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  #11  
Old 01-16-2008, 07:47 PM
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Irving Patrick Freleigh Irving Patrick Freleigh is offline
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Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, to the point where his feet became quite thick and hard.

He was also a very spiritual person. Even though he was not on a hunger strike, he didn't eat much and became quite thin and frail.

Furthermore, due to his diet, he had very bad breath. He tried many different ways to get rid of his bad breath, but was never able to cure it.

Therefore, Mahatma Ghandi came to be known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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  #12  
Old 02-04-2008, 07:11 PM
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draftermatt draftermatt is offline
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This to me should be the king of the groaners. I will not post it as it is extremley long, but if you are interested:

http://www.ubersite.com/m/114659

Please note that there are other "stories" on that site that are NSFW, but the link itself is clean.

  #13  
Old 02-07-2008, 05:35 AM
hecubus hecubus is offline
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Quote:
Quoth draftermatt View Post
This to me should be the king of the groaners. I will not post it as it is extremley long, but if you are interested:

http://www.ubersite.com/m/114659

Please note that there are other "stories" on that site that are NSFW, but the link itself is clean.
Very nice. A perfect shaggy dog story!

  #14  
Old 02-18-2008, 02:45 AM
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Two television antennas met, fell in love, and got married.

The wedding was quite dull, the the reception was great!
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  #15  
Old 02-19-2008, 07:57 PM
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Cyphr Cyphr is offline
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Quote:
Quoth draftermatt View Post
This to me should be the king of the groaners. I will not post it as it is extremley long, but if you are interested:

http://www.ubersite.com/m/114659

Please note that there are other "stories" on that site that are NSFW, but the link itself is clean.
ughh i cant read that much text at once unless its on paper between pieces of thicker paper making a book...

  #16  
Old 02-20-2008, 04:19 AM
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Bobby Fisher goes to stay at a hotel. In the lobby as he's waiting to check in, he runs into a fellow chess champ. They begin sharing stories of tournaments past, and find themselves forgetting to check into their rooms and instead talking late into the night. They become very animated, bragging loudly about their respective victories.

Finally, the hotel manager walks over and demands that both get out immediately. Bobby Fisher, irate, asks why he is being forced to leave the hotel. The manager responds, "I can't STAND chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!"
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  #17  
Old 02-20-2008, 08:46 AM
Damien Damien is offline
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what did the police officer say to the heart?

You're under a vest

  #18  
Old 03-07-2008, 05:23 AM
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There was a small kingdom who lived peacefully - until one day an evil monster, the medacrin arrived.

The medacrin, being an evil monster, lurked in the woods outside the castle gate and ate all who left the kingdom.

The King dispatched his bravest knight to dispatch the medacrin. But the medacrin was too strong and ate him.

The King dispatched his whole royal guard to defeat the medacrin, but the medacrin was too fast and too powerful and ate them all.

Desperate to defeat the medacrin, the King went searching for volunteers to fight. All of his citizens turned him down, save one - the town loon.

The King addressed the loon: "Brave Sir, what will you require to defeat this evil monster?" To which the loon replied "A bag of sugar."

The King obliged, and the loon quickly ate the bag and sprinted out the castle gate. The medacrin chased the loon, but the loon was so hyped up on sugar that the monster could not catch him. The monster chased the loon for hours before finally dying of exhaustion.

The loon returned to a hero's welcome. The King inquired "How did you know your plan would work?"

The loon replied "Didn't you know? A loon full of sugar helps the medacrin go down."
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  #19  
Old 03-07-2008, 09:54 AM
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The next kingdom over was affected by a terrible plague. The cure was only known to the Wise Woman of Wort's Wood.

Unfortunately Wort's Wood was also home to the Yellow Fingers, a carnivorous plant which had a large underground portion. When it detected it's pray (preferably knights, but any large-ish mammal would do) it would send tendrils up through the surface of the earth, ensare the hapless knight and drag him down into the ground to be digested by the main part of the plant.

Nevertheless, the king had to send somebody to find the Wise Woman of Wort's Wood to get the cure.

Off went Sir Loin of Beef into the forest.

A week later, having not heard from Sir Loin of Beef, the king sent in Sir Osis of Liver.

A week after that, having heard from neither Sir Loin of Beef or Sir Osis of Liver, the King sent in the military leader Sir John (he's a general you know, the Sir John General).

A week later the rest of the knights had gone into hiding. A young page volunteered to enter Wort's Wood, fight the Yellow Fingers, find the Wise Woman, get the cure, and return.

A week later the page returned with the cure. The king asked "How did you do it?"

"Well Your Majesty, you should let your pages do the walking through the Yellow Fingers."

  #20  
Old 03-17-2008, 04:26 AM
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Quote:
Quoth hecubus View Post
Very nice. A perfect shaggy dog story!
You mean other people know that nightmare?

I will never forgive my friends for telling me that "joke". Though I WAS able to take solace in the fact that we were in the same Tae Kwan Do studio so I got the chance to hit them (repeatedly!) for that offense
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