Losing my mind here

[Cookie]

I've just got to dump. I'm at the point where I don't know how much more I can take.

My husband and I both came out of situations where we left our parents' homes with not all of our possessions and anywhere from $50 - $100 each to our names. This was also around the time we started dating. (We were really off on the right foot there, huh?) We ended up going to the same school, we put our student housing on our loans so we'd have a roof over our heads and from a connection I had, we both got jobs at a grocery store.

Long story short, he had an injury at the store where he landed directly on his back. He already had scoliosis, but this did a number on him. The incident report was falsified, he was given a list of clinics that were either out of business or wouldn't take worker's comp cases. We didn't know our rights at the time and were terrified of losing our jobs. After taking it up with management repeatedly, they wouldn't do anything to fix it. He wasn't even SEEN by a doctor. He got NO care whatsoever. We're going to talk to a lawyer now to see if we have any way of pursuing this, but I'm not hopeful. I don't think we have a way of proving what happened, but it's worth asking for an expert opinion.

It turns out right now, we're not doing as well financially as we thought, so what little care he was FINALLY starting to get to address the issues from that work injury has to be put on hold. We have a massive insurance deductible to meet before they'll cover any of it, so I'm an utterly stressed, crying mess today.

Some of you may have seen my depression help thread in Life Advice. I'm going through a book that is helping, not just reading, but good writing exercises to help break things down and heal. Another thing I've found that really helps me is to throw myself into my baking. The financial crunch is putting a stop to a lot of that. Yeah, I'll keep making our breads because that saves us money, but no extra treats. There goes part of my therapy.

I didn't want to talk about why I was depressed before, but I'm starting to come to terms with it now. I came across some court documents about my biological father and to make a long story short, all evidence points to me being raped by my biological father when I was 4. My case was thrown out, and everyone who knew the evidence was shocked. A lot points to corruption and small town politics. Knowing what I said after I came home from visitation that time and what I told the social worker, there aren't many ways to interpret it. A four year old doesn't know what to call it, but it was pretty descriptive.

So yeah, I find this out on my own because nobody thought it was a good idea to tell me. I'm sorting through what this means and putting it in its proper place so I can just keep living. All I want in this is to keep living. I was before I knew, and I've just got to put everything in its proper place so I can continue to do so.

For the record, my biological father is serving an 18 year jail term for doing the same to another little girl. She was 6 when he was caught and it had been going on for 2 years. It gives the past case all the more credibility.

Also, I want the man I love to stop hurting. It's KILLING me to see him hurt. It's draining on him. I take care of him as much as I can and I just want to take it all away. I'd rather be the one hurting.

I don't expect solutions to any of this from the forum, but thoughts and prayers would be very much appreciated.

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs lots* I wish I had more.

[Elspeth]

*many many hugs* I wish there was more I could do then that.

[Cookie]

Thanks guys. Hugs really mean a lot these days. We will survive. Sometimes that's just hard to see because it's overwhelming.

[Peppergirl]

OMG, honey. I just don't even know what to say.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to vent or talk.

*huge hugs and chocolate*

[Cookie]

Thanks so much, Pepper. That really means a lot.

[BlaqueKatt]

not sure if you're religious or not but some churches offer counciling for abuse victims on a sliding scale(some for anyone, some only for members), or they may know of support groups for abuse survivors. Even if you don't remember it, it can still affect you very deeply.

[Der Cute]

Hugs.

First question:
Would it be worth contacting an atty for a 30 min free consult on Workers Comp? Is the Statute of Limitations out?

Second:
Big fat squishy hugs. With kitty bonks.
Keep this in mind about your father: Child molesters, aka ChiMos...are the most despised humanoids in a prison system. Even with a bunch of people behind bars, there is still a hierarchy. ChiMos are pretty much bottomdwellers. Most often, these people are put in Max Security, so they dont get beat up by everyone else.

Third:
Counseling. For both flavors of your issues. Can you find college or community health centers w/ counseling? Or even, look up crisis counseling, aka rape, molestation etc online? See if you could hook up with them that way. You need a crisis I think first, to help heal the child issues, and then that might lighten up the depression. Just a thought (IANAC).

Fourth:
I am super sorry your honey is in pain. You may also want to chat with the lawyer of Workmans Comp about SSI, if your honey is rendered to be unable to work.
Living through all that crap in your life made you stronger, but for god's sakes, why put someone thru it in the first place.

Your biofather...Ick. Think about his probation hearings, he might get out earlier for good behavior. You can protest.

First, lawyer/honey, counseling, food bank and hugs.

[ArcticChicken]

*hugs*

Is there a way to sell what you bake? That way you could at least do the baking part.

[Cookie]

I am very much opposed to going to counseling. Not a religious thing, just a personal thing. The thought of going in to one after the horrible experiences I've had just scares me. I am a Christian, but churches have a similar stigma that I'm trying to get past to hopefully find a good one.

We already have the ball rolling for a free consultation with the lawyer. We'll see what happens.

As for probation, I've talked with people and he's not eligible. I also check every couple of years to make sure he's not changed facilities. That's how I stumbled on the court docs in the first place.

*hugs*

Is there a way to sell what you bake? That way you could at least do the baking part.

Maybe to friends. Hadn't thought about that. Beyond that, I'd have to look into business licenses and health inspections in my apartment. Bleh I mean, it's clean, but how invasive. Also, don't think the landlords would appreciate that. Good idea, though

[CoffeeMonkey]

Beyond that, I'd have to look into business licenses and health inspections in my apartment. Bleh I mean, it's clean, but how invasive. Also, don't think the landlords would appreciate that. Good idea, though

Check out Cottage Food laws for your state. For example, Michigan passed cottage laws last summer that allows for a household to make up to a certain amount (I believe 15k) per year in selling things like baked goods, candies, preserves, etc. You don't have to have certifications or a commercial kitchen. You just have to have a label on everything with an ingrediant list, and the label has to state that the goods were made in a home kitchen.

It probably wouldn't be enough to solve the money woes, but it might be a few extra bucks to offset the cost of the hobby.

[Cookie]

Interesting idea. I'd never heard of that, but I'll look into it.

[Solumina]

It's something worth looking into, I had a friend at university who sold her baked goods, she took orders online and would deliver to any of the buildings on campus, people who weren't students just picked which of the public buildings they wanted to pick their stuff up at. She didn't make a ton but it covered her books and gave her some spending money (around about $2k a year), but like you she just found baking to be a really joyful, mood lifting activity and this was a way for her to be able to keep doing it.

[Cookie]

I just looked and it's not legal in my state. I'd literally have to have a separate kitchen. It was a good thought, though.

[MoonCat]

Regarding the counseling, what about a phone crisis line? The people who man them are trained to help you talk things out, they won't know your name or even see your face, and you can talk as much or as little as you want. Sometimes it just helps to have someone else listen.

Just a thought.

Hugs and prayers to you, anyway. I hope things get better soon.