Don't assume nobody can understand you if you're speaking a different language.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I know a little French, just enough to make myself understood, plus a few swears and insults. The three phrases you need to know are as follows.

1. Je voudrais un biere/vin blanc/vin rouge s'il vous plait.
I would like a beer/white wine/red wine please.

2. Ou est la toilettes?
Where are the toilets?

3. Vous parlez anglais?
Do you speak English?

[dalesys]

...3. Vous parlez anglais?...

Could be reformulated to:
"Will you admit to speaking English?"
... in certain areas to the north where I have distant ancestry. (1630s through 1840s)

[EricKei]

Chuck - I had an employer/owner give me the "I don't pay you to think" line once before. Thing is, as the time, I was doing the office's tech support, doing tech support for customers on their accounting packages (and, by extension, on Windows itself) -- which often meant efficiently figuring out which of half a dozen meanings a vague error message really had, and maintaining their out-of-date websites. So...YES, I'd say it really WAS my job to think!

[Shotgun Chuck]

Chuck - I had an employer/owner give me the "I don't pay you to think" line once before. Thing is, as the time, I was doing the office's tech support, doing tech support for customers on their accounting packages (and, by extension, on Windows itself) -- which often meant efficiently figuring out which of half a dozen meanings a vague error message really had, and maintaining their out-of-date websites. So...YES, I'd say it really WAS my job to think!

Really, all that phrase means is "shut down your common sense and be a robot".

In my case, he was referring to my failure to do something that 1. I'd never been told to do, and 2. was a completely stupid and unnecessary time suck. If I say "I didn't think I had to" it really means "I was never told" but that's just the way I say it. Anyway, when I said that, that's when he busted that line out. I suppose it's less my job than it was yours, but it's still a sure sign of micromanagement in progress.

[mjr]

My maternal grandfather (Czech descent) tells a story of when he was in school. High school, I believe.

He said one day in class some girls were talking about him in Czech. I guess they figured he didn't know it. He leans into them and says either "Vím, co říkáte" (I know what you are saying) or "Rozumím ti" (I understand you). Those are rough translations, as I am not a Czech speaker.

Anyway, he said the girls got really embarrassed by it.

[Shalom]

Gotta watch out with those languages. Never know who'll understand you.

There's a few stories I've heard along these lines, I've told them here before so won't write them out again, but the thread is here. My story is halfway down page 2 in that thread.

arg. I've been on Reddit lately. Different style of markup there, I had to remember how to quote urls here.

[El Pollo Guerrera]

Shalom, your link doesn't work. I tried.

Re: languages... I had a co-worker who would spend time on the phone talking to his mother in German about how important he was, how much he was relied on, how the boss depends on him, etc., all while the boss was in earshot... not knowing that the boss spoke fluent German...

[VComps]

I know a little French, just enough to make myself understood, plus a few swears and insults. The three phrases you need to know are as follows.

1. Je voudrais un biere/vin blanc/vin rouge s'il vous plait.
I would like a beer/white wine/red wine please.

2. Ou est la toilettes?
Where are the toilets?

Should be "Où sont les toilettes"

3. Vous parlez anglais?
Do you speak English?

While that would be understood by most French speakers, it would be kind of the equivalent of someone coming up to you and saying "speak you English?"

To form it as a question it should be "parlez-vous Anglais?"

Perhaps unsurprisingly, you nailed the requests for booze.

[Shalom]

Shalom, your link doesn't work. I tried.

Sorry bout that. it was missing an h at the beginning. I've fixed it. http://customerssuck.com/board/showthread.php?t=57339

[Crossbow]

My college roommate told a story where he was living in Myanmar (Burma at the time) with his dad (cultural attache). At the time, it was rather uncommon to see westerners in the country, and even more uncommon for them to speak Burmese. However, my friend's father was quite fluent.

At one point, a young local child turned to his mother and said in Burmese "Mom! Look at the funny looking man!" My friend's father turned to the child and said, in perfect Burmese, "I understood what you said, and I think you are a very rude little boy."

Apparently the kid nearly wet himself.

[XCashier]

Honey, I spent 4 years of my life and roped nearly my entire school into helping build a Viking Longship all because my history teacher claimed that other cultures weren't worth studying and that they were all a bunch of barbarians anyway. Then we took said ship and raided the teacher's end of year beach party that they had every year.

I don't suppose you have any pictures of the Longship you could post here?

Your history teacher was a twit. If I'd been your teacher, I would've given everyone involved lots of extra credit and an invite to the local SCA.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Mrs. IA has a degree in French and still speaks it fairly well. She also has an ear for languages and is slowly picking up Spanish. However, since we frequently eat at a certain Chinese restaurant, she has managed to add a few Chinese words to her vocabulary.

Before she retired, the office she working in had a few Chinese contractors. On several occasions she was on an elevator with several of the contractors, who were chatting in Chinese. Upon exiting the elevator she said "Thank you" in Chinese to the one holding the door open. They all had rather shocked looks on their faces.

You don't always need to speak the language. Just giving the impression you do is sometimes sufficient.

[Captain Neon]

My great-great-grandparents emigrated from Norway soon after the War Between the American States. The area they settled Norwegian was the prevalent language. The local Lutheran church still had a Norwegian language service into the 1960s. My great grandfather's preferred language was Norwegian, but spoke English in my lifetime out of necessity because only his son could speak it.

My grandfather grew up speaking Norwegian at home, but his mother made him speak English whenever he was outside the home or conversing with anyone that wasn't family. For that reason, most people did not know that he spoke fluent Norwegian.

He worked as a diesel mechanic as well as a farmer for many years, and a group of gentlemen about his father's age were speaking in Norwegian because they didn't want my grandfather to know what they were saying. If I remember the story correctly, they were willing to pay a certain amount for a tractor that was for sale, but thought they could haggle for less. Before they could start their negotiations, however, my grandfather replied in Norwegian that he would gladly accept their top dollar.

I never learned Norwegian or Irish (I did speak pretty good Spanish 25 years ago), but would be thrilled if my two boys were to learn Norwegian or Gaelic. Both languages are going the way of Latin, IMHO.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Should be "Où sont les toilettes"



While that would be understood by most French speakers, it would be kind of the equivalent of someone coming up to you and saying "speak you English?"

To form it as a question it should be "parlez-vous Anglais?"

Perhaps unsurprisingly, you nailed the requests for booze.

Lol. Requesting booze is the most important one. And hopefully, the mispronunciation would be enough to prompt a French person to switch to English, if only to stop you from further mangling their native language.

[It shouldn't]

I once went on a service call to repair/replace a car ignition cylinder that would not turn. It was after hours, so more expensive and it took me a bit longer to arrive.

The customer had a superiority attitude problem. While I was in the vehicle disassembling her steering column, she proceeded to call her S/O and loudly complain about me in German. Then segued into making fun of me (clothing, looks, etc.), then complain about the price.

I reallly tooook myyyy time on her car. We charged by the hour at time and a half.

I never told her that I grew up in Germany, but as I was driving away I did a jovial wave and wished her "Auf Nicht Wiedersehen."