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Things I am not allowed to do at work.

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  • I am not allowed to tell people that Big Brother is watching them, and point at the giant poster of the king's face.
    I'm forbidden from making any reference to 1984 comparing it to our store, no matter how true it is.
    I'm not allowed to say that we were ever at war with East Asia.
    It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
    ~~~H.L. Mencken

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    • Not allowed to very slightly stress to customers...for the THIRD time in less then a minute...that we don't have the setup for debit. Story coming soon if anyone is interested.
      Last edited by Bella_Vixen; 07-23-2007, 06:06 PM.
      I'm bringing disdain back...with a vengeance.

      Oh, and your tool box called...you got out again.

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      • Quoth Bella_Vixen View Post
        Story soming soon if anyone is interested.
        Interested.
        Unseen but seeing
        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
        3rd shift needs love, too
        RIP, mo bhrionglóid

        Comment


        • Quoth BeckySunshine View Post
          Interested.
          Seconded!!
          Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

          http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

          Comment


          • Quoth Broomjockey View Post
            Seconded!!
            New York abstains.... courtiously.
            I haven't seen this movie in god knows how long. But seriously, Thirded.
            It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
            ~~~H.L. Mencken

            Comment


            • I may not ever hit a goose with my broom
              Even if the goose started it
              Especially not in front of the park guests
              Letting the goose attack the dustpan while herding it away from the park guests it is attacking is A-okay even though they weren't supposed to be feeding the birds in the first place

              It is not appropriate to intentionally give the park guests the wrong directions
              No matter how funny it is to watch them get lost.

              I may not tell the park guests that we let the lions out after nine.
              Even if they are staying on grounds after closing time.

              I hope I was amusing.

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              • I am not allowed to leave my mess for anyone else to clean up. Even if that is what minions are for.
                I have PMS and a black belt. Any questions?

                This random moment is brought to you by the letters A D and D.

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                • I am not allowed to walk up behind the company secretary two days before the biggest event of our year and ask him what he's forgotten.

                  Rapscallion

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                  • I am not allowed to kidnap patrons and hold them hostage by refusing to give them their tabs, even if we ARE a pirate bar.
                    "The things that I remember best - those are the things I wasn't supposed to do…."

                    I'm coming back as a Schooner Wharf Bar dog.

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                    • Movie Theatre

                      -I am not allowed to stand in a customer's way, clear my thoat and point to the trash he/she left in his/her seat.
                      -I am not allowed to shoot spitwads at movie watchers from the projector booth window.
                      -I am not allowed to slide drinks to people over the concession counter like a cool bartender, as paper cups don't slide quite like the glass ones do.
                      -When a customer complains about the prices of popcorn, drinks, candy, etc., I am not allowed to respond with "Maybe you're just poor."
                      -When an old couple asks what movie is good, I am not allowed to say "Saw III"
                      -I am not allowed to signal the ticket ripping guy to not let someone in, and insist the ticket is fake.
                      -When I am the ticket ripping guy, I am not allowed to look at a clipboard and say "Yo not on da list..." to customers.
                      -I am not allowed to streak through The Omen on opening night with my boxers on my head screaming "ANTI-CHRIST!!!" (This I actually did... after I quit)
                      -When directing movie-goers to their auditoriums, I am not allowed to say "Auditorium 11 on the right" (we only have 10)

                      Carl's Jr.

                      -When told by the general manager that I don't smile at customers enough, I am not allowed to respond by saying "I don't get paid enough to smile"
                      -When a customer asks "Can I get a cheeseburger?", I am not allowed to respond with any of the following:
                      "No."
                      "Probably."
                      "Excuse me while I consult my supervisor about this."
                      "What's a cheeseburger?"
                      "What's in it for me?"
                      -While working at drive-through, seeing as we only have one window for food pickup, I am not allowed to tell a customer to drive to the second window.
                      -When locking the doors when we close, I am not allowed to stick my tongue out at people trying to get in.
                      -When a heavy wave of customers come in when I am already exhausted, I am not allowed to lose it and go on a screaming rant about how fat they're all going to get from our food, or how fat they already are, or about how they'd be better off eating meat that wasn't squeezed out of one of those Play-Doh thingies.
                      When someone throws a drink into our drive-through window as a prank, reporting his license plate number to the police is the only necessary action. I am not allowed to hunt him down, tie his feet to cinderblocks and throw him in the lake.

                      Wal-Mart (cartpusher)
                      -I am not allowed to block in someone's car with 80 shopping carts.
                      -I am not allowed to clock in, spend 6 hours sipping hot chocolate at the nearby Starbucks, and clock out.
                      -I am not allowed to get on the PA and threaten all Wal-Mart shoppers that I will hurt a kitten for every shopping cart that isn't returned.
                      -I am not allowed to dispose of the shopping carts that are not returned, hoping that once the supply of carts diminishes completely, people will get the message.

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                      • I am still not allowed to play with the officers' handcuffs.

                        I'm also not allowed to put smiley face stickers on cops' butts, even if they don't notice for a while and it entertains coworkers.
                        Unseen but seeing
                        oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                        There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                        3rd shift needs love, too
                        RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                        Comment


                        • Not allowed to try and "revive" the produce, even though I swear that some of the products are revivable.

                          Tomatoes are not funny, no matter how much I think they are.

                          Not allowed to play Horseshoes with broken onion rings and chicken fries (still frozen) even though they are expired and we're just gonna throw them out.

                          I'm not allowed to tell certain co-workers to "hop in" when I'm taking the garbage out. Double when it comes to a manager. Triple when it comes to a customer. (I've only done it to a co-worker)
                          It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.
                          ~~~H.L. Mencken

                          Comment


                          • Quoth Aldous View Post

                            I'm not allowed to tell certain co-workers to "hop in" when I'm taking the garbage out. Double when it comes to a manager. Triple when it comes to a customer. (I've only done it to a co-worker)
                            I've heard that offer made to a couple of coworkers with our baler.

                            Can't recall who would do such a thing though
                            Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

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                            • Special Wisconsin State Fair Edition:

                              Okay, this didn't happen at work, but it still cracks me up to this very day. It happened a few years ago when I was visiting the Wisconsin State Fair with some friends.

                              During a performance by the Kids From Wisconsin, it is not funny to yell out in your best stoner metalhead voice "I wanna hear IRON MAN!"

                              Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                              "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

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                              • I am no longer allowed to tell customers that Microsoft sacrifices virgins in master Chief outfits to keep Halo 3 exclusive to the 360.

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