smaller amount upgrading infrastructure vs me having to try and sell a house and relocate because I don't like my internet speeds .
      But the paint on me is beginning to dry
      And it's not what I wanted to be
      The weight on me
      Is Hanging on to a weary angel - Sister Hazel

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      • #4
        Personally, I will always decline the inside wire care plan.

        But then, I have been on the other end of what the OP supports for a couple of decades, so I know not only what to do, but what the inside lingo is.

        sld, my sympathies. Just try to resist taking out the hammer to either your phone or the idiot on the other end of the line.

        It is tempting though.....

        B
        "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."- Albert Einstein.
        I never knew how happy paint could make people until I started selling it.

        Comment


        • #5
          Quoth Amadan View Post
          To be fair I can see the complaint if they are out of contract and a new customer would get a new modem. Not sure what it's like over at your neck of the woods but over in the uk I suggest people cancel and take another supplier if possible if they refuse to supply working equipment (The only cable company "rents" equipment).

          On the other hand most people I know don't use the supplied equipment anyway
          Not even our new customers get free modems. They have to buy them.* Unless they have one that works with our service.

          *Unless they pull the "I want to cancel" card and retention sends them out a free one anyway.

          Comment


          • #6
            When a customer yells and threatens to close their account over something stupid, and they somehow think that no other bank would ever charge them a late fee or interest on a cash advance, I just want to say, "I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors."
            Thank you for calling Card Services, how may I take your abuse today? ~Headset Hellion

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