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Gather round kids, I have a story for you. An epic tale. A tale so fantastic I must speak of it before I get to my usual work related rambling.
The Ballad of MC Isaac K & Krew
Gather round kids, for tonight I’m going to tell you a story. An epic story. The story of MC Isaac K and his Krew
When I boarded the Skytrain on this dark, fateful night I was greeted by a trio of the most painfully lame boy apes I’ve quite possibly ever encountered on all my nightly voyages on public transit. I knew immediately that these three were special. From their painfully awkward attempts at flashing “gang signs” and their use of the word “dawg” as both a comma and a period, I knew I was in for a good show.
They were three strong:
MC Isaac K:
Perhaps the most intellectually malnourished, this was their gloriously leader. A pudgy, rat like creature in Walmart purchased gangsta attire with a baseball cap on backwards and 4 days worth of stubble in a pitiful attempt at a goatee that was being defeated by the erratic onset of puberty. MC Isaac K is also, as our story will reveal, desperately lonely.
MC Jacob:
Isaac’s right hand boy ape. The same species as Isaac, but somewhat clean shaven and fantastically drunk. Actually has a female with him who may or may not be his sister. Despite looking like his sister it’s not stopping him from pawing at her. MC Isaac K seemed somewhat jealous of this one sided groping, possibly incestuous relationship.
MC Doctor Something or Other:
A skinny Bill Gates clone with a baseball cap on backwards and giant nerd classes. Using the words “dawg”, “yo” and “homie” like combining all 3 in a sentence was a cure for cancer. Seems to be under the impression that he is much cooler then he actually is. Even hearing him speak made me feel ashamed for him. Spent all of his time acting as a sort of gangsta echo to his “homies” by repeating almost everything they said, only with more “yo”’s.
Or story all began stupidity enough with Isaac and Jacob. ( Sorry, MC Isaac and MC Jacob ) discussing the girl that had gotten on the Skytrain behind me. In order for the sheer stupidity of this to hit, it’s important to note this girl was black. So, I was sitting behind Isaac and Jacob, who had immediately gone into “HOLY *@&% A GIRL” mode. When Isaac flagged his intention to attempt to initiate the mating ritual to Jacob with the phrase “I’m gonna go for it dawg!” loudly enough for everyone on the Skytrain to hear. Jacob in return offered heartfelt encouragement to his rat boy brethren “Get her, yo!”. Again, loud enough so that everyone onboard, including his intended lust target, could hear.
With this, Isaac got up and strutted over to her in the manner of a peacock being randomly tugged forward by its groin, sat down next to her and uttered a pick up line so fantastically wrong even I was momentarily awed by its audacity:
“Yo, what up girl! So you’re black, huh?”
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the expression a human being gets on her face when awe, offense and disgust collide in one single glorious expression for a moment. Its rather impressive. But our dull witted hero, not content with just having rendered the entire Skytrain dead silent, his victim included, persisted:
“So, hey, you’re black, I’m white, what kinda kids do you think we’d have?”
I think I physically winced at the follow up. It was a perfect one two combo of stupidity and offensiveness really. MC Isaac ( Who is, as I mentioned, is desperately lonely ) actually sat there with what I assume he thinks is a charming smile on his face waiting for a response. The only response was a look that could probably cut glass and make children cry in terror and hide behind their parent’s leg. Undaunted, Isaac engaged in a staring contest with this death glare for several moments before finally accepting defeat and slinking back to MC Jacob to lament about his “game” or something.
The trio then spent the next 5 minutes reassuring each other that “I got your back, yo”. They did not specify why they needed to watch each other’s backs or what the imminent threat was that required this additional security. Only that they had each other’s backs. I assume this was some sort of rat boy bonding ritual.
MC Isaac K was then struck by an overwhelming need to colour but, lacking colour books and crayons, he was forced to bum a marker off MC Jacob ( Who carries them specifically for these urges I assume ). He then attempted to “mark” the wall of the Skytrain with their “mad yo” gang sign. Which, and keep in mind I’m no expert here, looked like someone had strapped the marker to the underbelly of a gerbil moments before force feeding it half a can of Red Bull and the resulting pattern traced its fevered movements moments before its heart exploded. But, like I said, I’m no expert in these matters. For all I know it was the most fantastically awesome gang sign EVAR.
Isaac soon tired of colouring ( and perhaps the realization that no matter how hard he tried marker ink doesn’t stick to glass that well. ) and began lamenting about how they never do any “gangsta sh*t”. Jacob reassured him that they were scheduled to do “gangsta sh*t” on Weds. I wasn’t aware you could schedule “gangsta sh*t”. But apparently you can.
Another female boarded at Nanaimo. Isaac once again desperately tried to get her to let him touch her with his peepee. But she was on her cell phone and ignored him utterly. Isaac chided him with “Go for it dawg! What are you doing?!” to which Isaac, like a hurt puppy, replied “She’s on the phone, yo!”. Both comments were made despite sitting within 5 feet of the girl on the phone in question. Subtlety is not the forte of this bunch.
At Broadway, a black gentleman boarded, God help him. Isaac immediately called out “DUDE! A HOMEBOY!” and the 3 of them descended on this poor guy like a flock of seagulls on a McDonald's drive throgh. This was the point where I learned they were all “MC”. As Isaac introduced his “Krew” to this rather baffled guy as “I’m MC Isaac K, this is MC Jacob, and that’s MC Doctor something or other.” Then began rambling on about their awesome rapping skills. The poor guy, who was completely trapped, just tried to smile and nod. Isaac began bragging about how many mix tapes he had made. 2 to be exact. He also pointed out that MC Jacob had 1 mix tape. Oh and that all 3 awesome mix tapes were available on their website which was, of course, on MySpace. ( I did attempt to find it, but sadly it’s been removed by MySpace. I assume for being too lame. That’s right, too lame for MySpace )
Thankfully, all 3 + Sister Grope finally exited the train at Main St. The last I heard was Isaac once again lamenting about the complete lack of “gansta sh*t” that they were partaking in this evening.
Thus ends the tale of my encounter with MC Isaac K & Krew. I hope you’ve enjoyed tonight’s Skytrain Theater.
Multiple
SC: “We’re an interrupted passenger.”
….is that like the royal “we” or do you actually have multiple personalities and/or appendages that can speak and need to be included in this equation?
Bob's
Me: “The only other hotel I have is the Sahara Resort”
SC: “Did you say Bob’s Hotel?”
Me: “….no”
I’m not entirely sure how you got “Bob’s Hotel” out of “Sahara Resort”….but putting that fantastic intellectual failure aside; I’ve never heard of Bob’s Hotel, but I’m sure it’s a lovely establishment ( probably located within a Walmart. ) that may or may not rent room’s by the hour and probably sells radial tires and/or motor oil in the lobby.
Fun with Numbers
Me: “Alright, the phone number is xxx-xxx-“
SC: “Great, thanks!”
Me: “There’s mor-“
SC: “<click>”
So you figure 6 digits is enough is it? You can just work out the rest on your own? Well, far be it for me to deprive you of your telecom riddles. By all means, enjoy the next 2 hours standing at a payphone arguing with the “cannot be completed as dialed” voice. She’s a stubborn one, so you’ll have to be really persistent. Hang in there, Champ!
Argh!
Me: “D, as in David.”
SC: “A?”
Yes, that’s right, Aavid. The long lost twin of Bavid I’m assuming. That’s two down, one to go. If I ever actually met someone named “Cavid” I’d probably strangle him to death in the street while onlookers gaped in horror then tell the cops I was just trying to make my job easier.
See? I have team spirit! I’m willing to do 25 to Life in jail just so all the <my company> operators with D as an initial won’t have to put up with this anymore.
Er...ok
SC: “The open is not open?”
Ummm….sure. Hey, tell you what: I’ll let you know when the closed is not closed, ok?
Terrible Hate Radius
The Canucks need to go into overtime more often. That way I can be spared having to fight my way upstream through the slack-witted tide of humanity streaming up from GM Place. Not that all Canucks fans are slack witted mind you, it’s just that I consider anyone within 6 feet of me that’s impeding my progress to work somehow as a slackwit, jackass, idiot or demi-human sewer dweller that has somehow become lost and disoriented on the surface world. Basically I have roughly a 6 foot Terrible Hate Radius that has a chance of affecting near any living creature and even some inanimate objects within range. But its only really active when I’m down town or on public transit.
Hot Tips for America
Just a heads up, the maintenance guy for <management company thats also ironically a client> is a devious spy from an undisclosed hostile country and a grievous threat to….er….the national security of the United States….somehow…..despite being in Canada…….I don’t know. Hell, I’m so desensitized to these delusional nocturnal fairy tales that I can’t even feign interest anymore.
Do It!
SC: “Is this <company tech support>?”
Me: “Yes it is.”
SC: “<To background> Hey! What’s the problem we were having?”
( Mumbling in background )
SC: “<To background> Well come tell him that! Go on, tell him!”
Yeah! Tell me! Do it! I dare you! Come on you sissy pants chicken licker, do it! I double dare you!
867
Me: “Good morning, <client n-“
SC: “CAN I BUY MP3?!”
Er…..I’m assuming you mean the $600 MP3 sunglasses that no one in your entire arctic hovel of a village has the equipment, know how or opposable thumbs to operate?
I Found a Fan
Me: “Have you tried talking to the resident manager yet?”
SC: “I did! But all he did was yell at me and call me a racist!”
Me: “……”
SC: “All I said was: “Since you’re in this country, you should have some respect!” then he started yelling at me!”
…wow….hey, do you know MC Isaac K & Krew? Judging by the sound of that you’d probably really enjoy one or more of their fine mix tapes.
It was a Mercedes Too
Caller: “Yeah, a car hit our building.”
Me: “A…car?”
SC: “A car.”
Me: “…a car…”
I wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to break this to the On Call, but I tried none the less….
Me: “It seems that a car has struck the building.”
OC: “A…car?”
Me: “A car.”
OC: “…a car…”
Well, that worked.
and thus I return to work....still on my last shift of the week. -.-
The Ballad of MC Isaac K & Krew
Gather round kids, for tonight I’m going to tell you a story. An epic story. The story of MC Isaac K and his Krew
When I boarded the Skytrain on this dark, fateful night I was greeted by a trio of the most painfully lame boy apes I’ve quite possibly ever encountered on all my nightly voyages on public transit. I knew immediately that these three were special. From their painfully awkward attempts at flashing “gang signs” and their use of the word “dawg” as both a comma and a period, I knew I was in for a good show.
They were three strong:
MC Isaac K:
Perhaps the most intellectually malnourished, this was their gloriously leader. A pudgy, rat like creature in Walmart purchased gangsta attire with a baseball cap on backwards and 4 days worth of stubble in a pitiful attempt at a goatee that was being defeated by the erratic onset of puberty. MC Isaac K is also, as our story will reveal, desperately lonely.
MC Jacob:
Isaac’s right hand boy ape. The same species as Isaac, but somewhat clean shaven and fantastically drunk. Actually has a female with him who may or may not be his sister. Despite looking like his sister it’s not stopping him from pawing at her. MC Isaac K seemed somewhat jealous of this one sided groping, possibly incestuous relationship.
MC Doctor Something or Other:
A skinny Bill Gates clone with a baseball cap on backwards and giant nerd classes. Using the words “dawg”, “yo” and “homie” like combining all 3 in a sentence was a cure for cancer. Seems to be under the impression that he is much cooler then he actually is. Even hearing him speak made me feel ashamed for him. Spent all of his time acting as a sort of gangsta echo to his “homies” by repeating almost everything they said, only with more “yo”’s.
Or story all began stupidity enough with Isaac and Jacob. ( Sorry, MC Isaac and MC Jacob ) discussing the girl that had gotten on the Skytrain behind me. In order for the sheer stupidity of this to hit, it’s important to note this girl was black. So, I was sitting behind Isaac and Jacob, who had immediately gone into “HOLY *@&% A GIRL” mode. When Isaac flagged his intention to attempt to initiate the mating ritual to Jacob with the phrase “I’m gonna go for it dawg!” loudly enough for everyone on the Skytrain to hear. Jacob in return offered heartfelt encouragement to his rat boy brethren “Get her, yo!”. Again, loud enough so that everyone onboard, including his intended lust target, could hear.
With this, Isaac got up and strutted over to her in the manner of a peacock being randomly tugged forward by its groin, sat down next to her and uttered a pick up line so fantastically wrong even I was momentarily awed by its audacity:
“Yo, what up girl! So you’re black, huh?”
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the expression a human being gets on her face when awe, offense and disgust collide in one single glorious expression for a moment. Its rather impressive. But our dull witted hero, not content with just having rendered the entire Skytrain dead silent, his victim included, persisted:
“So, hey, you’re black, I’m white, what kinda kids do you think we’d have?”
I think I physically winced at the follow up. It was a perfect one two combo of stupidity and offensiveness really. MC Isaac ( Who is, as I mentioned, is desperately lonely ) actually sat there with what I assume he thinks is a charming smile on his face waiting for a response. The only response was a look that could probably cut glass and make children cry in terror and hide behind their parent’s leg. Undaunted, Isaac engaged in a staring contest with this death glare for several moments before finally accepting defeat and slinking back to MC Jacob to lament about his “game” or something.
The trio then spent the next 5 minutes reassuring each other that “I got your back, yo”. They did not specify why they needed to watch each other’s backs or what the imminent threat was that required this additional security. Only that they had each other’s backs. I assume this was some sort of rat boy bonding ritual.
MC Isaac K was then struck by an overwhelming need to colour but, lacking colour books and crayons, he was forced to bum a marker off MC Jacob ( Who carries them specifically for these urges I assume ). He then attempted to “mark” the wall of the Skytrain with their “mad yo” gang sign. Which, and keep in mind I’m no expert here, looked like someone had strapped the marker to the underbelly of a gerbil moments before force feeding it half a can of Red Bull and the resulting pattern traced its fevered movements moments before its heart exploded. But, like I said, I’m no expert in these matters. For all I know it was the most fantastically awesome gang sign EVAR.
Isaac soon tired of colouring ( and perhaps the realization that no matter how hard he tried marker ink doesn’t stick to glass that well. ) and began lamenting about how they never do any “gangsta sh*t”. Jacob reassured him that they were scheduled to do “gangsta sh*t” on Weds. I wasn’t aware you could schedule “gangsta sh*t”. But apparently you can.
Another female boarded at Nanaimo. Isaac once again desperately tried to get her to let him touch her with his peepee. But she was on her cell phone and ignored him utterly. Isaac chided him with “Go for it dawg! What are you doing?!” to which Isaac, like a hurt puppy, replied “She’s on the phone, yo!”. Both comments were made despite sitting within 5 feet of the girl on the phone in question. Subtlety is not the forte of this bunch.
At Broadway, a black gentleman boarded, God help him. Isaac immediately called out “DUDE! A HOMEBOY!” and the 3 of them descended on this poor guy like a flock of seagulls on a McDonald's drive throgh. This was the point where I learned they were all “MC”. As Isaac introduced his “Krew” to this rather baffled guy as “I’m MC Isaac K, this is MC Jacob, and that’s MC Doctor something or other.” Then began rambling on about their awesome rapping skills. The poor guy, who was completely trapped, just tried to smile and nod. Isaac began bragging about how many mix tapes he had made. 2 to be exact. He also pointed out that MC Jacob had 1 mix tape. Oh and that all 3 awesome mix tapes were available on their website which was, of course, on MySpace. ( I did attempt to find it, but sadly it’s been removed by MySpace. I assume for being too lame. That’s right, too lame for MySpace )
Thankfully, all 3 + Sister Grope finally exited the train at Main St. The last I heard was Isaac once again lamenting about the complete lack of “gansta sh*t” that they were partaking in this evening.
Thus ends the tale of my encounter with MC Isaac K & Krew. I hope you’ve enjoyed tonight’s Skytrain Theater.
Multiple
SC: “We’re an interrupted passenger.”
….is that like the royal “we” or do you actually have multiple personalities and/or appendages that can speak and need to be included in this equation?
Bob's
Me: “The only other hotel I have is the Sahara Resort”
SC: “Did you say Bob’s Hotel?”
Me: “….no”
I’m not entirely sure how you got “Bob’s Hotel” out of “Sahara Resort”….but putting that fantastic intellectual failure aside; I’ve never heard of Bob’s Hotel, but I’m sure it’s a lovely establishment ( probably located within a Walmart. ) that may or may not rent room’s by the hour and probably sells radial tires and/or motor oil in the lobby.
Fun with Numbers
Me: “Alright, the phone number is xxx-xxx-“
SC: “Great, thanks!”
Me: “There’s mor-“
SC: “<click>”
So you figure 6 digits is enough is it? You can just work out the rest on your own? Well, far be it for me to deprive you of your telecom riddles. By all means, enjoy the next 2 hours standing at a payphone arguing with the “cannot be completed as dialed” voice. She’s a stubborn one, so you’ll have to be really persistent. Hang in there, Champ!
Argh!
Me: “D, as in David.”
SC: “A?”
Yes, that’s right, Aavid. The long lost twin of Bavid I’m assuming. That’s two down, one to go. If I ever actually met someone named “Cavid” I’d probably strangle him to death in the street while onlookers gaped in horror then tell the cops I was just trying to make my job easier.
See? I have team spirit! I’m willing to do 25 to Life in jail just so all the <my company> operators with D as an initial won’t have to put up with this anymore.
Er...ok
SC: “The open is not open?”
Ummm….sure. Hey, tell you what: I’ll let you know when the closed is not closed, ok?
Terrible Hate Radius
The Canucks need to go into overtime more often. That way I can be spared having to fight my way upstream through the slack-witted tide of humanity streaming up from GM Place. Not that all Canucks fans are slack witted mind you, it’s just that I consider anyone within 6 feet of me that’s impeding my progress to work somehow as a slackwit, jackass, idiot or demi-human sewer dweller that has somehow become lost and disoriented on the surface world. Basically I have roughly a 6 foot Terrible Hate Radius that has a chance of affecting near any living creature and even some inanimate objects within range. But its only really active when I’m down town or on public transit.
Hot Tips for America
Just a heads up, the maintenance guy for <management company thats also ironically a client> is a devious spy from an undisclosed hostile country and a grievous threat to….er….the national security of the United States….somehow…..despite being in Canada…….I don’t know. Hell, I’m so desensitized to these delusional nocturnal fairy tales that I can’t even feign interest anymore.
Do It!
SC: “Is this <company tech support>?”
Me: “Yes it is.”
SC: “<To background> Hey! What’s the problem we were having?”
( Mumbling in background )
SC: “<To background> Well come tell him that! Go on, tell him!”
Yeah! Tell me! Do it! I dare you! Come on you sissy pants chicken licker, do it! I double dare you!
867
Me: “Good morning, <client n-“
SC: “CAN I BUY MP3?!”
Er…..I’m assuming you mean the $600 MP3 sunglasses that no one in your entire arctic hovel of a village has the equipment, know how or opposable thumbs to operate?
I Found a Fan
Me: “Have you tried talking to the resident manager yet?”
SC: “I did! But all he did was yell at me and call me a racist!”
Me: “……”
SC: “All I said was: “Since you’re in this country, you should have some respect!” then he started yelling at me!”
…wow….hey, do you know MC Isaac K & Krew? Judging by the sound of that you’d probably really enjoy one or more of their fine mix tapes.
It was a Mercedes Too
Caller: “Yeah, a car hit our building.”
Me: “A…car?”
SC: “A car.”
Me: “…a car…”
I wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to break this to the On Call, but I tried none the less….
Me: “It seems that a car has struck the building.”
OC: “A…car?”
Me: “A car.”
OC: “…a car…”
Well, that worked.
and thus I return to work....still on my last shift of the week. -.-
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