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Calm down, it's not as exciting as it sounds. Around here, a MOB is short-hand for a 'Miserable Old Bat (Bastard)' depending on the sex of the MOB involved. We're equal - opportunity wombles. This one was of the Bat gender.
Anywhere, I was opening on Thursday on my own. As I've said before, I firmly believe a good manager should do at least one open or a close on their own at least once a week. As you all know, I'm over-compensating in this regard at the moment, but let that pass.
So, nice easy morning, customers every few seconds, selling smokes, checking cig deliveries, doing the daily paperwork a page at a time, nothing especially odd, until about 11am. Customers have backed off now, and there's just a lady in the store looking at gifts and a man examining prices before deciding. Then this scrappy MOB comes up to the counter and the fun begins. The following is word for word. You can't script this stuff...
Me: Your loveable lunatic manager
MOB: Miserable Old Bat
NL: Nice Lady customer
BM: Bemused male customer
Me: How can I help you?
MOB: Cig case for superkings.
Me: We have several styles of cases, including these ones here that fit the pack--
MOB: How much?!
Me: $6.95
MOB: (throws $2 coin on counter and GLARES at me like I just killed a kitten and keeps scrabling in her purse)
Me: So, just the case then? (no answer, just another look of death) Ok, and would you like any s/kings to go with that?
MOB: (screeches) No!
Me: (smiling like mad) One superkings case then. That will be $6.95, thank you.
MOB: (tosses a $10 note on the counter and continues to glare at me.
Now, note that there's a $2 coin and a $10 note on the counter. Also note that the other 2 customers in the store are watching with some amusement. Everything about the MOB is screaming "you are a worthless dreg of humanity, how dare you speak to me, you miserable little worm!" I am grinning like a madman and being so polite my halo is practically gleaming.
Me: (picking up the $10 note) One extra tall case at $6.95. From $10, that gives $3 and 5c change. (hands the change back into the MOB outstretched claws, including the $2 coin that hadn't been needed.) Have a nice day madam. (turns to the male customer, who's indicated he'd like to bugger off) What can I get you sir?
The next few seconds are spent with me serving several customers who all come in at once. The NL sticks around, and the MOB is still standing at the counter glaring at me and looking like she's about to explode. After a few minutes, things calm down again, and I turn to the MOB, grinning even wider now. I could tell this was going to be fun.
Me: Is there something else, madam?
(the following from the MOB is all said in a screech, as of someone at the end of their rope. In her case, it was a noose.)
MOB: Are you stupid? I gave you a $10 and a $2 coin! Why didn't you give me back the $5 note I wanted? How dare you serve other people when you hadn't finished serving me! You're an idiot, you know that? Just a stupid F*cking idiot!
Me: (buffing up my halo) Madam, please! Politeness costs nothing! (the MOB shut her, her mouth dropped open, stunned. NL is openly sniggering into the Beanie Kids display) Now, you wanted a $5 note, yes?
MOB: Of course I did, you stupid bitch! Why else would --
Me: (takes the coins and gets the note) You only had to say please. (I hold the note out, folded slightly between two fingers) I assume you can say please and thank you when people go out of their way to help you?
The NL has been joined by Shiels, a regular customer from one of the shops. He's seen me in action before at the liquor store, and is grinning as well.
MOB: (tries to snatch the note out of my hand, misses, then snatches again, getting it this time.) How dare you correct me, you bitch! I'm the customers here, and whatever I say is what I get! (stuffs her purse in her bag and storms off to the door.)
Me: (as she's exiting the store) Have a nice day, madam.
MOB: Screams incoherantly in the doorway, before giving me the devils finger salute and storming off. At least, she tried to storm off. She actually walked into the very tall greeting card carosel, which got all tangled up with her bag. It took her several seconds to pull her bag out.
Me: Would you like some help madam?
MOB: Screams some more, another finger, and this time she stalks off.
NL: (coming to the counter) Don't get upset, dear, you didn't do anything wrong.
Me: I know! (gloats) And I've got a great story for my favourite website!
NL looked confused by happy for me. Shiels thought it was hysterically funny. Quite made my day.
Anywhere, I was opening on Thursday on my own. As I've said before, I firmly believe a good manager should do at least one open or a close on their own at least once a week. As you all know, I'm over-compensating in this regard at the moment, but let that pass.
So, nice easy morning, customers every few seconds, selling smokes, checking cig deliveries, doing the daily paperwork a page at a time, nothing especially odd, until about 11am. Customers have backed off now, and there's just a lady in the store looking at gifts and a man examining prices before deciding. Then this scrappy MOB comes up to the counter and the fun begins. The following is word for word. You can't script this stuff...
Me: Your loveable lunatic manager
MOB: Miserable Old Bat
NL: Nice Lady customer
BM: Bemused male customer
Me: How can I help you?
MOB: Cig case for superkings.
Me: We have several styles of cases, including these ones here that fit the pack--
MOB: How much?!
Me: $6.95
MOB: (throws $2 coin on counter and GLARES at me like I just killed a kitten and keeps scrabling in her purse)
Me: So, just the case then? (no answer, just another look of death) Ok, and would you like any s/kings to go with that?
MOB: (screeches) No!
Me: (smiling like mad) One superkings case then. That will be $6.95, thank you.
MOB: (tosses a $10 note on the counter and continues to glare at me.
Now, note that there's a $2 coin and a $10 note on the counter. Also note that the other 2 customers in the store are watching with some amusement. Everything about the MOB is screaming "you are a worthless dreg of humanity, how dare you speak to me, you miserable little worm!" I am grinning like a madman and being so polite my halo is practically gleaming.
Me: (picking up the $10 note) One extra tall case at $6.95. From $10, that gives $3 and 5c change. (hands the change back into the MOB outstretched claws, including the $2 coin that hadn't been needed.) Have a nice day madam. (turns to the male customer, who's indicated he'd like to bugger off) What can I get you sir?
The next few seconds are spent with me serving several customers who all come in at once. The NL sticks around, and the MOB is still standing at the counter glaring at me and looking like she's about to explode. After a few minutes, things calm down again, and I turn to the MOB, grinning even wider now. I could tell this was going to be fun.
Me: Is there something else, madam?
(the following from the MOB is all said in a screech, as of someone at the end of their rope. In her case, it was a noose.)
MOB: Are you stupid? I gave you a $10 and a $2 coin! Why didn't you give me back the $5 note I wanted? How dare you serve other people when you hadn't finished serving me! You're an idiot, you know that? Just a stupid F*cking idiot!
Me: (buffing up my halo) Madam, please! Politeness costs nothing! (the MOB shut her, her mouth dropped open, stunned. NL is openly sniggering into the Beanie Kids display) Now, you wanted a $5 note, yes?
MOB: Of course I did, you stupid bitch! Why else would --
Me: (takes the coins and gets the note) You only had to say please. (I hold the note out, folded slightly between two fingers) I assume you can say please and thank you when people go out of their way to help you?
The NL has been joined by Shiels, a regular customer from one of the shops. He's seen me in action before at the liquor store, and is grinning as well.
MOB: (tries to snatch the note out of my hand, misses, then snatches again, getting it this time.) How dare you correct me, you bitch! I'm the customers here, and whatever I say is what I get! (stuffs her purse in her bag and storms off to the door.)
Me: (as she's exiting the store) Have a nice day, madam.
MOB: Screams incoherantly in the doorway, before giving me the devils finger salute and storming off. At least, she tried to storm off. She actually walked into the very tall greeting card carosel, which got all tangled up with her bag. It took her several seconds to pull her bag out.
Me: Would you like some help madam?
MOB: Screams some more, another finger, and this time she stalks off.
NL: (coming to the counter) Don't get upset, dear, you didn't do anything wrong.
Me: I know! (gloats) And I've got a great story for my favourite website!
NL looked confused by happy for me. Shiels thought it was hysterically funny. Quite made my day.
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