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Here's a rather long transcript of a call I had a couple months ago. She wasn't a customer, but when she called back 10 minutes later, my coworker actually tried to sell her service. More power to him! I wasn't able to handle her beyond what you see here. Enjoy.
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ME: Thank you for holding. My name is Dennis; how can I help you today?
HER: Yes, Mr. Dennis?
ME: Yes.
HER: Hi, umm, is this customer service?
ME: Umm, for the sales department, yes.
HER: OK, well, I was transferred over by a supervisor, umm, cause umm I need to get with some supervisor about getting something written up, a problem I had with an employee
ME: OK…umm, could I have your phone number, please?
HER: Well, you're not gonna, I'm not with ya'll, I don't have an account with yall.
ME: Oh, I see. OK, umm, do you know the name of the representative that you were having an issue with?
HER: I can't remember what his name it sound like, it sound like it begin with the letter D, but he gave me a little clue or something and I want it written up, cause Monday I'm gonna have it written up in my city and state, so they'll be able to trace my line and find that call. But it happened about 15 minutes ago, and he, he, I remember he said that he been working there since 2003, so that's why umm the manager who I was on the phone with transfered me over to you all 'cause he's workin at that main office, since he's been workin there since that year.
ME: Umm, lemme see something here.
HER: But he was very rude and hung up the phone? And I was calling for the first time.
ME: OK, what was your phone number, ma'am?
HER: He didn't have my telephone number -
ME: - right, but you were calling in from a phone number, so I might be able to find it through that.
HER: Well, my number was blocked, so it's probably gonna say Unlisted number
ME: OK. I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't know the name of the person that you were talking to, I can't trace the call to find out which representative it was, we don't know his name, umm, there's really not much that we can do to resolve this concern for you.
HER: That's why I asked to speak with a supervisor, cause my phone calls ARE recorded.
ME: Yes, but not...if your number is blocked, then I don't know which call is yours. We've got 1200 people have called in today.
HER: It's gonna say, it's gonna say Unlisted.
ME: It doesn't say Unlisted on our system.
HER: It…no, it happened tonight.
ME: Yes; it doesn't work like that in our system, though. And today alone, we've had 1200 calls come in so far.
HER: Well, is there a supervisor there in the customer service, cause it should still get written up, 'cause I'm gonna be getting with a lawyer Monday, and I'm gonna call to have it written up in Washington. DC. 'Cause I'm a veteran. And we will be getting on a conference call set up with the president of DishNetwork along with the Chairman of the Board, but that behavior's not gonna be tolerated from nowhere in the USA, I don't care what type of business it is.
ME: Well, I'm sorry, ma'am, I…
HER: Because Barack Obama ain't even gonna go for that.
ME: I'm sorry, I have no way of tracing, umm, which representative you were speaking with without either the phone number or the name of the person.
HER: Well, if you gone have the date and the time frame….
ME: ….not enough.
HER: 'Cause I work for the FBI, sir, and we trace, we trace things all the time
ME: Needless to say, ma'am, …
HER: And we might not have a name, but…pardon me?
ME: Needless to say, we are not the FBI. Our means of tracking our calls are based on the name of the person you're talking to….
HER: Let me speak with a supervisor in customer service.
ME: I beg your pardon?
HER: Let me speak with a supervisor in customer service.
ME: Ma'am, I AM a supervisor in customer service.
HER: OK, so you not gonna write it up?
ME: Ma'am, you're not listening, no; in order to do so, I have to know the number you're calling in from or I need to know the name of the representative you were speaking with, or some other definitive piece of information that I can use to track it down. Just saying you called in today isn't enough, 'cause we've had 1200 people call in today.
HER: OK, well, it's not daytime here, I'm calling from the state of Florida, it's umm nighttime. I had called, when I made the call, my call was made around about umm 7:30. PM. From Jacksonville Florida?
ME: Ma'am…it's 7:30 pm right now at this moment.
HER: No, it is not.
ME: Yeah, it is.
HER: Not here, not where I'm at, it's not.
ME: What time is it?
HER: Right now, umm…it's about seven…it's about seven….thirty….
ME: Yes!
HER: ….eight.
ME: No, ma'am, it's 7:30. I'm afraid your clock is off. It's 7:30. I'm in Western New York, I'm in the same time zone. Now, so you're saying your call….
HER: It was about ten or fifteen minutes ago.
ME: OK, umm……
HER: And I had called that umm ###-###-3474 number,
ME: OK, umm……
HER: THat's the number I had dialed, I didn't dial the 888-###-####.
ME: OK, then, I'm looking through our call log for the last half hour; I'm not showing any representatives whose names start with D having answered a call since…hang on a minute…
HER: It was a white male.
ME: I'm not showing anybody with a first name that starts with D since at least as far back as 5:30.
HER: Well, it wasn't no 5:30, no it wasn't. Nnn, nnn.
ME: I'm sorry, then. WIthout more information, I'm not gonna be able to trace this farther down.
HER: OK, well, we'll give it to the president of DishNetwork and I can get it written up and all, what I'm planning to do now, when I hang up with you, I'm gonna call my local police department, get a police report written up.
ME: You do that.
HER: THat's like you being denied the appropriate service; you call, and ya'll send us the flyers and everything, and I'm definitely gonna bring this up to my mayor, and city counsel attention first thing tomorrow.
ME: Yes, ma'am. The mayor, the president, I understand. Is there anything else I can help you with?
HER: Well you seem like you're still not writing it up!
ME: Ma'am, I have nothing to write up! You have no information, you've given me the wrong information about the letter of the name of the person you were talking to, you have nothing for me to go on! How can I help you without definite data - I mean, you're saying you were FBI…
HER: Well it can get forwarded to the executive administrative offices and, to tell them I'll have an attorney or somebody follow up on it in the morning.
ME: OK, let me make sure I understand what you mean. You want me to send a letter to our administrators telling them that an unidentified person whose name might start with the letter D answered a call which has no phone number, and something about it is wrong…
HER: THe phone number's, when I dial, it's saying Unlisted number.
ME: Which does not help us at all here, ma'am.
HER: That's how it shows on my caller ID…Unlisted. When I dial...
ME: Which does not help us at all. But yeah; you wanna talk to the president, you wanna talk to the mayor, you wanna talk to the police, you go ahead. But there's nothing that we could give them that would fix this because we have no data.
HER: Well, you're not gonna write it up, to at least have it on file?
ME: No ma'am. I have nothing to write up. I have no person to blame, I have no reference to make...
HER: There's gonna be a lawsuit….
ME: If there's gonna be a lawsuit, well, ma'am, if you're bringing up legal issues, I'm going to have to disconnect this call. You have a good day. *click*
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ME: Thank you for holding. My name is Dennis; how can I help you today?
HER: Yes, Mr. Dennis?
ME: Yes.
HER: Hi, umm, is this customer service?
ME: Umm, for the sales department, yes.
HER: OK, well, I was transferred over by a supervisor, umm, cause umm I need to get with some supervisor about getting something written up, a problem I had with an employee
ME: OK…umm, could I have your phone number, please?
HER: Well, you're not gonna, I'm not with ya'll, I don't have an account with yall.
ME: Oh, I see. OK, umm, do you know the name of the representative that you were having an issue with?
HER: I can't remember what his name it sound like, it sound like it begin with the letter D, but he gave me a little clue or something and I want it written up, cause Monday I'm gonna have it written up in my city and state, so they'll be able to trace my line and find that call. But it happened about 15 minutes ago, and he, he, I remember he said that he been working there since 2003, so that's why umm the manager who I was on the phone with transfered me over to you all 'cause he's workin at that main office, since he's been workin there since that year.
ME: Umm, lemme see something here.
HER: But he was very rude and hung up the phone? And I was calling for the first time.
ME: OK, what was your phone number, ma'am?
HER: He didn't have my telephone number -
ME: - right, but you were calling in from a phone number, so I might be able to find it through that.
HER: Well, my number was blocked, so it's probably gonna say Unlisted number
ME: OK. I'm sorry ma'am, but we don't know the name of the person that you were talking to, I can't trace the call to find out which representative it was, we don't know his name, umm, there's really not much that we can do to resolve this concern for you.
HER: That's why I asked to speak with a supervisor, cause my phone calls ARE recorded.
ME: Yes, but not...if your number is blocked, then I don't know which call is yours. We've got 1200 people have called in today.
HER: It's gonna say, it's gonna say Unlisted.
ME: It doesn't say Unlisted on our system.
HER: It…no, it happened tonight.
ME: Yes; it doesn't work like that in our system, though. And today alone, we've had 1200 calls come in so far.
HER: Well, is there a supervisor there in the customer service, cause it should still get written up, 'cause I'm gonna be getting with a lawyer Monday, and I'm gonna call to have it written up in Washington. DC. 'Cause I'm a veteran. And we will be getting on a conference call set up with the president of DishNetwork along with the Chairman of the Board, but that behavior's not gonna be tolerated from nowhere in the USA, I don't care what type of business it is.
ME: Well, I'm sorry, ma'am, I…
HER: Because Barack Obama ain't even gonna go for that.
ME: I'm sorry, I have no way of tracing, umm, which representative you were speaking with without either the phone number or the name of the person.
HER: Well, if you gone have the date and the time frame….
ME: ….not enough.
HER: 'Cause I work for the FBI, sir, and we trace, we trace things all the time
ME: Needless to say, ma'am, …
HER: And we might not have a name, but…pardon me?
ME: Needless to say, we are not the FBI. Our means of tracking our calls are based on the name of the person you're talking to….
HER: Let me speak with a supervisor in customer service.
ME: I beg your pardon?
HER: Let me speak with a supervisor in customer service.
ME: Ma'am, I AM a supervisor in customer service.
HER: OK, so you not gonna write it up?
ME: Ma'am, you're not listening, no; in order to do so, I have to know the number you're calling in from or I need to know the name of the representative you were speaking with, or some other definitive piece of information that I can use to track it down. Just saying you called in today isn't enough, 'cause we've had 1200 people call in today.
HER: OK, well, it's not daytime here, I'm calling from the state of Florida, it's umm nighttime. I had called, when I made the call, my call was made around about umm 7:30. PM. From Jacksonville Florida?
ME: Ma'am…it's 7:30 pm right now at this moment.
HER: No, it is not.
ME: Yeah, it is.
HER: Not here, not where I'm at, it's not.
ME: What time is it?
HER: Right now, umm…it's about seven…it's about seven….thirty….
ME: Yes!
HER: ….eight.
ME: No, ma'am, it's 7:30. I'm afraid your clock is off. It's 7:30. I'm in Western New York, I'm in the same time zone. Now, so you're saying your call….
HER: It was about ten or fifteen minutes ago.
ME: OK, umm……
HER: And I had called that umm ###-###-3474 number,
ME: OK, umm……
HER: THat's the number I had dialed, I didn't dial the 888-###-####.
ME: OK, then, I'm looking through our call log for the last half hour; I'm not showing any representatives whose names start with D having answered a call since…hang on a minute…
HER: It was a white male.
ME: I'm not showing anybody with a first name that starts with D since at least as far back as 5:30.
HER: Well, it wasn't no 5:30, no it wasn't. Nnn, nnn.
ME: I'm sorry, then. WIthout more information, I'm not gonna be able to trace this farther down.
HER: OK, well, we'll give it to the president of DishNetwork and I can get it written up and all, what I'm planning to do now, when I hang up with you, I'm gonna call my local police department, get a police report written up.
ME: You do that.
HER: THat's like you being denied the appropriate service; you call, and ya'll send us the flyers and everything, and I'm definitely gonna bring this up to my mayor, and city counsel attention first thing tomorrow.
ME: Yes, ma'am. The mayor, the president, I understand. Is there anything else I can help you with?
HER: Well you seem like you're still not writing it up!
ME: Ma'am, I have nothing to write up! You have no information, you've given me the wrong information about the letter of the name of the person you were talking to, you have nothing for me to go on! How can I help you without definite data - I mean, you're saying you were FBI…
HER: Well it can get forwarded to the executive administrative offices and, to tell them I'll have an attorney or somebody follow up on it in the morning.
ME: OK, let me make sure I understand what you mean. You want me to send a letter to our administrators telling them that an unidentified person whose name might start with the letter D answered a call which has no phone number, and something about it is wrong…
HER: THe phone number's, when I dial, it's saying Unlisted number.
ME: Which does not help us at all here, ma'am.
HER: That's how it shows on my caller ID…Unlisted. When I dial...
ME: Which does not help us at all. But yeah; you wanna talk to the president, you wanna talk to the mayor, you wanna talk to the police, you go ahead. But there's nothing that we could give them that would fix this because we have no data.
HER: Well, you're not gonna write it up, to at least have it on file?
ME: No ma'am. I have nothing to write up. I have no person to blame, I have no reference to make...
HER: There's gonna be a lawsuit….
ME: If there's gonna be a lawsuit, well, ma'am, if you're bringing up legal issues, I'm going to have to disconnect this call. You have a good day. *click*
I AM the evil bastard!
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