Pain of the Mental and Physical Sort

[Kara]

Typing is fun. I wish I could do it at work instead of talking. All of the sudden yesterday, my right tonsil started to hurt like mad. Swallowing increased the pain about a hundredfold. If I touch it with my tongue or any form of food, it feels like someone stabbing me with a knife. That’s on fire. And covered in bees. I went to the doctor this morning before work and I have viral tonsillitis. Being viral, they can’t give me magic pills to fix it, and I can’t get out of work without getting in trouble due to dealing with a car wreck last week. If it were swollen or inflamed, maybe RP would be more forgiving, but there’s no physical evidence to support my excruciating pain, so all I can do is talk on the phone all day, which does not make it feel any better.

At least we were slow the last couple of days. Today is non-stop busy, but here’s the last couple of days’ worth of the stupidity I endured. Not much to report really, but hey, I work with what I have.

SM = Sucky Man
SW = Sucky Woman
ME = Owie…

Sarcasm Filter: Failed

SW: I want a credit for all the minutes over I had last month!
ME: Well, I do see the calls were made from your phone, the serial number in the call records matches with the phone you’ve been using for the last 7 months. We can look at a better plan-
SW: The plan I have is fine! You just need to take the overage off!
ME: But those are valid charges. You did use the service. You were over last month also, did you consider changing your plan when you saw the bill at that time?
SW: I don’t ever check my bill, I just pay whatever it says is due when I call the automated system. But anyway, you need to do what I want! The customer is always right!
ME: Actually, that’s a common misconception.

Fortunately, she had gone into a tirade and didn’t hear me at all. It’s not like I told her anything that was incorrect, anyway….

Oh Yeah. This Marriage is Going to Last

SM: I need to cancel due to extenuating circumstances.
ME: I’m sorry to hear that. What’s going on, maybe I can help.
SM: I’m getting married.

If I could record this call myself and send it to the “lucky” bride so she could hear the sheer defeat in his voice, I’d do it.

Let’s Do the Time Warp Again

SM: I want a lower plan or I’ll cancel!
ME: I have a plan available for 60 minutes a month, it’s our lowest plan we’ve ever offered.
SM: 60 minutes? That’s all? I use more minutes than that an hour!

I tried to figure out the logic here, but I just couldn’t do it. To acquire the metal capacity for this to make sense, I’d have to drink my weight in alcohol, inhale gas fumes for 16 hours, and eat a lead pipe. And none of that sounds like fun, so I guess I’ll just let it make sense to citizens of the magic fairy world of make-believe like you, sir. Good day.

On Preparedness

ME: Could I have your mobile phone number please?
SM: No, but I’ll give you my account number. It’s……..
ME: …..
SM: Baby, what’s my account number?
Woman in background: Sigh. XXXXXXXXX.

“Baby,” get out while you can! I’ve seen where this is going, soon you’ll be just an extenuating circumstance. Why don’t I see if I can get you and the other woman together and you can have a castration party? Or you could go all Thelma & Loiuse if you want. I’ll set it up, you two just do whatever with it.

1-800-YOU-SUCK

My third customer in three worked days in a row that I made cry . She was bawling because thought 800 numbers didn’t use minutes. So she had the brilliant idea to use calling cards for a vast number of calls and wound up something like 750 minutes over. I explained that 800 numbers are TOLL FREE meaning that if you don’t have a phone service that offers free long distance, they don’t charge a toll per minute. It doesn’t mean they don’t use cell phone minutes. In fact, most toll-free numbers now carry a disclaimer in the fine print that it may use minutes if calling from a wireless phone. Of course, when I asked if she noticed when she checked her minutes that she was quickly approaching and then exceeding her minutes, she gave the exact response I was expecting, that she doesn’t ever check her minutes because she never, ever goes over. Nope, not going to feel sorry for you. If you want sympathy, look in the dictionary between “sh*t” and “syphilis.”

…

My sheet of notes has one more entry from Friday. It says “Someone.” That’s all. It would seem a customer said something about “someone” that I found to be noteworthy, but then I seem to have gotten another call before I could write anything else and I have no idea what it was in reference to. Sorry.

[Broomjockey]

Let’s Do the Time Warp Again

SM: I want a lower plan or I’ll cancel!
ME: I have a plan available for 60 minutes a month, it’s our lowest plan we’ve ever offered.
SM: 60 minutes? That’s all? I use more minutes than that an hour!

I tried to figure out the logic here, but I just couldn’t do it. To acquire the metal capacity for this to make sense, I’d have to drink my weight in alcohol, inhale gas fumes for 16 hours, and eat a lead pipe. And none of that sounds like fun, so I guess I’ll just let it make sense to citizens of the magic fairy world of make-believe like you, sir. Good day.

Please, that's an easy one! Your pained state must have limited your imagination (so I wish you a speedy recovery to full evilness again ). She calls someone, puts them on hold, calls someone else, then does a 3-way conference on the phone, while the first person is still on hold. Three times the minute usage for the price of one! Either that or she's on a metric hour.

[BookstoreEscapee]

Typing is fun. I wish I could do it at work instead of talking. All of the sudden yesterday, my right tonsil started to hurt like mad. Swallowing increased the pain about a hundredfold. If I touch it with my tongue or any form of food, it feels like someone stabbing me with a knife. That’s on fire. And covered in bees. I went to the doctor this morning before work and I have viral tonsillitis.

You poor thing, I know your pain well. All I can say is, Advil and ice cream! Stat!

(actually, even ice cream hurts, but how often do you have such a great excuse to eat ice cream? )

Though mine is always bacterial, and involves swelling and white patches and antibiotics.

Hope you feel better soon

[ThePhoneGoddess]

Okay, health food dork to the rescue. On the rare occasions I do get sick it's always viral. I never get bacterial problems. So...

Strawberries and apples are both highly antiviral. But they have to be fresh. Do you have access to a juicer? If so, stop at a health food store, pick up a bag of apples (any kind) and a thing of strawberries (both organic). Make fresh juice (good amount is two apples and a cup of strawberries). Drink this morning and night until it goes away.

I also put a dropper of osha root tincture into the juice. If you don't have a juicer and eating fresh fruit hurts too much, just grab a thing of osha root tincture. It's also a very powerful antiviral. Osha root will kill anything in your system, I swear.

[morgana]

Whenever anything viral knocks me down, I use elderberry extract. I've killed a shingles outbreak in four hours with elderberry. Sambuca's the best.

[Sliceanddice]

owww kara, when i had tonsilitis i lost the ability to play the french horn.
Don't ever let any tell you that ginger ale helps, it doesnt.
Gatorade works though....

oh and for that last one, maybe you where asking help from 'Someone' or just lost it alittle

[InsanityInc]

Another thing you can try is a herbal tea called Throat Coat. Brew it up, add a little honey, and the stuff works. I had a killer sore throat, and a friend told me about it. I was in enough pain I gave it a shot, and was pleasantly surprised at the result. Most grocery stores carry it in with the homeopathic stuff.

[BaristaGirl]

Do what I did. Get your tonsils removed so they stop costing you days of your life that you need for work and school!

Feel better, though. Stay strong through the stupidity.

[mattm04]

"In fact, most toll-free numbers now carry a disclaimer in the fine print that it may use minutes if calling from a wireless phone."

It's sad that people need to be reminded of this.

[Polenicus]

Y'know, I think cell phones need to be made with built-in tasers. Every time the customer utters the phrase 'I never check my minutes' or 'I never check my bill', they will receive a shock. The phone will increase the shock based on the number of times this phrase is uttered (Beware of used phones!) until it reaches a maximum of a battery-emptying discharge.

This may train them to actually check their minutes. But more likely, it will simply result in shorter calls for Kara, and some small satisfaction on her part.

"I never check my minutes! I-KZZZZZZZRRRRRRTTT!.... *Silence*"

[Sliceanddice]

\

"I never check my minutes! I-KZZZZZZZRRRRRRTTT!.... *Silence*"

..... i would pay god money to see that, twice as much for a recording i could watch over and over and over and over again.... until i die laughing...

[wagegoth]

Echinacea kicks up your immune system. Aerial parts of echinacea purpurea are the best. Don't take it long term; don't take it as a preventative. Take your vitamins. Eat what you can. In kicking up your immune system, it can also wear down your reserves, so you need to stay replenished.

Try the zinc cold lozenges for the throat pain. It's also a good anti-viral.

If you're not vegetarian, chicken broth appears to have anti-viral properties and it's a good source of energy when you don't feel like eating.

[yomiko]

My favourite throat remedy (that's easily available) is hot water, squeezed juice from a lemon (I have used the fake RealLemon stuff when knocked for a loop and way too lazy to bother, but real lemon is better) and honey to taste.

[wagegoth]

Tupelo honey, yum.

[Kara]

Y'know, I think cell phones need to be made with built-in tasers.

I've been lobbying for years that we need to design the phones so that if I click an option in the system it sends a 10,000 volt shock coursing through the cusotmers' bodies. For pretty much the same reasons, as well as "It's the principle!" "What are you going to do to keep me?" and "I'm a good customer!"

I had a guy just today throwing a fit about how he went over by like 550 minutes last month and didn't want to pay for it. I asked him (already knowing the answer, but I like to confirm it) if he checked the minutes and no, he never does that. Then he says "I've been your customer for 5 years, you need to fix this!" Excuse me? I need to fix this? You used the damn thing, you pay for it.