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I sell a lot of cigarettes. I'd say probably a quarter or more of my customers per day come in JUST for cigarettes. For the most part, these people are quite rational. Every now and again, however, I get a total nutter. This is a compilation of several of those nutters.
Underage? Not happening!
If you are not nineteen, you're not getting cigarettes/dip/rolling papers. Forget it. I went to school at SHS too, and I know most of you snot nosed little brats, and I know how much younger than me you are. No valid id, no way. I'm not risking a $500 fine, prosecution, and loss of my job because you've got a habit. I will also not sell them to your old-enough-friend that is standing next to you. Why? Because you just stood there in front of me and asked him to. Legally, I CANNOT sell them to him. Get over it. Go play in traffic.
Then there's the Out-of-staters I had last year. Kid says he wants a pack of Marlboro. I ask for ID. He has a Georgia license. I knew he was too young, but I punch in his birthdate anyway. And it says he's too young because his birthday is October of '88.
I tell him I can't sell them to him because you have to be 19 to buy tobacco in Alabama. He looked at me like someone hit him in the back of the head with a 2x4. So he pays for his gas and him and his buddies leave. Well the kid comes back in and says "Your door says you have to be born in '88 to buy cigarettes." So I told him the cash register said he was too young. "Well if you do the math, I'm 18!" And I reply with "Yeah, but you have to be 19 to buy tobacco in Alabama." So he looked at me again like someone hit him with a 2x4, and said "But I'm 18!" to which I again said "But you have to be 19 in Alabama." So he looked like a poleaxed ox, and left.
I mean, I understand there's only like 4 or 5 states who have the minimum age for tobacco as 19, but why the hell would I lie to him about it?! And how many times did I really have to tell him?
Also, I am friends with a State Trooper. Yes, he comes in the store to visit me when he's off-duty. If you are moronic enough to be underage and ask me to sell you cigarettes with him standing right there, even if you know him too, you deserve to be hit in the head with a softball bat.
Guess what? I'm not psychic!
Please be as specific as possible when making cigarette purchases. Tell me exactly what you want, then you don't have to whine at me when it's not right. Or cause a ridiculous scene. I have two examples of this.
M: Me, of course.
CC: Cigarette customer.
CC: *Walks in, hands me a credit card, gives me expectant look, never says a word*
M: *gives expectant look back for a minute or two before speaking* Um...are you just giving me a credit card?
CC: I need cigarettes. *Expectant look again*
M: ...what kind?
CC: Marlboros. (Said with a definite tone of finality.)
At this point, I make the massive assumption that the guy wants a pack of Marlboro reds, soft pack. So I get them, ring them up, lay them on the counter and give the man his total.
CC: No, I wanted light 100's in a box.
M: *thinking WTF.*
And the whole time he watched me, never bothering to mention BEFORE I ring them up that they aren't what he wanted. Hell, he could have stopped me before I even got them out of the RACK. Buy no, he waits until I get them rung up and on the counter.
I am not psychic. I. Am. Not. Psychic. You have to tell me what you want. If you are a regular who isn't a complete asshole to me every time you come in, I make an EFFORT to memorize your usual. And do it gladly. And in that case "I need cigarettes" is a perfectly acceptable statement. But if you are someone I don't know from Adam's housecat, and have never before seen you in my life, or only seen you once or twice, chances are I have no effing clue what you want when you say that. BE SPECIFIC!!!
That case was just a bit annoying. This next one however, was hell. The man was a regular, but had NEVER EVER in the HISTORY of my working in this store bought cigarettes when I was working. He usually got those on one of the other two shifts. Not to mention he ALWAYS, and I mean always, TRIED to start shit with me when he came in. I'm a smartass by nature, but I'm one of those smartasses that everyone laughs at. He's the kind of smartass that everyone wants to kill. Not a good mix.
M: Me, again.
AH: The Asshat buying cigs.
AH: I need Basic full-flavor 100's in a box.
At this point, I would like to clarify that he CLEARLY said in a box. Even if he didn't, the whole situation was uncalled for.
M: *Get them, ring them up lay them on the counter, give the man his total.*
AH: I want those in a soft pack.
M: I'm sorry, I thought you said box. *go to switch them*
I know he said in a box. But hey, people screw up, right? Not a big deal, right? Heh. Read on.
AH: I would NEVER say BOX! EVERYBODY I buy my cigarettes from KNOWS that I TAKE THEM IN A SOFT PACK!!!! The ones in a box are too strong, I can't smoke them!!
M: *thinking "They're the same effing cigarettes?!"* People make mistakes, I heard 'box'. (I was actually referring to myself with this statement, but Asshat was being, well, an Asshat.)
AH: Not me! I NEVER make mistakes! And I'm never wrong! (COMPLETELY serious, this guy was. And getting irate...for what, I'm still not sure)
M: *Getting pissed off* Nobody's perfect. (At this point, I'm getting snippy.)
AH: I want to know what in the hell you're doing working in this store with an attitude like that?
M: *What the fuck?!* Well I want to know what in the hell you're doing smarting off to me and always trying to start shit with me when you come in here!
AH: I don't reckon I do!
M: Yes you do, you've got some smartass remark every single time you come in when I'm working. (I was yelling at this point. Do NOT step on my nerves with your stupidity.)
AH: I do not! I'm never shopping in here again while you're working!
M: I'm not going to lose any sleep over that.
AH: I'M TELLING YOUR MOM!
(Clarification. There are three cashiers where I work...me, my mom, and my mom's 1st cousin. My mom is manager in everything but title.)
M: Go ahead and tell her. I'm 23 years old, what's she gonna do, spank me? *Thinking "She don't like you either, asshole."
He leaves in a huff.
Now, I've had the same problem with customers and cigs before where I thought they said box, and they didn't, or I thought they said lights, or I just grabbed the wrong thing. Normally, I just say "Oh I'm sorry I thought you said xxxx" or joke about it and say "Look over me, it's one of those days," depending on the customer. Usually their response is "Oh, it's okay" or "Yeah I know what you mean" or something appropriate for what I say. It's a friggin pack of cigarettes, people. It is NOTHING to make a big deal over. I apologized to the man, I even switched the cigarettes, and he still thought it necessary to cause a scene. There were even witnesses who asked after he left, "What crawled up his ass and died?"
For the record, he did 'tell my mummy.' But I had already told her about it. Her response boiled down to "Yeah, she told me about it. And from what she said, I think you need to grow up."
He hung up on her.
Emphasis solves everything?
CW - Cigarette Woman; M - me, of course
CW: I need a pack of basic light 100's
M: Soft pack?
CW: Basic light 100's *very emphatically like I was stupid*
M: *holds up a soft pack* Soft pack? *Just as emphatically*
CW: Oh. Soft pack is fine.
Then, she had the dignity to blush.
I mean, seriously...what did she think I asked her??
(I was going to post about the idiot who threatened loudly to sue over the out of date cigarettes...but hell, this thing's long enough already.)
Underage? Not happening!
If you are not nineteen, you're not getting cigarettes/dip/rolling papers. Forget it. I went to school at SHS too, and I know most of you snot nosed little brats, and I know how much younger than me you are. No valid id, no way. I'm not risking a $500 fine, prosecution, and loss of my job because you've got a habit. I will also not sell them to your old-enough-friend that is standing next to you. Why? Because you just stood there in front of me and asked him to. Legally, I CANNOT sell them to him. Get over it. Go play in traffic.
Then there's the Out-of-staters I had last year. Kid says he wants a pack of Marlboro. I ask for ID. He has a Georgia license. I knew he was too young, but I punch in his birthdate anyway. And it says he's too young because his birthday is October of '88.
I tell him I can't sell them to him because you have to be 19 to buy tobacco in Alabama. He looked at me like someone hit him in the back of the head with a 2x4. So he pays for his gas and him and his buddies leave. Well the kid comes back in and says "Your door says you have to be born in '88 to buy cigarettes." So I told him the cash register said he was too young. "Well if you do the math, I'm 18!" And I reply with "Yeah, but you have to be 19 to buy tobacco in Alabama." So he looked at me again like someone hit him with a 2x4, and said "But I'm 18!" to which I again said "But you have to be 19 in Alabama." So he looked like a poleaxed ox, and left.
I mean, I understand there's only like 4 or 5 states who have the minimum age for tobacco as 19, but why the hell would I lie to him about it?! And how many times did I really have to tell him?
Also, I am friends with a State Trooper. Yes, he comes in the store to visit me when he's off-duty. If you are moronic enough to be underage and ask me to sell you cigarettes with him standing right there, even if you know him too, you deserve to be hit in the head with a softball bat.
Guess what? I'm not psychic!
Please be as specific as possible when making cigarette purchases. Tell me exactly what you want, then you don't have to whine at me when it's not right. Or cause a ridiculous scene. I have two examples of this.
M: Me, of course.
CC: Cigarette customer.
CC: *Walks in, hands me a credit card, gives me expectant look, never says a word*
M: *gives expectant look back for a minute or two before speaking* Um...are you just giving me a credit card?
CC: I need cigarettes. *Expectant look again*
M: ...what kind?
CC: Marlboros. (Said with a definite tone of finality.)
At this point, I make the massive assumption that the guy wants a pack of Marlboro reds, soft pack. So I get them, ring them up, lay them on the counter and give the man his total.
CC: No, I wanted light 100's in a box.
M: *thinking WTF.*
And the whole time he watched me, never bothering to mention BEFORE I ring them up that they aren't what he wanted. Hell, he could have stopped me before I even got them out of the RACK. Buy no, he waits until I get them rung up and on the counter.
I am not psychic. I. Am. Not. Psychic. You have to tell me what you want. If you are a regular who isn't a complete asshole to me every time you come in, I make an EFFORT to memorize your usual. And do it gladly. And in that case "I need cigarettes" is a perfectly acceptable statement. But if you are someone I don't know from Adam's housecat, and have never before seen you in my life, or only seen you once or twice, chances are I have no effing clue what you want when you say that. BE SPECIFIC!!!
That case was just a bit annoying. This next one however, was hell. The man was a regular, but had NEVER EVER in the HISTORY of my working in this store bought cigarettes when I was working. He usually got those on one of the other two shifts. Not to mention he ALWAYS, and I mean always, TRIED to start shit with me when he came in. I'm a smartass by nature, but I'm one of those smartasses that everyone laughs at. He's the kind of smartass that everyone wants to kill. Not a good mix.
M: Me, again.
AH: The Asshat buying cigs.
AH: I need Basic full-flavor 100's in a box.
At this point, I would like to clarify that he CLEARLY said in a box. Even if he didn't, the whole situation was uncalled for.
M: *Get them, ring them up lay them on the counter, give the man his total.*
AH: I want those in a soft pack.
M: I'm sorry, I thought you said box. *go to switch them*
I know he said in a box. But hey, people screw up, right? Not a big deal, right? Heh. Read on.
AH: I would NEVER say BOX! EVERYBODY I buy my cigarettes from KNOWS that I TAKE THEM IN A SOFT PACK!!!! The ones in a box are too strong, I can't smoke them!!
M: *thinking "They're the same effing cigarettes?!"* People make mistakes, I heard 'box'. (I was actually referring to myself with this statement, but Asshat was being, well, an Asshat.)
AH: Not me! I NEVER make mistakes! And I'm never wrong! (COMPLETELY serious, this guy was. And getting irate...for what, I'm still not sure)
M: *Getting pissed off* Nobody's perfect. (At this point, I'm getting snippy.)
AH: I want to know what in the hell you're doing working in this store with an attitude like that?
M: *What the fuck?!* Well I want to know what in the hell you're doing smarting off to me and always trying to start shit with me when you come in here!
AH: I don't reckon I do!
M: Yes you do, you've got some smartass remark every single time you come in when I'm working. (I was yelling at this point. Do NOT step on my nerves with your stupidity.)
AH: I do not! I'm never shopping in here again while you're working!
M: I'm not going to lose any sleep over that.
AH: I'M TELLING YOUR MOM!
(Clarification. There are three cashiers where I work...me, my mom, and my mom's 1st cousin. My mom is manager in everything but title.)
M: Go ahead and tell her. I'm 23 years old, what's she gonna do, spank me? *Thinking "She don't like you either, asshole."
He leaves in a huff.
Now, I've had the same problem with customers and cigs before where I thought they said box, and they didn't, or I thought they said lights, or I just grabbed the wrong thing. Normally, I just say "Oh I'm sorry I thought you said xxxx" or joke about it and say "Look over me, it's one of those days," depending on the customer. Usually their response is "Oh, it's okay" or "Yeah I know what you mean" or something appropriate for what I say. It's a friggin pack of cigarettes, people. It is NOTHING to make a big deal over. I apologized to the man, I even switched the cigarettes, and he still thought it necessary to cause a scene. There were even witnesses who asked after he left, "What crawled up his ass and died?"
For the record, he did 'tell my mummy.' But I had already told her about it. Her response boiled down to "Yeah, she told me about it. And from what she said, I think you need to grow up."
He hung up on her.
Emphasis solves everything?
CW - Cigarette Woman; M - me, of course
CW: I need a pack of basic light 100's
M: Soft pack?
CW: Basic light 100's *very emphatically like I was stupid*
M: *holds up a soft pack* Soft pack? *Just as emphatically*
CW: Oh. Soft pack is fine.
Then, she had the dignity to blush.
I mean, seriously...what did she think I asked her??
(I was going to post about the idiot who threatened loudly to sue over the out of date cigarettes...but hell, this thing's long enough already.)
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