No, I will not pay for your purchase!

[ShinyGreenApple]

This is one that gets really annoying after a while, somewhat akin to "If it doesn't scan, it's free, hyuck hyuck!"

My boss requires me to ask each patient picking up medications if they have any questions for the pharmacist. Most people just say no, or take me up on it and I call one of the Rphs over for a consultation. Others are complete morons and start asking ME medical questions when I am clearly just a register jockey. But the one that gets me the most . . .

"Yeah, is he gonna pay for this today?" or "No, but I got one for you. You gonna pay for this today?"

FUCK. YOU. This is not funny. This is not cute, or clever, or witty or in any way, shape, or form entertaining. It's YOUR crap, you don't even wanna cough up the dough for it. I don't know you. We aren't friends. We aren't family. Why would I want to? What would it benefit the pharmacist if he paid out of his own pocket to buy people scrips that HE filled?

WHY do people insist on asking this? Or for the six winning lotto numbers. It's a small thing, but after hearing it half a dozen times a day, and usually from the same people who then laugh at themselves for it, I get stabby. Sometimes I'll tell them "Sure, if you take care of my truck payment this month. It's $400. Sound like a fair trade off?" Oddly enough, this usually shuts them up pretty good.

[starsinthesky]

They all think they are oh so clever, because surely no one has ever thought of asking that before.

[Food Lady]

I ask if they have coupons, and they say no and ask "Do YOU have any for meeee?" I used to get annoyed, but now I apologetically say I'm sorry we don't have any extras, before I go into my looong spiel about allll the places you can get coupons from. Sooo many options....

[HawaiianShirts]

I'd like to say that's a new one. I can say that, for me anyway, that's a rare one. I only had one computer customer try the are-you-going-to-pay-for-it-for-me joke, and my response was simply, "Ha! You wish!" It wasn't the laugh he was hoping for, but he seemed satisfied with that and didn't have any more dumb comments of questions afterward.

It's YOUR crap, you don't even wanna cough up the dough for it.

While most of them are just failing at an attempt to be funny, I think that this might be something of a commentary on our society. I've encountered some people who genuinely think, "It's not MY fault I got sick, so why should I have to pay to get better?" I'd be curious if pharmacy staff also see this attitude in their customers who are not trying to be funny.

[BowserKoopa1]

My clever response back to them would be "Tell you what, mister.... Slip me a $50 dollar bill, and I'll give it to you for free." Or "Sure I'll give it to you for free.... When pigs fly."

[Trixie]

When I get that customer I usually just throw out a fake chuckle and say "If it was up to me.." and another fake chuckle. Then they usually have to explain to me it was a joke. Hey, if you have to explain it's a joke, it's not a joke.

[pzychobitch]

WHY do people insist on asking this? Or for the six winning lotto numbers. It's a small thing, but after hearing it half a dozen times a day, and usually from the same people who then laugh at themselves for it, I get stabby. Sometimes I'll tell them "Sure, if you take care of my truck payment this month. It's $400. Sound like a fair trade off?" Oddly enough, this usually shuts them up pretty good.

I find this also helps: using the full price of what you owe on the car.

[MoonCat]

I get that on the phone when I ask for the customer's credit card numbers.

"Oh, just use yours." Or some variation of that, followed by a laugh.

My usual answer: "I don't have one." Which is true.

[PatchO'Black]

I've said it before: All sales people and cashiers should be given a series of notebooks with the pages filled with hash marks, and these over-used "jokes" on the front covers. Then, whenever a person uses that joke, they make a show of dragging out the notebook, flipping through the full pages, then finally adding one more hash mark before putting the notebook back away.

[Seshat]

Tired, worn-out tone of voice. "Oh, that's a new one."

[Pixilated]

Tired, worn-out tone of voice. "Oh, that's a new one."

Or ... freeze with panicked look ... "OH NO! I don't think so!"

[BrenDAnn]

I usually go with one of two responses, depending on the customer and my mood when they throw the "are you buying today?" line at me. The first is to look at them and deadpan in the most uninterested voice ever "No." The second, and rarer, is a kill-them-with-kindness "Oh I'm sorry, no, not today." Keep in mind, most of my customers are the same people over and over every day, and they love their joking around. A lot. Still, the whole "it's free/are you paying" thing gets old, very quickly.

[KhirasHY]

I admit, I do ask smartass questions...but I try to be original at least. I tend to get more genuine laughs and smiles when I reply "Can I have a pony?"

[VComps]

I had a customer today ask for a discount on an item that was already on sale for over $100 off. When I said no, he said, "how about $10 off?"

I told him that I would do it if he would be willing to pay my salary after I lose my job for doing the discount - definitely took the wind out of his sails!

Funny thing is, I'm actually one of the managers of that department, so it actually WAS within my discretion to give him the discount, but why the Christ should I? (Good thing I forgot my name badge, or the jig would have been up!)

[XCashier]

I'd love to have a tally board hanging behind my register.

WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING |||| |||| |||
DOESN'T SCAN, MUST BE FREE |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||
SITTING DOWN ON THE JOB AGAIN |||| |||| |||| ||||
WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS/TICKET |||| |||| |