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Blonde Moments (Blonde Jokes)
Old 05-20-2007, 02:40 PM
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Kara Kara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
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Default Blonde Moments (Blonde Jokes)

Oh, admit it. You love them. These were sent to me at work yesterday by my SO (she's blonde, so it's okay).

Blonde LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking..... ... And
one blonde says to the other, "Which do You think is farther
away........ ..Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can You see
Florida ...?????"


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it
to you!"


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another
blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the
other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.

"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled
the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are
in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO. .....," answered the blond. "They're Watch dogs!"
"You are loved" - Plaidman.

Old 05-20-2007, 03:58 PM
DrugstoreJulie DrugstoreJulie is offline
Slaveworker in the soapmines
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Germany
Posts: 34

Quoth Kara_CS View Post
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it
to you!"
Was that Paris Hilton possibly?

Blond Moments.............................
Old 05-22-2007, 03:35 AM
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Professional Serf Professional Serf is offline
99% Bonobo, 1% trouble
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: The Basilica of St. Apathy
Posts: 45
Default Blond Moments.............................

A blond woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blond.

The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blond officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.
Shut up and jump.

Last edited by Professional Serf; 05-22-2007 at 03:48 PM.

Old 05-22-2007, 11:35 AM
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Princess-Snake Princess-Snake is offline
The Royal Viper
Join Date: May 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 245

A blonde tries to go to work by rowing a boat in the middle of the street. Another blonde stops her car and yells at the first one. "You know, it's people like you that give us blondes a bad name. And if I could swim, I'd go over there and give you a piece of my mind!"
"But I don't want to be among mad people."
You can't help that. We're all mad here. Every fucking one of us.

Old 06-20-2007, 02:32 AM
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Will-Mun Will-Mun is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Noo Joisee
Posts: 179

So a trucker is driving down the highway, he is suddenly cut off by a blond in a red sports car, he almost crashes. So he pulls up along side the car, and pulls her over. He gets out of the truck witha pirce of chalk, he pulls the woman out of her car, brings her about ten feet away and draws a circle around her.

"If you move out of that circle I will kill you." He says, and then procedes to key the side of her sports car. He turns and the blond has a big grin on her face.

"Oh you think thats funny?!" He asks, and goes back to his truck, he brings back a knife, and begins to slash the leather interior, and cuts large chunks into the dashboard. When he turns, the blond is now giggleing...

"Oh you're asking for it!" He exclaims, and again returns to his truck, he returns with a bat, and smashes the the car's winshield, all the windows, and the headlights before severely denting the exterior. He turns with a huff, and the blond is on her knees laughing...

"What the hell is so god damn funny!?" He screams. The blong breaks out through laughter.

"HA HA! I stepped out of.... HA HA... the circle! HA HA Every time you turned around!"

"How bloody difficult is it to take care of a DVD?"
~Me after any time I look at the back of a disc~

Old 06-29-2007, 01:51 AM
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Kara Kara is offline
From the ashes, born anew...
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 934

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The woman replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend here is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend over there is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still wantto tell me that blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."
"You are loved" - Plaidman.

Old 07-28-2007, 12:01 PM
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Ree Ree is offline
Lunatic posing as normal!
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: My own little corner of insanity
Posts: 5,608

Bob sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."

The blond replied, "I saw it too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money......
Too tired of living and too tired to end it. What a conundrum.

Blonde Paramedics...
Old 08-01-2007, 03:29 AM
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Jack T. Chance Jack T. Chance is offline
Knows where his towel is!
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: The Entitlement Whore Capital of the World™!
Posts: 251
Talking Blonde Paramedics...

My favorite blond joke is a visual joke in the form of a picture a friend sent me some time ago.

It's called Blond Paramedics and it speaks for itself!

"Eventually one outgrows the fairy tales of childhood, belief in Santa and the Easter Bunny, and believing that SCs are even capable of imagining themselves in our position."

Old 08-01-2007, 04:13 AM
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Aldous Aldous is offline
Keeper of The Great Old Ones
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Anywhere the Wind Blows
Posts: 278

A ventriliquist went into a bar looking for a job. He was going to do his act that night, and he got all of his stuff ready. During the show, he told mostly blonde jokes. During the middle of the show, a blonde woman got up and walked onto the stage yelling
"Look, those are slanderous. It's because of people like you that my family, friends, and everyone else thinks I'm an idiot. You better not tell anymore."
The Ventriliquist apologized, and said he wouldn't tell anymore. The blonde yelled at him "Don't interrupt me, I was talking to that little fucker on your lap!"
It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
~~~H.L. Mencken
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