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Celebrity Jokes.
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Old 07-02-2009, 06:15 AM
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Jester Jester is offline
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Default Celebrity Jokes.

I know what you're thinking. "Jester, don't do it....they have a rule about not posting Michael Jackson jokes!" Why yes, yes they do. And I have a ton of Michael Jackson jokes.

And this is NOT where you are going to see them.

But as I've been cleaning my place in preparation for Nurse Betty's visit, I came across some scribblings of mine from last summer's Olympics. These are jokes I thought of that are not making fun of anyone who's dead, who are not even making fun of anyone at all. So I shall post them here for my own amusement, and hopefully yours, and I encourage y'all to chime in with any jokes you may have of LIVING celebrities, fun jokes, nothing mean and nasty--unless it really is funny.

Now in my case, the scribbling I found were done at work after we had witnessed the unbelievable speed of Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter. This dude is not just fast....he is blindingly fast. Usually when runners set records, the guy who comes in second is really close behind him. Bolt was so far ahead of the second place guy he sometimes looked like he was coasting at the end. Sprinters. Don't. Coast. Yeah, this guy's fast.

So, here are my Usain Bolt jokes.


How Fast is Usain Bolt?


He's so fast, Michael Phelps thinks he's fast!

He's so fast, the cheetahs in the stands were impressed!

He's so fast, NASCAR fined him for cheating!

He's so fast, the NHRA (National Hot Rod Association) wants him to compete....as both a driver and a car!

He's so fast, when he was playing football he ran back a kickoff for a touchdown before it was even kicked off!

He's so fast, the car Greased Lightning from the movie "Grease" was floored!

He's so fast that K.I.T.T. (the car from Knight Rider) couldn't keep up...even with turbo boost!

He's so fast, he replaced Sonic the Hedgehog in Sonic's own game!

He's so fast, he lapped himself!

He didn't break the sound barrier....he shattered it!

Chuck Yeager said, "What the hell was that!?!?"

Usain Bolt does NOT run like a gazelle....gazelles run like him!

He's so fast, he got a ticket on the Autobahn....without a car!

He's faster than a guy fleeing commitment!

He runs faster than Tara Reid can spread her legs!

He's faster than Britney Spears breaking out of rehab!

He runs faster than Florida can fuck up an election!
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  #2  
Old 07-02-2009, 06:53 AM
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Good lord, I found more scribblings about Usain Bolt.

Because, as you know, he can run faster than Janet Jackson's bra can have a wardrobe malfunction.

He moves faster than J. Lo can destroy a movie. That's impressive!

Hell, he has more speed than a cocaine dealer!
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  #3  
Old 07-02-2009, 08:16 AM
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Quote:
Quoth Jester View Post
Bolt was so far ahead of the second place guy he sometimes looked like he was coasting at the end. Sprinters. Don't. Coast. Yeah, this guy's fast.
He wasn't coasting he was dancing.

God, that was an amazing race. I am so glad I just happened to turn on the TV.

What can I say, the man is aptly named.
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Old 07-02-2009, 12:02 PM
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draggar draggar is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Jester View Post
He's so fast, when he was playing football he ran back a kickoff for a touchdown before it was even kicked off!
He's so fast he once caught his own pass.

He's so fast he hit a home run - while bunting.

He's so fast he fielded a ball in the center field and STILL tagged out all 3 runners.

He's so fast that Jai-Alai is too slow for him.

He outran the winds of Wilma (while she was over Cancun), Katrina (New Orleans), and Andrew (Homestead, FL).

He wasn't coasting - that was his "echo" image from going faster than the speed of light.

He's so fast even the Stargate can't keep up.
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  #5  
Old 07-02-2009, 09:52 PM
edible_hat edible_hat is offline
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It looked like he changed clothes in the middle of the race, but it was because he's so fast that the light frequency shifted.
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