CS Christmas Songbook II

[BroSCFischer]

(Tune of Last Christmas)

Last season, I gave you a start,
And that very same day, you posted away
This year, we'll try it again
And hope that it's just as special

I did this last year, and thought it would be fun to try again. Same rules apply:

#1). At least 2 verses and the chorus (if it is a short one, do the whole song).
#2). You can't re-post one you did last year.

You can parody a song that has already been done, just put a new spin on it.

If Christmas Doesn't Kill Me
(Tune of Christmas in Killarney)

The money green, the envy green
The ugliest picture you've ever seen
If Christmas doesn't Kill me
I'll be at the crazy home

It's a race, to win, to grab and grin
While rummaging through the bargain bin
"I saw it first, you know, of course
And will fight you to take it home"

The floor is always crowded
The lines to the back wall
With Christmas greed, to want is need
It's mine, so damn them all

They start to flail, begin to wail
I've run out of everything that's on sale
I'm feeling mounting pressure
The likes I've never known
If Christmas doesn't Kill me
I'll be at the crazy home

SC

[BroSCFischer]

Well, I got a little distracted from parodying, but when I heard Marshmallow World in the store, I immediately though of this:

Real Shallow World

It's a real shallow world in the winter
When the stores are full of the crowds
It's the last car spot, in the parking lot
I hate when the sales come 'round

Those are real shallow crowds being greedy
And their carts are full to the top
Someone took a toy, from a little boy
And walked off as he cried non-stop

Your greed is a snowball, just watch it grow
That's how things go, when prices are low
Your greed is a snowball, all the day long
Watch it roll over the throng

It's a crum-crummy world made for shoppers
Leave the store with the clothing unfurled
Got no time to waste, in your messy haste
In winter, it's a real shallow world

Enjoy,

SC

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Sock It To Me SCs

Based on "Sock It To Me Santa," which is an old Bob Seger song. It's rapidly rising to the top of my Christmas favorites list.

You know Mommy, Christmas is really going to suck this year.
Why is that, you ungrateful brat?

'Cuz I got nothing in my bag!

SCs sock it to me, and that I don't like
SCs sock it to me, no you can't have a bike
I hope your Christmas is a drag
I got nothin' in my bag

You're trashing my store and you're bringing me down
You're spreading hate and bad will across town
There's an evil smile on my face you can see
'Cuz ruining your Christmas fills my soul up with glee

SCs sock it to me, they make a big mess
SC's sock it to me, we're all out of that dress
I hope your Christmas is a drag
I got nothing in my bag

I say she is angry, you are smelly
You make the vomit rise right out of my belly
We got old farts, got shoplifters
Hoarders and drunks and short-change scam grifters

I got a lotta sore muscles and a drinking habit (sock it to me SCs)
You got twenty naughty kids 'cuz you screw like a rabbit (sock it to me SCs)
They knock down all my endcaps and there's lots of broken glass (sock it to me SCs)
You SCs and your children are a pain in my...neck (sock it to me SCs)

SCs sock it to me chasing all the new fads
SCs sock it to me 'cuz we're out of iPads
I hope your Christmas is a drag
I got nothing in my bag

Composer's Note: This is the G-rated version.