"This is what you're going to do"

[Food Lady]

he said a couple of times. Yeaahh, how about no. Long story short this guy needed a receipt for a product they get from a gov't. agency for which our system is the conduit. It's weird and I could explain but since we invented what we lease I can't lest I reveal where I work. It's purchased by credit card so it shows on their credit card statement and I can see the transaction in my live system. There is no receipt printed. It's a money product, not a physical one. The only thing I can do is send an email stating the transaction details (amount, form of payment, time stamp, etc) with my name on it coming from us. This is not good enough for his bosses who require a report on this. I cannot screenshot our system for him. I could be fired for that. So he is not happy but is being professional and somewhat patient as I go through options. Finally he asks for a supervisor.

I get one of the girls in charge to come over but she doesn't want to take the call until she can come up with something. He's waiting patiently. She goes and speaks to her higher-up and they are on the other side of the building so they are messaging me. We are all trying to come up with anything we can because this guy is catching flack from his bosses and of course we don't want that. We don't hate our customers.

They have an idea: there's a tracking program that will work because a report can be downloaded. I find the instructions on our website and send him a link. He recognizes it as something he's tried before and couldn't get it to work. He tries again and it doesn't. It's really the only thing he can do.

This is when he turns on me. I get that he's frustrated but he gave me the title line. He told me I was going to get someone to make a receipt and email it. There. is. no. way. to. do. that. He says if we don't they will end their contract which is up soon. I tell him that I can't guarantee he will get anything and that my noting the account will not end the contract. He will have to call and cancel. He says he understands that and repeats his demand. We end the call.

I note it angrily, communicate with the manager, take some inflammatory words out of it, and close the ticket with no resolution.

Thousands and thousands run through our system every day. We are not going to create receipts for all those. If you use our credit product you get a statement, same as a credit card statement. If you use a pre-loaded account there's no receipt either. You see it on your bank statement and cancelled check. If it's paid by bank draft there is still no receipt. Again, it's on your statement. I totally know how weird it sounds, but it is not a physical commodity and it's not actually being purchased from us. I can't make the system do something it's not programmed to do. Ordering me will not create a document out of thin air.

[notalwaysright]

If I'm told "this is what you're going to do" it pushes a little button I have. Once this button is pressed, I would throw myself off a cliff before doing whatever this person wants.

[Slave to the Phone]

^^^

This, a million times this.

[Monterey Jack]

The phrase in the thread title should always immediately be answered by a very bored-sounding, "Oh, you can predict the future, can you...?"

[Jetfire]

Want to bet that whoever in His company would get this 'receipt' would also be perfectly fine receiving the Credit Statement as Proof of Purchase; but somewhere along the chain of evidence, a requirement that "It has to be a Receipt" got added and no one in between knows enough to acknowledge the Statement is receipt enough?

And yeah, I'm not in CS, but that sort of statement (and implied tone) is a hotbutton issue that is sure to get just about anyone to shut down and do anything BUT what you want to do.

[bainsidhe]

Want to bet that whoever in His company would get this 'receipt' would also be perfectly fine receiving the Credit Statement as Proof of Purchase;

Totally agree. Usually when a business asks for a "receipt", they're often just looking for a formal document that says the amount of the charge and what it was for. Still, you get customers that get "locked in" to how they think something should work, and then you and the customer spend needless time being aggravated and jumping through hoops.

I know this is a Customer Suck, but from other stories I've read, the OP's entire billing system is jacked up. What a pain to work with.

[TheSHAD0W]

Your company should beware, this might come back to bite them. IIRC most credit card companies require businesses taking cards to produce at least an electronic receipt, showing the date and time of purchase, the amount and the transaction verification code. If someone makes a complaint with their card issuer it might affect your company's ability to take credit payments.

[MoonCat]

This reminds me of when customers would call saying "I got a statement but I didn't get an invoice from you."

After determining that we did, in fact, produce TWO very slightly different documents in certain cases, I would ask the customer, "What does it say at the top?"

And 9 times out of 10 they would reply, "It says 'invoice statement'."

"Okay," I would say, "and at the bottom, does it say 'balance due' and an amount?"

Again, 9 times out of 10, the answer would be yes, and they would repeat the amount stated on the "invoice statement."

Well, there you go, bucko! If you can't figure out what you owe from that, I can't help you!

[Food Lady]

Your company should beware, this might come back to bite them. IIRC most credit card companies require businesses taking cards to produce at least an electronic receipt, showing the date and time of purchase, the amount and the transaction verification code. If someone makes a complaint with their card issuer it might affect your company's ability to take credit payments.

Fortunately in this instance they can only use a credit card if they have a particular equipment model. It's being phased out.

[TheWolfEmperor]

If I'm told "this is what you're going to do" it pushes a little button I have. Once this button is pressed, I would throw myself off a cliff before doing whatever this person wants.

Better yet, throw that person off the cliff.

[emax4]

"Let me get you over to HR. They can guide you through our online application. When you get so far that you become my boss, THEN the words you said will ring true. Until then, this is what's going to happen..."

[silvertingle]

A credit card statement is basically a receipt, right? Anyway, I totally would have lost my mind dealing with that, especially since he seemed so calm and collected to start the conversation.

[Sparklyturtle]

Once a long time ago I agreed to transcribe some interviews for the hospital's QA manager. He brought me 25 hours of interviews right before the end of my shift, and told me he wanted them by the following day. I said, "That's not going to happen." He said, "Yes, it is." I said, "No, it isn't," and went on to explain that it's impossible to transcribe 25 hours' worth of interviews in less than 24 hours. After both my boss and I told him he'd get the interviews when he'd get them he stomped out of the office, declaring he was going to go to the hospital commander (this was a military hospital). The next morning I had an early dental appointment, and when I got to my office I heard that he had shown up at 8 a.m. and had had a major fit that I wasn't there working on his interviews. He then took my (personal) dictaphone, headphone, and other equipment I'd brought from home to do these interviews to his office to find someone else to do the work, "since she's being so uncooperative." I went to his office and got my personal equipment back, and while I was there he demanded to know why I hadn't told him about my appointment. I pointed out that my boss knew, and I didn't tell him because he wasn't my boss. That was pretty much the tone of our relationship through the entire project, until the hospital commander told him to stop bothering me and let me finish. (I heard that from the hospital commander's secretary.) Telling me, "this is what you're going to do" is a good way to get your tapes handed back with me saying, "When Hell freezes over."

[Dragon_Dreamer]

I would have had him charged with theft for taking your personal equipment away.

[Chanlin]

Sparklyturtle, you were supposed to requisition a TARDIS for that situation. Or maybe a time turner...