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  #11  
Old 08-26-2009, 03:57 PM
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Film heroes will immediately become an expert in anything at the first attempt, e.g. beating a grandmaster at chess

small, cute kittens/puppies are indestructible

Big red buttons should NEVER be pressed, under any circumstances

Anything can be saved onto a single floppy disk

In war films showing everyone a picture of your sweetheart back home guarantees certain death

The more the hero and female lead hate each other during the film, the more likely it is that they will cop off with each other at the end of it

When a girl is being chased by a killer she will constantly stop to throw objects in his path yet he will never gain any ground until she falls over

  #12  
Old 08-26-2009, 05:50 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Professional Serf View Post
Any padlock, no matter how large or complex, can be easily removed by slamming it with a rock or a brick.
Alternatively, the hero will be able to pick that same padlock with a paperclip.
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  #13  
Old 08-27-2009, 08:34 AM
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The hero shall be able to take thirty to forty foot drops onto metal or concrete structures and never break a bone.

Divorced couples with children shall always reunite after alien invasions, trips through haunted mental asylums, or asteroid collisions.

The husband in said couple shall always carry the torch by wearing his old wedding band on a necklace.

Gay co-stars shall always be ridiculously effeminate, asexual, and homely.
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  #14  
Old 08-29-2009, 04:40 AM
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Any gun, from a .22 pistol to a 16lb. cannon, will destroy any aircraft in one shot as long as it's fired by the hero.
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  #15  
Old 08-29-2009, 01:37 PM
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Quote:
The hero shall be able to take thirty to forty foot drops onto metal or concrete structures and never break a bone.
Lampshaded in Star Trek: First Contact.

Quote:
Any gun, from a .22 pistol to a 16lb. cannon, will destroy any aircraft in one shot as long as it's fired by the hero.
With most anti-aircraft artillery, the charges were pretty destructive, the problem was hitting the target. Flak guns were designed to burst nearby and inflict shrapnel damage, which was quite capable of setting an engine or fuel tank on fire, or killing crew.

Ships' main and secondary cannons (up to 5" calibre) were considered viable AA weapons, especially when you *did* need a one-shot kill (incoming bombers and Kamikaze). These days they have radar-guided Gatling guns and ship-to-air missiles to help out.

  #16  
Old 08-30-2009, 04:57 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Gibbo View Post
small, cute kittens/puppies are indestructible
Unless Richard is involved. Then all bets are off.

  #17  
Old 08-30-2009, 05:36 PM
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No-one, ever, needs to use the loo.
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  #18  
Old 08-30-2009, 08:32 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Chromatix View Post
Lampshaded in Star Trek: First Contact.


With most anti-aircraft artillery, the charges were pretty destructive, the problem was hitting the target. Flak guns were designed to burst nearby and inflict shrapnel damage, which was quite capable of setting an engine or fuel tank on fire, or killing crew.

Ships' main and secondary cannons (up to 5" calibre) were considered viable AA weapons, especially when you *did* need a one-shot kill (incoming bombers and Kamikaze). These days they have radar-guided Gatling guns and ship-to-air missiles to help out.
Psst! Joke thread!

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  #19  
Old 09-02-2009, 01:31 AM
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When taking a beating and being tossed around like a ragdoll by a heavily muscular tattooed brute, the hero will only suffer a slightly bloodied lip, and a few dirty smudges.

Any exposure to inclement weather will immediately result in a cold with an exageratedly reddened nose.
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  #20  
Old 12-11-2009, 10:30 PM
Imogene Imogene is offline
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Quote:
Quoth Ironclad Alibi View Post
Nilbog (God help you if you recognize this one),

Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.
I recognize that one, know little to nothing about it, but I recognize it...

Also, Eddie Izzard has a joke about the sound track in horror movies...
"Oooo! It sounds creepy down here! I'm not going down that path..."
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