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  #21  
Old 11-18-2008, 11:13 PM
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Q. What's long, green and tap dances?
A. Fred Asparagus

Q. What do you get when your parrot swallows a stopwatch?
A. Politics

Q. What do you get when your dog swallows a clock?
A. A watch dog

Q. What did one casket say to the other?
A. Is that you, coffin?


Melon 1: Honeydew you love me?
Melon 2: Yes I do, but we canteloupe now.

*cue booing*
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  #22  
Old 11-18-2008, 11:27 PM
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What's big and red and eats rocks?

A big red rock eater.

What's big and red and eats sand?

A big red rock eater on a diet.

  #23  
Old 11-20-2008, 03:45 AM
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This... my cousin told me years ago.

Knock knock

Who's there?

26

26 who?

27


At this point, you should be cracking up like him and I are.

Yes... no sense.
Nonetheless... classic in our household.

  #24  
Old 11-20-2008, 07:26 AM
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What's green, got 6 pockets, 4 legs and very dangerous if it jumps out of a tree at you?

A Snooker Table
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  #25  
Old 11-21-2008, 09:44 PM
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Didn't know if i should put this in dumb jokes or the longest joke cause its both

A world-renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps is
walking down the high street one day when he spots an advert
in his local record shop for "Wasp Sounds from around the Globe".

On further enquiry he discovers that a vinyl recording of this
subject has just been released and a few copies are available in
store there and then. Naturally, being a world-renowned expert
in the sounds of European wasps he is curious and asks the
young chap behind the counter if he can have a listen to "Wasp
Sounds from around the Globe".

A few seconds later the world-renowned expert in the sounds of
European wasps is standing at one of those little sound stations
with his headphones on and a puzzled expression on his face. He
removes the headphones, walks back to the counter and catches
the young sales person’s attention.

"Excuse me" he says, "I'm a world-renowned expert in the
sounds of European wasps and I've just been listening to "Wasp
Sounds from around the Globe", and I must say, there appears to
be some mistake. Those are no wasp sounds with which I am
familiar."

The young man dutifully checks the recording in question and
assures the world-renowned expert in the sounds of European
wasps that he is indeed listening to "Wasp Sounds from around
the Globe".

Puzzled, the world-renowned expert in the sounds of European
wasps returns to the headphones and once again begins to
listen. After a few seconds he once again returns to the counter
and accosts the young fellow there. "Excuse me" he says, "As I
mentioned before, I am a world-renowned expert in the sounds
of European wasps and I've just been listening to "Wasp Sounds
from around the Globe" and I have to say again, those are no
wasp sounds with which I am familiar. Are you certain I have
been listening to the correct recording?

Slightly exasperated by now, the young man checks the disc
currently playing and with a slightly sheepish grin confesses:
"Oops, sorry Sir, I seem to have played you the Bee side".
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  #26  
Old 11-22-2008, 08:25 AM
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Quote:
Quoth Munkie View Post

Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because the chicken retired, duh.
(alt. Cause he was stapled to the chicken.)
I heard one simular when I was 6 and thought it was the funniest most original joke.

Why did the cow cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
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  #27  
Old 11-22-2008, 04:27 PM
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?



To get to the other slide.
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  #28  
Old 11-23-2008, 06:27 AM
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A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop." (think about it...keep thinking...)

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named 'Barry'?"

And now for a longer one...

A duck walks into a bar, hops up on a barstool and says, "Gimme a Bud Light."
The bartender stares at him for a second and says, "Hey, you're a talking duck!"
The duck says, "Yes. My beer?"
The bartender hands him his beer and continues to stare at him. After a minute, he says, "Forgive me for asking, but what are you doing here?"
The duck says, "I work at the construction site across the street."
The bartender thinks for a second and says, "Well, as a talking duck, you should really be working for the circus."
The duck says, "What would the circus want with a bricklayer?"

Thank you! Tip your server!
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  #29  
Old 11-23-2008, 01:03 PM
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In high school, I had a girl in my Home Economics calss who used to crack us up with her jokes.

She was Welsh, so she had an accent, and I think that added to the comedy, because it was just the way she told the joke.

One day, I was afraid my whole group was going to get kicked out of class for the day and sent to the principal because she told us the stupidest joke I ever heard, but we all cracked up laughing and couldn't get it under control.

To this day, when I think about it, I still laugh.

A little boy got sent to the store by his Mum.
He walked up to the grocer and said, "I would like a loaf of blue bread, please."
The grocer said, "We don't sell blue bread here."
The little boy said, "Oh, well in that case, may I have a loaf of blue bread."
The grocer said, "I just told you, we don't sell blue bread."
The little boy said, "I will just take a loaf of blue bread, then."
The grocer got furious and yelled at the little boy, "Get out of my store and don't ever come back. For the last time, WE DO NOT SELL BLUE BREAD HERE!"
The little boy said, "Oh, well, then. That's OK. I don't have my bike anyway."
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  #30  
Old 11-23-2008, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Ree View Post
To this day, when I think about it, I still laugh.
That joke worked the way all terrible jokes are supposed to. I read it. I thought about it. I didn't get it. Then I got it, groaned, and laughed.
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