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Gaki's thread reminds me of a situation that happened down on the retail plantation several years ago. Gather 'round the campfire, and get ready for the second installment of Bob's Classic Stories!
Our retail plantation was also one of those that had a gas station that shared Retail Plantation's name. Some guy was pitching a fit about the gas he was supposedly shorted on, so I was the lucky slave that got to go out and check the pump before LP could get there.
I walk in to let my CW who was working the till out at the gas station that gas had already been pumped. The amount he'd originally paid had been programmed into the pump, and the screen on the pump confirmed that the gas had already been dispensed. It was unlikely this was from another transaction because the pumps reset back to $0/0 gallons after the customer drives off. The guy was trying to get double the amount he'd paid. The security camera footage confirmed this.
Well, this wasn't enough for this guy, and he started yelling at CW and I. CW, a girl who was about my age, looked as if she'd just seen a ghost.
SC: "I WANT MY FUCKING GAS, YOU IDIOTS! THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!" He proceeded to turn around and knock over a tall metal rack (about 6' tall or so) of those little car air fresheners you hang on your center mirror. That's when I lost all patience.
I had already had a pretty shitty day, so I let the guy have it. I really didn't care what I said. All that mattered was I got my point across and tried to speak as best I could for both CW and myself.
Me: "Sir, first of all, I'm going to have to ask you to shut your mouth. I don't know what barn you were raised in, but yelling at me or my CW at the top of your lungs isn't going to get you shit. Secondly, you just turned over that display in front of about 5 cameras and all these customers. When the police and my LP officer from the store get here, we should have no problem adding a disturbing the peace charge to the harassment and attempted theft you've already caused. I suggest you watch it."
The guy continues his screaming tirade. He doesn't look fazed.
SC: "LISTEN HERE, YOU FUCKWIT! I PAID FOR GAS THAT I DIDN'T GET! FIX IT OR ELSE!"
Me: "Okay, sir--no, wait. You're way past getting respect from me. I don't call assholes 'sir.' Let me start again. Listen up, doucherocket, and you'd best shut the hell up when I'm talking to you because you've worn my patience about as thin as it gets. Let's get a couple things straight. One: I don't have the skill necessary to fix the fact that your parents must've dropped you on your head as a child. Two: I checked the pump on my way in. It shows $20 has been pumped, which would have to be what you've already pumped."
SC: "THIS FUCKTARD *points to CW* TOOK MY MONEY AND DIDN'T GIVE ME MY GAS! I NEVER GOT MY GAS!"
*sigh* Did this idiot not just process what I asked him? Did he not hear me tell him the pump showed where CW had programmed him in for the exact amount he authorized, and that authorization was fulfilled already?
Me: "Okay, dude. I've been called 'idiot' and 'fucktard' and 'asswipe' so many times by people like you that it doesn't affect me, but my CW's are off-limits. Do you understand me? CW did nothing wrong. She authorized your card for the amount of gas you wanted, programmed it into the pump, and you pumped it. This is all on you, sorry to say. You can either shut the hell up, or I'll be happy to tell the police everything when they get here." (Added note: they were going to get told anyway. LP didn't get there immediately because they were watching the guy's every move on camera and relaying it in real-time to the police.)
SC: "BUT I NEVER GOT MY GAS!"
Me: "Is there an echo chamber in here? Seriously, dude. This conversation is over. I'm going to go see what I can do about this."
SC: "YOU'D BETTER GIVE ME MY GAS OR ELSE! YOU ALL BETTER WATCH YOUR BACKS! I HAVE A GUN!"
Me: "Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it."
SC: "YEAH? WELL--I--I LEFT IT AT HOME, BUT I'LL BE BACK!"
Of course I brushed off his little threat for the time being. I'm smart enough to know that the only ammunition he had that night were his words. If he truly was carrying a gun, it was the smallest gun in the world. This shit had taken a turn for the worse at this point, so I called Awesome LP Guy 2 after I'd walked into the gas station office. We'll call him "J". J is a big, burly dude who can take any shoplifter or ill-intentioned asshole down in one fell swoop. I know this to be fact. I witnessed it once. It was awesome.
J: "Hello, this is J."
Me: "Hi, J. It's Bob."
J: "Oh, Bob! I thought you'd never call! We're enjoying this show in our office. What's going on?"
Me: "Well, J, all this guy is doing is throwing around insults at me and <CW's name> and demanding gas he says he never got, but the pump shows he already got his gas. And J--and I'm not entirely sure how serious this asshole is about this--but he said he was coming back with a gun later."
J: "*turns away to Awesome LP Guy 1* 'Yo, ALPG1, tell the cops that this guy just threatened to shoot up our gas station.' Hey, Bob?"
Me: "Yeah, J?"
J: "That's bullshit. This asshat has gone on long enough. ALPG1 is going to stay here in the store office and keep telling the cops what's going on until they get there. I'm heading out to the gas station right now. Go back out there and keep <CW's name> safe."
Me: "Sounds like a plan."
J: "Oh, and Bob? The gas station cameras have sound."
Me:
J: "Don't worry, man. If any of this comes back to bite you in the ass, I'll stick up for you. I'd have said much worse! See you in five minutes."
I went back out and stood with CW. SC kept hurling insults and causing a disturbance, but I really didn't care. This guy was about to get nailed. LP had seen (and heard) everything.
Not long after, several officers showed up from the neighboring town. As soon as they walked in, they could see the display the guy turned over blocking one of the double doors. One officer pulled his handcuffs out of his belt and tried to nab the guy, but of course doucherocket supreme had to resist arrest and hurl insults at the police while all this was happening. I stayed at the gas station until they'd finally cuffed the guy, and then I had to get back to being a cart slave. It was Friday night, after all, and my lot was starting to look like shit.
No sooner than 45 minutes later, the guy was guided through the store in cuffs to go back to the LP office and review the footage, as was standard procedure. On the way out of the store, one of the officers saw me straightening the carts and approached me. I'd assumed he wanted to get a witness statement from me.
Officer: "Say, kid, weren't you the employee that took care of the guy out at the gas station?"
Me: "Yes, sir. What can I do for you? Do you need a statement? I can give you one if you want. Whatever you need."
Officer: "No. Your words in the footage are enough for us! Say, what I really wanted to talk to you about was *leans in a bit*, you know, that little lady out there at the gas station."
Me, thinking: "Hmm. Wonder where this is going..."
Officer: "I think you oughtta ask the little lady out on a date. This is off the record, of course, but she thinks you're a hero."
Me: "*gulps* Shit! Oh--sorry, officer. Didn't mean to say that! So, what exactly did she say--off the record and all? I didn't do anything. I just tried to keep the guy from getting any more violent is all."
Officer: "No need to apologize. That part's confidential. What I can tell you is she really appreciated you standing up for her. Said she thought it was real nice of you and she admired your courage."
Me: "*laughs* Well, I won't give you my life story or anything, but I'm not a ladies' man! There's no way that would be possible."
Officer: "Kid, trust me on this one. Give it a shot. *other officer radios him* Say, I've gotta go. They're putting this numbskull that caused you so much trouble in my car. I'm sure I'll be seeing you around. Take care, kid."
Me: "Thanks, officer, and good luck!"
Officer: "I'll be fine. Good luck to you!"
I hate to end stories with mixed endings, but this is one of those stories!
When it comes to the asshat SC, he was locked up for I don't know how long. Seems the cops thought he was a danger to society (I wonder what gave them that impression?
) and felt putting him behind bars would be the best outcome for everybody. In that time, not only did he get banned from our store/gas station, he was banned from every store/gas station our district manager had. His car had plates for a county north of us, so I'm guessing he wouldn't have been back to our neck of the woods, anyway. DM understood this and just put down a blanket ban on the guy so this didn't happen anywhere else. Good call.
As I'm never one to question the Boys in Blue, I also took the officer's advice and asked CW out on a date one night after work. We were pretty good friends, so I didn't think it would hurt. CW accepted, and we went to junior prom together. I had fun, but turns out she got a boyfriend the week before prom and texted him the whole prom.
We're still friends, but she changed as a person (got into hard illegal substances, pretty much), so we haven't talked much since that time.
The retail plantation used to be fun like this. Too bad it's not the same today!
Our retail plantation was also one of those that had a gas station that shared Retail Plantation's name. Some guy was pitching a fit about the gas he was supposedly shorted on, so I was the lucky slave that got to go out and check the pump before LP could get there.
I walk in to let my CW who was working the till out at the gas station that gas had already been pumped. The amount he'd originally paid had been programmed into the pump, and the screen on the pump confirmed that the gas had already been dispensed. It was unlikely this was from another transaction because the pumps reset back to $0/0 gallons after the customer drives off. The guy was trying to get double the amount he'd paid. The security camera footage confirmed this.
Well, this wasn't enough for this guy, and he started yelling at CW and I. CW, a girl who was about my age, looked as if she'd just seen a ghost.
SC: "I WANT MY FUCKING GAS, YOU IDIOTS! THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT!" He proceeded to turn around and knock over a tall metal rack (about 6' tall or so) of those little car air fresheners you hang on your center mirror. That's when I lost all patience.
I had already had a pretty shitty day, so I let the guy have it. I really didn't care what I said. All that mattered was I got my point across and tried to speak as best I could for both CW and myself.
Me: "Sir, first of all, I'm going to have to ask you to shut your mouth. I don't know what barn you were raised in, but yelling at me or my CW at the top of your lungs isn't going to get you shit. Secondly, you just turned over that display in front of about 5 cameras and all these customers. When the police and my LP officer from the store get here, we should have no problem adding a disturbing the peace charge to the harassment and attempted theft you've already caused. I suggest you watch it."
The guy continues his screaming tirade. He doesn't look fazed.
SC: "LISTEN HERE, YOU FUCKWIT! I PAID FOR GAS THAT I DIDN'T GET! FIX IT OR ELSE!"
Me: "Okay, sir--no, wait. You're way past getting respect from me. I don't call assholes 'sir.' Let me start again. Listen up, doucherocket, and you'd best shut the hell up when I'm talking to you because you've worn my patience about as thin as it gets. Let's get a couple things straight. One: I don't have the skill necessary to fix the fact that your parents must've dropped you on your head as a child. Two: I checked the pump on my way in. It shows $20 has been pumped, which would have to be what you've already pumped."
SC: "THIS FUCKTARD *points to CW* TOOK MY MONEY AND DIDN'T GIVE ME MY GAS! I NEVER GOT MY GAS!"
*sigh* Did this idiot not just process what I asked him? Did he not hear me tell him the pump showed where CW had programmed him in for the exact amount he authorized, and that authorization was fulfilled already?
Me: "Okay, dude. I've been called 'idiot' and 'fucktard' and 'asswipe' so many times by people like you that it doesn't affect me, but my CW's are off-limits. Do you understand me? CW did nothing wrong. She authorized your card for the amount of gas you wanted, programmed it into the pump, and you pumped it. This is all on you, sorry to say. You can either shut the hell up, or I'll be happy to tell the police everything when they get here." (Added note: they were going to get told anyway. LP didn't get there immediately because they were watching the guy's every move on camera and relaying it in real-time to the police.)
SC: "BUT I NEVER GOT MY GAS!"
Me: "Is there an echo chamber in here? Seriously, dude. This conversation is over. I'm going to go see what I can do about this."
SC: "YOU'D BETTER GIVE ME MY GAS OR ELSE! YOU ALL BETTER WATCH YOUR BACKS! I HAVE A GUN!"
Me: "Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it."
SC: "YEAH? WELL--I--I LEFT IT AT HOME, BUT I'LL BE BACK!"
Of course I brushed off his little threat for the time being. I'm smart enough to know that the only ammunition he had that night were his words. If he truly was carrying a gun, it was the smallest gun in the world. This shit had taken a turn for the worse at this point, so I called Awesome LP Guy 2 after I'd walked into the gas station office. We'll call him "J". J is a big, burly dude who can take any shoplifter or ill-intentioned asshole down in one fell swoop. I know this to be fact. I witnessed it once. It was awesome.
J: "Hello, this is J."
Me: "Hi, J. It's Bob."
J: "Oh, Bob! I thought you'd never call! We're enjoying this show in our office. What's going on?"
Me: "Well, J, all this guy is doing is throwing around insults at me and <CW's name> and demanding gas he says he never got, but the pump shows he already got his gas. And J--and I'm not entirely sure how serious this asshole is about this--but he said he was coming back with a gun later."
J: "*turns away to Awesome LP Guy 1* 'Yo, ALPG1, tell the cops that this guy just threatened to shoot up our gas station.' Hey, Bob?"
Me: "Yeah, J?"
J: "That's bullshit. This asshat has gone on long enough. ALPG1 is going to stay here in the store office and keep telling the cops what's going on until they get there. I'm heading out to the gas station right now. Go back out there and keep <CW's name> safe."
Me: "Sounds like a plan."
J: "Oh, and Bob? The gas station cameras have sound."
Me:
J: "Don't worry, man. If any of this comes back to bite you in the ass, I'll stick up for you. I'd have said much worse! See you in five minutes."
I went back out and stood with CW. SC kept hurling insults and causing a disturbance, but I really didn't care. This guy was about to get nailed. LP had seen (and heard) everything.
Not long after, several officers showed up from the neighboring town. As soon as they walked in, they could see the display the guy turned over blocking one of the double doors. One officer pulled his handcuffs out of his belt and tried to nab the guy, but of course doucherocket supreme had to resist arrest and hurl insults at the police while all this was happening. I stayed at the gas station until they'd finally cuffed the guy, and then I had to get back to being a cart slave. It was Friday night, after all, and my lot was starting to look like shit.
No sooner than 45 minutes later, the guy was guided through the store in cuffs to go back to the LP office and review the footage, as was standard procedure. On the way out of the store, one of the officers saw me straightening the carts and approached me. I'd assumed he wanted to get a witness statement from me.
Officer: "Say, kid, weren't you the employee that took care of the guy out at the gas station?"
Me: "Yes, sir. What can I do for you? Do you need a statement? I can give you one if you want. Whatever you need."
Officer: "No. Your words in the footage are enough for us! Say, what I really wanted to talk to you about was *leans in a bit*, you know, that little lady out there at the gas station."
Me, thinking: "Hmm. Wonder where this is going..."
Officer: "I think you oughtta ask the little lady out on a date. This is off the record, of course, but she thinks you're a hero."
Me: "*gulps* Shit! Oh--sorry, officer. Didn't mean to say that! So, what exactly did she say--off the record and all? I didn't do anything. I just tried to keep the guy from getting any more violent is all."
Officer: "No need to apologize. That part's confidential. What I can tell you is she really appreciated you standing up for her. Said she thought it was real nice of you and she admired your courage."
Me: "*laughs* Well, I won't give you my life story or anything, but I'm not a ladies' man! There's no way that would be possible."
Officer: "Kid, trust me on this one. Give it a shot. *other officer radios him* Say, I've gotta go. They're putting this numbskull that caused you so much trouble in my car. I'm sure I'll be seeing you around. Take care, kid."
Me: "Thanks, officer, and good luck!"
Officer: "I'll be fine. Good luck to you!"
I hate to end stories with mixed endings, but this is one of those stories!
When it comes to the asshat SC, he was locked up for I don't know how long. Seems the cops thought he was a danger to society (I wonder what gave them that impression?
) and felt putting him behind bars would be the best outcome for everybody. In that time, not only did he get banned from our store/gas station, he was banned from every store/gas station our district manager had. His car had plates for a county north of us, so I'm guessing he wouldn't have been back to our neck of the woods, anyway. DM understood this and just put down a blanket ban on the guy so this didn't happen anywhere else. Good call.As I'm never one to question the Boys in Blue, I also took the officer's advice and asked CW out on a date one night after work. We were pretty good friends, so I didn't think it would hurt. CW accepted, and we went to junior prom together. I had fun, but turns out she got a boyfriend the week before prom and texted him the whole prom.
We're still friends, but she changed as a person (got into hard illegal substances, pretty much), so we haven't talked much since that time.The retail plantation used to be fun like this. Too bad it's not the same today!
I wish I'd have known about this board when these stories were new. I've got a couple more, but they're pretty unexciting. I'll save them for now.
In this context, a "gun" is standard equipment for half the population, and is exempt from local laws governing firearms.
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