Go Back   Customers Suck! > Community > Jokes

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes

  #41  
Old 10-31-2007, 06:45 AM
Crosshair's Avatar
Crosshair Crosshair is offline
Cable Rat
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: North Dakota, USA
Posts: 562
Default

Quote:
Quoth Broomjockey View Post
Pfft. Soap? Talk about adding an unnecessary extra step! You just use the extra shampoo foam after you've lathered your hair!
+1 That's what I do.
__________________
"Magic sometimes sounds like tape." - The Amazing Johnathan

  #42  
Old 11-08-2007, 07:10 AM
JuniorMintz's Avatar
JuniorMintz JuniorMintz is offline
Optical Prime
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: CA
Posts: 342
Default

JAM's Boring Ass Shower Routine (The Solo Version)


Let water heat up while I brush my teeth.

Jump in, adjust the temperature some more. (I'm picky)

Wash hair

Wash body

Rinse hair

Condition

Shave legs/armpits/fun zone as needed

Rinse

Hang up wet towels

Comb hair

Moisturize

Dump dirty laundry into hamper

Bed

See, told you it was boring.
__________________
"This is the first time I've seen you look ugly, and that makes me happy!"

  #43  
Old 11-21-2007, 07:57 PM
counterjockey's Avatar
counterjockey counterjockey is offline
Should Be Drinking Tea Instead
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: IA USA
Posts: 99
Default

Roll into self-service bay. Check that all windows are up and tight. Shut off engine and lights, as applicable.

Insert quarters. Usually $0.50-.75 more than required to allow extra time for rinsing. Unhook hose and nozzle from receptacle on side of bay.

Set dial to "Soap." Spray roof, glass, hood and decklid, side panels, front, back, into wheelwells. Occasionally spray (low pressure) under engine compartment such as to clean oil and transmission pans. (Esp. in road salt season.)

Put hose and nozzle back in receptacle and grab foaming brush. Set dial to "Brush." Apply soap in circular pattern along bumpers & trim, lower halves of doors, rocker panels, wheels, and any spots of bird shit missed by first soak.

Insert more quarters. Set brush next to holder, remove hose, and set to "Rinse." Spray off brush because no one else seems to clean the grimy damn thing. Put brush back, make sure hose is spraying just water and not soap. Rinse soapy water off of roof, glass, hood, decklid, and sides. Spray inside of wheelwells, tires, and grille, head and tail lights, front and rear bumpers. Spend a little extra time with high pressure setting getting bugs off of license plate.

Replace hose, open garage door if applicable, drive car out of bay. Remove wrappers and other fast-food detritus into trash cans by vacuum stand, vacuum if necessary, and if any quarters remain.

Find stretch of highway, accelerate to cruising speed. Make sure no county mounties, local yokels, smokies, or other law enforcement is close by.

Tromp the gas, hit 100 mph a time or two, and hope that by this point most of the car has been air-dried. Hope that you haven't been seen and reported to sheriff's dept. or Iowa State Patrol.

Oh, what, like I'd tell you what I do in the shower.
__________________
"Love keeps her in the air when she ought fall down, let's you know she's hurting 'fore she keens...makes her a home."

  #44  
Old 11-22-2007, 10:42 AM
edible_hat edible_hat is offline
Customer
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Radelaide.
Posts: 2,154
Default

Quote:
Quoth counterjockey View Post
Spray off brush because no one else seems to clean the grimy damn thing.
I love it when people clean the car wash when they're done. And I hate it when they manage to get grease all over the hoses, because the next person to use it gets grease all over their car before they notice and they throw a hissey fit.

  #45  
Old 11-22-2007, 11:24 PM
Saydrah's Avatar
Saydrah Saydrah is offline
Store Manager
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 629
Default

Bandwagon Person Extraordinaire reporting for duty....

Saydrah's shower routine:

Avoid showering for as many days as possible because hair lady says color will last longer if washed less and hair is healthier the less it is washed, and the longer color lasts the longer one can avoid paying $100 to have it redone.

Finally reconcile self to fact that hair is coated in enough grease to cook a batch of french fries and decide to shower.

Go stare at self in mirror for several minutes. Space out completely. This has always been a trait of mine- mirrors hypnotize me, not because I'm just that gorgeous, but... they just do. If I look at a mirror long enough, I'm off in imaginationland until a lous noise startles me.

Wake out of trance and wander into living room/roommate's de facto bedroom.

Ask whichever man is sitting on the couch playing video games if he wants to shower with me.

Invitation inevitably declined because A) this is the boss fight B) he just got to level 2,000 in survival mode C) he showered earlier D) he knows I turn the water on too hot for him

Grump about lazy men who'd rather play video games than see their lady in the nude.

Conveniently forget that I sleep naked and regularly forget to dress for breakfast, so it's all old news.

Lock self in bathroom and toss clothes in a pile on the floor.

Grump about lazy men who have not cleaned the toilet yet when I told them to do so two days ago.

Notice bathroom trash has been overturned by kittens AGAIN.

Write ANOTHER note on the door of the bathroom to the effect that the next person who leaves the bathroom door open long enough for kittens/rats/dog to get in the trash will be drawn and quartered.

Note ignored like the last 10,000 similar notes.

Grab booty, crane neck over shoulder and observe whiteness of booty, make mental note to put tanning lotion on legs and booty one of these days.

Squeeze boobs and ponder whether or not the left one is just a smidge larger.

Tiptoe into shower and do the COLD TUB COLD TUB dance.

Turn water on hot enough to make me look like a freshly cooked lobster.

Zone out under hot water for at least 10 minutes of pure bliss.

Wash hair with dime-sized amount of very expensive shampoo that hairstylist talked me into.

Rinse thoroughly, dismayed at the amount of hair shed in the process.

Stick head out of shower, towel dry hair because hairstylist says this is the way one should do things because conditioner works better on dryish hair.

Slather cheap conditioner in hair.

Shave armpits, rub legs and shave if necessary.

Contemplate shaving bikini area- decide against it on grounds of itchiness.

Wash with bath pouf and froofy exfoliating body wash with sea salt.

Still don't feel clean, wash with a regular bar of soap.

That's better.

Rinse body and hair, again dismayed at the rate of shedding hair.

Dry off with hopefully somewhat clean towel.

Put on socks because in a house with over 20 pets it is not always safe or smart to be barefoot.

Prance about in the nude save for socks and yell at whichever male is STILL on the couch to help me find my pajamas.

Find pajamas in the dresser where they belong- whyever would I look there?

Wear pajamas until retiring to bed, at which point pajamas are removed and set out for the next time I need clothes to cover the time in between removing day clothes and removing all clothes for bed.

Nudge whichever kitten INSISTS on licking my wet hair off my face.

ZZZZ.
__________________
My basic dog food advice - send a pm if you need more.

Saydrah's leaving the nest advice + packing list live here.

  #46  
Old 12-04-2007, 04:01 PM
Cherry Blossom Cherry Blossom is offline
Bagger
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6
Default

Quote:
Quoth Kara_CS View Post
Ooh, you have bra pixies. They like to move it around after you put it in your usual place to wait to be equipped again.

You have it lucky though. My SO and I have two sets of bra pixies to deal with.
I have a lot of pixies. Sock pixies, money pixies, memory pixies, etc. Memory pixies are the worst. But they don't just move it. They steal it altogether.
Closed Thread

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:36 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.