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Both of these are from last week. I would've posted last week, but, y'know, life.
The stripper
So, it's a quarter past 2am. In Phoenix, the bars are closed, and the drunks need rides home. Yay for the cabbie!
I get a call to a strip club. Normally this would be some idiot who spent his paycheck on girls to get him hot-n-bothered... nope, this time it's one of the strippers. Shrug.
She gets in and immediately asks for a discount. Sorry, our only discount is for seniors. She pulls up her shirt exposing what I must admit was a very fine pair of breasts, and says, "How about now?" Sorry, those might pay your rent but they won't pay mine.
The drunk
The next night, about the same time, I get called to a bar. This time my passenger comes staggering out... he's blitzed. He tells me he lives near the air force base (about 13 miles away)... but first, let's go across the street for burgers. We enter the drive-thru, and he proceeds to order 6 burgers, some chicken nuggets, and some tacos. (This is a lot of food, fyi.) We pull around to the window and are greeted by a pretty girl in her late teens or early twenties... so Drunky McDrunkentosh proceeds to hit on her in the most idiotic manner possible. "You have a boyfriend?" "No." "Want one?" Sigh.
Then we spend the entire trip with him asking where we are every minute or so. We finally get to his street... and he has me go straight past it, to another bar. Sigh.
We get there, he pays me with a literal wad of cash, and mumbles about dropping twenty "in the bushes". Whatever, just PLEASE get out of my cab...!
As soon as he disappears inside, I follow and grab a waiter, point out Drunky, and tell him that it would be a bad idea to serve him more booze. Waiter takes one look and tells me he's not being served anything harder than soda.
I escape! And quickly find that Drunky dropped $20 in my cab. The honorable thing would be to return it to him... but considering how annoying he was (not the best drunk I ever drove), I write it off to his nightly idiot tax.
Oh, yeah, all that food? He ate the chicken and then gave me the rest. Wtf?
The stripper
So, it's a quarter past 2am. In Phoenix, the bars are closed, and the drunks need rides home. Yay for the cabbie!
I get a call to a strip club. Normally this would be some idiot who spent his paycheck on girls to get him hot-n-bothered... nope, this time it's one of the strippers. Shrug.
She gets in and immediately asks for a discount. Sorry, our only discount is for seniors. She pulls up her shirt exposing what I must admit was a very fine pair of breasts, and says, "How about now?" Sorry, those might pay your rent but they won't pay mine.
The drunk
The next night, about the same time, I get called to a bar. This time my passenger comes staggering out... he's blitzed. He tells me he lives near the air force base (about 13 miles away)... but first, let's go across the street for burgers. We enter the drive-thru, and he proceeds to order 6 burgers, some chicken nuggets, and some tacos. (This is a lot of food, fyi.) We pull around to the window and are greeted by a pretty girl in her late teens or early twenties... so Drunky McDrunkentosh proceeds to hit on her in the most idiotic manner possible. "You have a boyfriend?" "No." "Want one?" Sigh.
Then we spend the entire trip with him asking where we are every minute or so. We finally get to his street... and he has me go straight past it, to another bar. Sigh.
We get there, he pays me with a literal wad of cash, and mumbles about dropping twenty "in the bushes". Whatever, just PLEASE get out of my cab...!
As soon as he disappears inside, I follow and grab a waiter, point out Drunky, and tell him that it would be a bad idea to serve him more booze. Waiter takes one look and tells me he's not being served anything harder than soda.
I escape! And quickly find that Drunky dropped $20 in my cab. The honorable thing would be to return it to him... but considering how annoying he was (not the best drunk I ever drove), I write it off to his nightly idiot tax.
Oh, yeah, all that food? He ate the chicken and then gave me the rest. Wtf?
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