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You shall not pass.
  #1  
Old 10-31-2013, 04:33 AM
Signmaker Signmaker is offline
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Default You shall not pass.

Scene: 3rd shift convenience store, round 3am
Me: Your plucky hero
Zombie Man: Out of luck

Our store makes us lock the doors after midnight, and serve customers through a little pass through window. This means I have to fetch items, make their coffee, and bathrooms are off limits. Usually not bad, since we have very few customers overnight anyway.

As I'm doing my thing inside the store, I hear a rat-rat-rattling upon my door. Not weird, people are great at missing the sign I have taped to the door, explaining they have to use the window just to their left. I walk past the door on my way behind the counter, and gesture to the person to come to the window.

The man continues rattling the door, and occasionally peers in through the glass at the dimly-lit shopping floor. Eventually I return to the door, and shout through it to use the window to their left. This gets a breif pause in the rattling, as if he was slowly comprehending what was going on here. Somewhere in the rotten quagmire of his brain, however, my message came to a screetching halt, as he resumed trying to shake the locked door open. No gesturing, pointing, or verbal commands were diverting him from his quest to come in through the door.

So, despite corporate "rules" to the contrary, I unlocked and opened the door, thinking maybe there was some logical explaination for their fevered desire to enter. Accident, drug overdose, medical emergency, etc. As soon as the barricade in front of him opened, he made a purposeful lunge forward to clear the threshold. Tragically, this only resulted in him meeting me chest to chest. His path still barred.

Now I am not a small person, taking up six feet and 290 pounds of "nope". Yet somehow his much smaller, much lighter, much weaker frame insisted that it could make the dream of entry a reality.

Me: Can I help you?
ZM: *mumble*
Me: Im sorry, you cant come inside.
ZM: *mumble groan mumble*

At this point, I brought my hand between us, and placed it firmly on his chest. Something must have still held a pulse, deep in his rotted, fetid brain, for he stopped trying to push past me. However, he did not retreat, merely stood his ground, shoulder planted in my chest. It was like his last three functioning brain cells were giving their last sparks of life to fire off a warning of what was about to happen. To my amazement, they must have gotten through, communicated by his eyes getting wide as my fingers grasped a handful of his shirt.

After several minutes of "forward, forward, damn the torpedos, full steam ahead!", he organized a retreat. Too late, sadly, as I now had a good grip of him, and quickly turned his backwards stumbling into a full stop, lifting up on his shirt so it was just under his chin.

Me: What do you want?
ZM: Uh...I gotta use the bathroom.
Me: We're closed. If you're not out of my parking lot in two minutes, the [local municipality] Police will be here in less than one. Goodbye.

I let go, swung the door shut, and locked it. Quickly retreating into the store, I watched him from my ninja-squirrel hiding place, where I couldnt be seen by him. He shambled his way out of the parking lot, and off into the misty night, to be someone elses undead problem.

  #2  
Old 10-31-2013, 05:19 PM
frostbitte frostbitte is offline
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I would've just let him rattle the doors and laugh. If it were an emergency, he'd scream for it and you could dial 911.

  #3  
Old 11-04-2013, 07:46 AM
Gilhelmi Gilhelmi is offline
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Quote:
Quoth frostbitte View Post
I would've just let him rattle the doors and laugh. If it were an emergency, he'd scream for it and you could dial 911.
I would have to agree. That situation sounded like a set-up for a robbery, gambling that if they rattled the door enough, you would eventually answer.

  #4  
Old 11-04-2013, 05:58 PM
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taxguykarl taxguykarl is offline
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I would have the same sense as Gilhelmi. This stinks of a less-than-thoughout robbery attempt.
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  #5  
Old 11-04-2013, 07:06 PM
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Seshat Seshat is offline
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I think you shouldn't have opened the door - much the same reason. Potential robbery-with-violence attempt.

I'm sure that a medical emergency (or other emergencies) can be at least explained through the window. You can hear them, you can call emergency... Note that even an apparent 'rape victim/mugging victim/etc' can be a setup for a crime.

You have to balance compassion and personal safety. And while your sheer size increases personal safety vs the unarmed; your six feet of 'nope' may not match up to .44 caliber of 'yup'.
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  #6  
Old 11-06-2013, 11:14 PM
Signmaker Signmaker is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Gilhelmi View Post
I would have to agree. That situation sounded like a set-up for a robbery, gambling that if they rattled the door enough, you would eventually answer.
This is very good point, and it's good defensive mindset not to open doors to suspicious people in the middle of the night.

However, his hands were visible, his clothing wouldnt have concealed more than a butter knife, and the way my store is laid out, it would be impossible for any friends to 'jump from around the corner'.

Though it does bring up a fun conversation I got to have with our DM over the doors-locked policy. Corporate claims it's to prevent a robbery. I inquired of DM what the corporate reaction is supposed to be if someone pulls a gun and demands entry. He responded with a scoffing "Well dont let them in!". And then I pointed out that none of the glass in the front of the store was bullet proof, bullet resistant, or in any way, shape, or form suited to even slowing down a 1400 feet per second projectile.

"Oh...uh...well I guess use your best judgement then."


  #7  
Old 11-03-2013, 01:53 PM
downforit2008 downforit2008 is offline
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Wow! This could be a preview of one of those zombie-dead movies!!!

  #8  
Old 11-03-2013, 04:59 PM
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Jester Jester is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Signmaker View Post
Now I am not a small person, taking up six feet and 290 pounds of "nope".
This just made me laugh. Great line! I will use variations of it in the future when describing local bouncers.
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  #9  
Old 11-03-2013, 09:48 PM
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Jay 2K Winger Jay 2K Winger is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Jester View Post
This just made me laugh. Great line! I will use variations of it in the future when describing local bouncers.
Seconded! I'm going to have to find a use for that turn of phrase at some point.
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  #10  
Old 11-05-2013, 01:10 PM
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I think from now on, when meeting my nieces' boyfriends, I might point out to them that I am only 5'8", only 160 lbs, but as far as they are concerned, I am 500 pounds of psychotic "nope."
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