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Just as the title says, thirteen idiots. All in the same day! I'm starting to believe that thirteen is an unlucky number.
1. A woman comes in, looks around, walks up to me, and asks me where the bathing suit section is. We are a grocery store. We sell food and toiletries, not bathing suits.
2. A young girl who looks like she's in high school asks for cigarettes. I ask for ID. She claims she left it in her car and couldn't I make an exception? Umm... No. She doesn't like that answer and asks for the manager. Manager says the same thing. Girl turns to leave, but before she does, she looks straight at me and flips me the bird. Nice.
3. Lady comes in and wants to return a bag of chips because when she opened them most of them were broken. Yeah, we don't do returns because of broken chips. She leaves after she rolls her eyes and lets out a huge sigh.
4. Guy comes in, buys a bag of plain chips and leaves. Guy comes back and yells at me because he wanted barb-b-que chips. And he blames me for not telling him the chips weren't barb-b-que. Oh, and he wants a brand new bag of chips for free. I tell him no he can't because #1 the bag was already open and empty and #2 we don't give away free bag of chips. He argues with me for five minutes, throws the bag in my direction, and leaves after I dodge it. We tried to get a license plate number, but he was already gone.
5. A guy comes in and returns a box of frozen macaroni and cheese because his sister gave it to him for his birthday, and he's lactose intolerant. Not sucky really. Just weird.
6. Two teens come in. They browse around the aisles. They continue to do so for an hour without picking up anything. Manager gets suspicious and asks me to keep an eye on them. They come into my lane with a chocolate bar. As I ring them up, I notice one of them has a jacket and it's literally bulging to the point where it looks like it's going to burst. I ask them to open his jacket. They run, manager stops them at the exit and tells them to open it or he's calling the police. They do and cookies, chips, and candies all fall out. Manager bans them for life.
7. A woman comes into my lane. I ring her up and she stares at me. She then says that I might look cute and cuddly on the outside, but I have an evil auora on the inside and it's eating my positive energy. She thinks an evil spirit or demon is taking control of my body and using it to gain into the human world. She then leaves a beaded necklace on my counter and tells me to take it to ward off the demons. Then she left while I'm still trying to figure what the hell just happened.
8. Lady comes into my lane and tries to pay using her credit card. I ask for ID. The credit card name does not match the ID. She tells me it's her sister's card. Yeah, the name on the card says Frank. She tries to tell me her sister had a sex change. When I said I needed her credit card, not her "sister's" she left in a huffy.
9. Not sucky. Just odd. A guy comes up into my lane with literally 30 packs of toilet paper, each pack containing 12 rolls. When I looked at all this, he said, "Don't ask." I didn't.
10. Guy comes up and asks if he can return a box of chocolates that he bought for his first date. The chocolates had coconut in them and he didn't tell his date. She ate one of the chocolates and broke out in a rash. Turns out she's allergic to coconuts. She refused to go out with him after that. Poor guy.
11. Guy comes in and tries to return a box of condoms. He says they didn't work. Enough said.
12. Lady comes in with a printer and tries to return it. She wouldn't listen when we said we were a grocery store. She kept insisting she bought the printer here. Finally, she grew agitated and left.
13. Guy comes in, constantly looks over his shoulder, looks like he's trying to hide from something. Comes up to me and asks in a barely audible whisper where the jalepeno peppers were so he could use them to kill the aliens from Saturn that have taken over his house and are using it as a command center. I didn't know that jalepenos were useful weapons against E.T.
1. A woman comes in, looks around, walks up to me, and asks me where the bathing suit section is. We are a grocery store. We sell food and toiletries, not bathing suits.
2. A young girl who looks like she's in high school asks for cigarettes. I ask for ID. She claims she left it in her car and couldn't I make an exception? Umm... No. She doesn't like that answer and asks for the manager. Manager says the same thing. Girl turns to leave, but before she does, she looks straight at me and flips me the bird. Nice.
3. Lady comes in and wants to return a bag of chips because when she opened them most of them were broken. Yeah, we don't do returns because of broken chips. She leaves after she rolls her eyes and lets out a huge sigh.
4. Guy comes in, buys a bag of plain chips and leaves. Guy comes back and yells at me because he wanted barb-b-que chips. And he blames me for not telling him the chips weren't barb-b-que. Oh, and he wants a brand new bag of chips for free. I tell him no he can't because #1 the bag was already open and empty and #2 we don't give away free bag of chips. He argues with me for five minutes, throws the bag in my direction, and leaves after I dodge it. We tried to get a license plate number, but he was already gone.
5. A guy comes in and returns a box of frozen macaroni and cheese because his sister gave it to him for his birthday, and he's lactose intolerant. Not sucky really. Just weird.
6. Two teens come in. They browse around the aisles. They continue to do so for an hour without picking up anything. Manager gets suspicious and asks me to keep an eye on them. They come into my lane with a chocolate bar. As I ring them up, I notice one of them has a jacket and it's literally bulging to the point where it looks like it's going to burst. I ask them to open his jacket. They run, manager stops them at the exit and tells them to open it or he's calling the police. They do and cookies, chips, and candies all fall out. Manager bans them for life.
7. A woman comes into my lane. I ring her up and she stares at me. She then says that I might look cute and cuddly on the outside, but I have an evil auora on the inside and it's eating my positive energy. She thinks an evil spirit or demon is taking control of my body and using it to gain into the human world. She then leaves a beaded necklace on my counter and tells me to take it to ward off the demons. Then she left while I'm still trying to figure what the hell just happened.
8. Lady comes into my lane and tries to pay using her credit card. I ask for ID. The credit card name does not match the ID. She tells me it's her sister's card. Yeah, the name on the card says Frank. She tries to tell me her sister had a sex change. When I said I needed her credit card, not her "sister's" she left in a huffy.
9. Not sucky. Just odd. A guy comes up into my lane with literally 30 packs of toilet paper, each pack containing 12 rolls. When I looked at all this, he said, "Don't ask." I didn't.
10. Guy comes up and asks if he can return a box of chocolates that he bought for his first date. The chocolates had coconut in them and he didn't tell his date. She ate one of the chocolates and broke out in a rash. Turns out she's allergic to coconuts. She refused to go out with him after that. Poor guy.
11. Guy comes in and tries to return a box of condoms. He says they didn't work. Enough said.
12. Lady comes in with a printer and tries to return it. She wouldn't listen when we said we were a grocery store. She kept insisting she bought the printer here. Finally, she grew agitated and left.
13. Guy comes in, constantly looks over his shoulder, looks like he's trying to hide from something. Comes up to me and asks in a barely audible whisper where the jalepeno peppers were so he could use them to kill the aliens from Saturn that have taken over his house and are using it as a command center. I didn't know that jalepenos were useful weapons against E.T.
I just have to ask, is your store near the funny farm? Those two are crazy. Reminds me of the time I was in the ER with my wife. (Car crash, we were ok) While I was with her, the cops brought in a guy in cuffs and cuffed him to the bed on the other side of the curtain from my wife. This guy was rambling, and I do mean rambling. The mish-mash of ideas and concepts coming from this guy that made no sense whatsoever was amusing and scary at the same time, because he went from one sentence/idea to the next with absolutely no pause whatsoever. One of the deputies was near by, so I asked him where the Energizer battery was, since he kept going, and going, and going... He told me the guy didn't take his meds and they were committing him that night.
"You'd feel a Hell of a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer." 
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