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Human Pinata #2. Or, Here We Go Again.

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  • Human Pinata #2. Or, Here We Go Again.

    Those of you who have been members for a while will certainly remember the story of my friend, Tiny Dancer, from a few years ago. (Those of you who are not familiar with this story, please be forewarned that it is very, very depressing. As is what is about to follow.)

    Well, it seems like history is repeating itself.

    It seems that one of my coworkers, "Olga," is the victim of an abusive husband. I knew she was married, but it wasn't until the other day that I found out her husband (who by all accounts I've heard is way beyond batshit crazy) is very abusive towards her. In the last few weeks, he's intentionally broken her computer, her iPad, and her phone. At least one of them (I can't remember which) he broke over her.

    And apparently he beats her, but in ways that are not visible to the public. (Apparently her back is one of his favorite targets.) They've been married for three years, I think, and she is still with him. She says she is moving out within the month, but her conviction on this point is not exactly what one would call overwhelming. When asked why she is still with him, she says things like "I love him" and "I'm addicted to him." Intellectually, she knows that this is stupid, but yet, she continues on.

    Not all of my coworkers know about this. Olga made me promise not to tell anyone. And I won't.

    "But Jester, you've GOT to tell the authorities!" Really? Towards what end? First, I don't know his name or where they live. Secondly, I don't have any hard evidence of this. Finally, and this is important, if she is not willing to go to the authorities herself, or even leave the guy, what good would someone else reporting it do? If anything, it could do more harm than good. She would know, for example, that I (or someone else) betrayed the promise given her. And it might entrench her further into staying with him, rather than finally making the break and getting the fuck out.

    My one coworker and I have told her that this could very well end up with her death. I have told her about Tiny Dancer, and much to my surprise, she told me she knew about the story, as a couple of my coworkers who were around back then have related the story to her.

    I fear that sometime soon, I will see yet another lovely young lady leave this world violently.

    The cold impersonal side of me is thankful that this is not someone that is a close friend of mine who I've known for years. And in that sense, whatever happens will not affect me as much as the tragedy of Tiny Dancer did. That being said, I really don't want to stand by and watch this happen yet again. Towards that end, I have told Olga that if she needs help in any of this, any of her moving out, etc., etc., to let me know. Yes, against all better judgment, I am willing to put myself in the eye of the storm yet again. Possibly going up against a violent, psychopathic, convicted felon....if that sounds at all familiar. Although, since Olga and I are NOT really close, I don't know if she would actually come to me for that much help, as TD did.

    I hate guys like this. I know in CS.com we are not supposed to condone violence against people, but I wish nothing but violence, pain, and suffering for this Grade A douchebag. Men like this who assert their manhood by beating on women who are half their size are anything but men, and should be made to suffer the worst punishments that can be devised. That is my firmly held opinion, and one I will not apologize for, ever.

    I'm sorry if this brought up any bad memories or bad experiences for anyone. I truly am. But I had to share with someone, and since I promised her not to tell anyone about this, I figured I could share it here, where all the players are anonymous, and you folks are not people she knows. I figure that does not violate the spirit of the promise.

    I really hate this shit.

    "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
    Still A Customer."


  • #2
    Quoth Jester View Post
    I hate guys like this. I know in CS.com we are not supposed to condone violence against people, but I wish nothing but violence, pain, and suffering for this Grade A douchebag. Men like this who assert their manhood by beating on women who are half their size are anything but men, and should be made to suffer the worst punishments that can be devised. That is my firmly held opinion, and one I will not apologize for, ever.
    There is only one problem I have with the above, though you did set the record straight. I've high lighted it. We can not call these .. things men..can't even call them animal names like pigs, etc .. that insults men and animals. Other then that..right there with you. There is only one thing worse in my eyes .. and that is those who harm children.
    Engaged to the amazing Marmalady. She is my Silver Dragon, shining as bright as the sun. I her Black Dragon (though good honestly), dark as night..fierce and strong.

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    • #3
      I had a whole dissertation written , but blah.....it may have been offensive so. Deleted it. You're a good friend, Jester. And I Truly pray, this doesn't turn into another Tiny Dancer saga.

      Comment


      • #4
        I'd drive down and be your get away driver if you want to do something impressively antisocial. I was in a physically abusive relationship, and I have both volunteered at a woman's shelter and hidden someone out for a couple weeks until a bed in a shelter opened up.

        I may be handicapped, but I can drive getaway...
        EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

        Comment


        • #5
          Amusingly, one flaw about living in Key West is that, if you are trying to get away from the authorities, the worst thing you can do is drive. Since there is only one road in and one road out....and it goes for over 100 miles. So if you drive out of here to get away, you stand a reaaaallllllyyy good chance of getting caught rather quickly and easily. Best ways to evade the authorities down here in such a situation is either by air, or by boat, or by simply hiding out somewhere they haven't thought to look.

          Just saying.

          "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
          Still A Customer."

          Comment


          • #6
            If she doesn't want to do what it takes to get out of the situation she's in, there's really nothing you can do for her. She knows there's a problem, she's heard about TD (I remember reading the story, and was disgusted by it), and yet doesn't leave. She has to make the decision to get out.
            "Life is tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid" Redd Foxx as Al Royal - The Royal Family - Pilot Episode - 1991.

            Comment


            • #7
              When I saw the title of the thread and who posted it, I was afraid of this.

              I do hope Olga wises up and Tiny Dancer does not become a repeat. Stay strong. She'll need all the help she can get.
              Life is too short to not eat popcorn.
              Save the Ales!
              Toys for Tots at Rooster's Cafe

              Comment


              • #8
                Quoth Jester View Post
                Amusingly, one flaw about living in Key West is that, if you are trying to get away from the authorities, the worst thing you can do is drive. Since there is only one road in and one road out....and it goes for over 100 miles. So if you drive out of here to get away, you stand a reaaaallllllyyy good chance of getting caught rather quickly and easily. Best ways to evade the authorities down here in such a situation is either by air, or by boat, or by simply hiding out somewhere they haven't thought to look.

                Just saying.
                Or you can hide at NAS Key West .. oddly enough I happen to have DOD stickers on my car that lets me into pretty much everything except a nuke storage facility or Groom Lake.

                And in a pinch, I can rent a boat at the MWR pier =)
                EVE Online: 99% of the time you sit around waiting for something to happen, but that 1% of action is what hooks people like crack, you don't get interviewed by the BBC for a WoW raid.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth AccountingDrone View Post

                  Or you can hide at NAS Key West .. oddly enough I happen to have DOD stickers on my car that lets me into pretty much everything except a nuke storage facility or Groom Lake.

                  And in a pinch, I can rent a boat at the MWR pier =)
                  I was thinking that myself. I just can't remember where one of my navy cousins is based right now.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Also, don't forget that a woman being abused is also frequently controlled by their abuser. The mind games the boys in men's bodies play on their victimized women are even more devastating than the blows are. Women don't leave in part because they don't have enough free will left.
                    Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth patiokitty View Post
                      I just hope Olga realizes that she is so fortunate to have somebody like you in her court and makes that final move away from her abusive husband.
                      I don't know how fortunate that really is. TD had me in her court, AND she made the break away from her idiot boyfriend, AND she went through everything that she should have done, including getting help from me and many others in so many ways....and then she went back to him, and within a month or so, she was dead.

                      In Olga's case, she says she is moving out in a month, that she's already located a new place for her to live, that he has no idea where it is, and that she is not going to tell him.

                      Of course, the problem is, as she herself has stated, she still loves him and is "addicted to him." So I don't know if she will actually make that move, and if she does, I don't know that she will stay away from him. And this being the very small town it is, I don't know how long it will be before he finds that place.

                      I am going to be honest....my experience with TD and my observations of similar situations makes me far more pessimistic than optimistic. I hope that Olga gets her head out of her ass and herself out of harm's way and away from this raging douchebag, but I wouldn't bet on it. Don't get me wrong, I will still help her in any way I can, but I can't help someone who won't help themselves, or who won't let me help them. That's just the painful truth about these situations.

                      Quoth AccountingDrone View Post
                      Or you can hide at NAS Key West .. oddly enough I happen to have DOD stickers on my car that lets me into pretty much everything except a nuke storage facility or Groom Lake.

                      And in a pinch, I can rent a boat at the MWR pier =)
                      I am not too worried. If I needed to disappear, I could do so very easily and very quickly. I am a magician, after all.

                      And besides, I have no reason to disappear, as I have not done anything, nor have any plans to do anything that would get me in the kind of trouble that would necessitate my having to disappear.

                      "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                      Still A Customer."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Unfortunately Jester, the cycle of violence just repeats itself. As a social work student who is majoring in abuse cases, I can tell you that time and again this is what happens. I'm gonna leave, I can't take this anymore, wait..he (or she) is being nice; he (she) still loves me. I love him (her) so I'll stay.

                        Then he (she) beats them again and it starts up all over again.

                        I hate it. I despise it. I work with it EVERY day.
                        Remember, stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I escaped from my abuser almost 24 years ago. I had a very close male friend that provided me with protection that I knew my ex could not get past (friend was a Green Beret who was on medical leave). One of the things I did after I got out was I went to the Domestic Violence center to their group sessions to have some where to talk about the issues and to find strength. I ended up helping others that were in the same situation six months after I left when the shelter was full and a woman needed a place to hide.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            having a place picked out is a good step - it sounds like she can financially secure herself a home.

                            if she really does this, I would personally suggest she fortify her home against intrusion. Cos if he really is abusive he might try (and succeed) to find out where she is. Massad Ayoob - Home Defense could be an excellent house-warming gift. (especially since one of the suggestions - the hurricane shudders - wouldn't look out of place in KW).

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I should add that one of the things she told me that makes this situation really bad is that she was told that if she doesn't get out and away from him soon, he will kill her..... by his mother.

                              When your own mother is saying you're a violent psychopath, chances are good that you're a violent psychopath.

                              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                              Still A Customer."

                              Comment

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