Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

When it rains, it pours (more of dendawg needs prayers, badly)

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • When it rains, it pours (more of dendawg needs prayers, badly)

    Hey folks,

    As you know, my mother died recently, and went down to KY this past Sunday for the viewing and funeral the next day. I was a complete wreck at the viewing, and could only make it up to view her once with a lot of help from mom's sis-in-law. After that, I stayed towards the back shaking hands with and getting hugs from people I never knew, as I couldn't bear to go back and see her as she was in the casket. The funeral was a cakewalk emotionally compared to the viewing.

    After this I came home to find a notice from the landlord saying my mom had until 8/17 to vacate because of an unathorized tenant (me), and an infestation problem I'd rather not get into.

    So the last couple of days have been an even bigger emotional roller coaster, which I never imagined was possible, and because of this, my anxiety problem has become very much worse, and depressed even worse also. At times, my self-esteem is almost non-existent, even before all this happened. It's bad enough to the point that my sister helped me find a mental health resource that can help me (hopefully) get hooked up with the help I need, plus hopefully housing and disability applying assistance, as since I've moved in with my mom, I've been depressed and haven't worked since then.

    The bad part is my physical appointment is in two weeks, when in another two weeks after that I have to be out before the eviction process starts, and once that does it'll be fast. (A lot of eviction cases in Hamilton county are expedited, and can go through in two-three weeks after the complaint is filed.)

    If this doesn't go through, then I don't know what will happen. FML.

  • #2
    I wish I could do something else, but I'll pray for you right now.
    "Is it hot in here to you? It's very warm, isn't it?"--Nero, probably

    Comment


    • #3
      /hugs

      I'll send good thoughts.

      Comment


      • #4
        Damn... You have my best wishes and most positive thoughts going to you.
        "Kamala the Ugandan Giant" 1950-2020 • "Bullet" Bob Armstrong 1939-2020 • "Road Warrior Animal" 1960-2020 • "Zeus" Tiny Lister Jr. 1958-2020 • "Hacksaw" Butch Reed 1954-2021 • "New Jack" Jerome Young 1963-2021 • "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff 1949-2021 • "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton 1958-2021 • Daffney 1975-2021

        Comment


        • #5
          *hugs you* Prayers sent.
          1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
          -----
          http://orchidcolors.livejournal.com (A blog about everything and nothing)

          Comment


          • #6
            My appointment's today. Wish me luck *crosses fingers*

            Comment


            • #7
              Good luck! Sending good thoughts and positive energy your way!
              "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

              Comment


              • #8
                Good luck. Crossing fingers.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Had my appointment the other day. It was basically just a two hour question & answer session, and I got assigned a "transitional" case worker I have an appointment with next Tuesday to see what programs, if any, I qualify for.

                  I'm still quite worried, partly due to a quote from this article:

                  Quoth WCPO Article Snippet
                  To qualify for some of the programs, you have to be literally homeless and on the streets and have nowhere to go.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    The rainstorm has become a monsoon. Since I have no income, for housing I'll be put onto a waiting list, during which time I'll more than likely become homeless. My sister can't put me up because there's no room at her's (2 grown boys and a dog), so my options are staying with my GF's step-dad, or my uncle in Texas. The problem is they're both easily in their 60's and I can't shake the feeling I'll be a burden to either one of them. I'm so lost. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME, MOM??

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You're going through a very difficult time. But you can and will survive this. The trick is to be the one in control . . . of yourself if nothing else.

                      There ARE things you can do. You just have to think things through.

                      For starters, you need serious grief counseling. Call your local hospice agency. If they are a non-profit, they probably have a support group that is open to the public (this is part of how hospices stay non-profit, or rather how mine does). You may be able to get free group support for one year.

                      Second, call your church. They may have emergency resources for a member in terms of both grief counseling, and emergency shelter.

                      There are shelters out there that are safe. Some will give you a guaranteed bed for up to 30 days at a time during the night (check in is usually at 6ish, checkout 8amish) while you go through programs to help you find a job and a new place to live. Your local county/city may also have day centers where you can use a computer to look for work or job training. Find those.

                      You HAVE to deal with your overall depression/anxiety issues. You've taken a step in applying for support. See if you can get Medicaid, and see a doctor at the least you may be able to get on medication until you can find a situation where you can get psychotherapy to help you deal with the real issues . . . which you MUST do to get a lasting benefit.

                      From what I've heard from a friend of mine who does Social Security disability evaluations for mental health issues, you will be denied if you are not willing to make any effort to fix your problems, or if you can't show you've at least tried to deal with them. If you have any previous medical records, you will need to get them together as part of your paperwork process, more than likely (don't produce anything until asked though). And you are likely to be denied the first time. It can take months to get Social Security Disability. Even though you can get "back pay" once you are approve for SSD, the better solution is more likely than not trying to find a way to cope through medication and therapy, and to continue to try and work in some capacity, even if part time.

                      Look into the possibility of a family member (your sister maybe?) giving you a place to stay while you get these issues sorted out. Be prepared to contribute to the house by doing chores if you can't pay rent.

                      Put together a yard sale and sell everything you can't carry with you when you leave. You may have to take pennies on the dollar, but at least it will be something and it won't be on the books, which means you can use it to float yourself for a short time (likely very short, but better than nothing).

                      Did your mother have any savings at all? If so, she's probably on the hook for any bills she owed. BUT YOU ARE NOT!!! DO NOT fall for the common scam unsecured creditors pull of trying to get you to pay her bills. Calmly explain you are not required to pay her unsecured debt and will not do so. They may threaten you. Hang up and ignore it. No court in the land will force you to pay a dead person's debt. All unsecured debt died with your mother.

                      You do not owe anything on your mothers debts with the probable exception of rent. I don't think you'd owe anything prior to your mothers death, but you may owe for after (IANAL, so check with a tenant rights organization for advice on what you might be liable for). Just because you are an illegal tenant doesn't mean you won't owe rent of some kind, and you may be liable to any damage to the apartment so do everything you can to leave it spic and span and TAKE PICTURES so you can defend yourself in court from unreasonable charges. Use a fogger when you leave to take care of the bugs (landlord may still try and charge you for a professional service though).

                      Start cleaning out the place NOW. Don't wait for the eviction to go through. That way you've disposed of every thing and can get out quick when the time comes.

                      First of all, having something productive to do will actually help your depression by giving you something else to focus on. You'll feel a sense of accomplishment at wrapping up the loose ends of your mothers life that should build your self esteem a bit.

                      Do you have a car? If yes, that's good. If nothing else you can sleep in it if you have to. Try to prioritize your funds between food and gas.

                      If your car is a car that belongs to your mother, it is property of the estate. Check the laws of your state (IANAL) to see what happens if someone dies without a will. If you're the only living child, more likely than not it all comes to you . . . after your mom's bills are paid. Secured creditors usually come first (example, if she was still making payments, they'll just repossess the car), then unsecured.

                      Check to see if your mom had any life insurance. That could float you while you try to figure out your next move. If you don't find a policy in your mom's papers, check with HR where your mom worked; they'll know. Life insurance is YOURS, it's not part of the estate and your mom's creditors can't touch it. The land lord might be able to if the laws in your state allow him to charge you rent for the time you were there or damages to the apartment.

                      You also should inherit her pension/401K/IRA if she had one. Depending on what kind of retirement plan she had, some can be tapped to pay her bills, some can't. Check with the administrator of the plan/bank where the funds are. You won't get her social security. You'll have to report her death to the Social Security Administration btw. There's a death benefit but it is very small, a couple hundred bucks. That's yours, her estate can't touch that.

                      Look to see if she had any savings bonds. They are considered cash and would be part of the estate, but could help you pay off bills. Check with her bank and see if she had a safe deposit box. You'll have to get a court order probably, or a death certificate might be enough to get the bank to open the box for you (you'll need to find her key). If you're lucky you'll find something useful there.

                      Just bear in mind anything of value you inherit that doesn't go to pay your mom's bills you have to split with your siblings. Don't expect them to be generous and let you have it all because you are down and out. People get funny when it comes to money. . . in fact, they may fight you to control the estate if they deem you irresponsible with money. Expect this and don't take it personally. Just insist on an honest accounting with the court so you get your fair share (if there really is anything).

                      I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. Losing a parent is hard enough in the best of circumstances. Good luck.
                      They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I am going thru an agency at the moment, and have told them I'm willing to do any treatment deemed necessary...unfortunately, things are moving slower than a snail stuck in molasses. My sister literally has no room for me at her house, and the executor of my mom's estate, and until she gets mom's death certificate, her bank acct. is frozen. I have no intention of leaving a forwarding address in case they do try to stick me with the cleaning bill. My sister's instructed me to clean up as best as possible, and that's what I'm doing. I plan on leaving with my mom's laptop, kindle fire, and my PS2....I'm keeping those as keepsakes, and everything else is getting tossed. Due to the bug infestation sister wants nothing from here. I might be able to deal with this better if I weren't still in mourning. I have until the 17th.
                        Last edited by dendawg; 08-06-2014, 01:37 AM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth dendawg View Post
                          I am going thru an agency at the moment, and have told them I'm willing to do any treatment deemed necessary...unfortunately, things are moving slower than a snail stuck in molasses. My sister literally has no room for me at her house, and the executor of my mom's estate, and until she gets mom's death certificate, her bank acct. is frozen. I have no intention of leaving a forwarding address in case they do try to stick me with the cleaning bill. My sister's instructed me to clean up as best as possible, and that's what I'm doing. I plan on leaving with my mom's laptop, kindle fire, and my PS2....I'm keeping those as keepsakes, and everything else is getting tossed. Due to the bug infestation sister wants nothing from here. I might be able to deal with this better if I weren't still in mourning. I have until the 17th.
                          Dealing with depression and dealing with grief are two separate issues. So consider calling your local hospice to see if they offer free grief counseling. Then you can give your mental health a one two punch to start feeling better, if nothing else.

                          I wish you the very best
                          They say that God only gives us what we can handle. Apparently, God thinks I'm a bad ass.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Most importantly, go easy on yourself. You're overwhelmed right now, as anyone would be. Knowing all that you need to do is helpful, but don't beat yourself up if you're not able to do all in a day that you had planned. If you have any friends who can help, ask them.

                            Grief just doesn't play by any rules. You'll be going through the day, thinking everything is going better (and, usually, it is) when grief gives you a kick in the ass that knocks you over. Don't be surprised by anything you feel, no matter what it is. And don't judge yourself or feel guilty because of it.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Quoth Eireann View Post
                              Grief just doesn't play by any rules. You'll be going through the day, thinking everything is going better (and, usually, it is) when grief gives you a kick in the ass that knocks you over. Don't be surprised by anything you feel, no matter what it is.
                              Ain't that the truth. Since my mom passed I've had a hard time laughing at anything, and when I DO laugh I feel bad about it later.

                              At any rate, I have yet another meeting with Talbert House today. If nothing else, that'll get my SSI application rolling. Also at my very first meeting a few weeks back they started me with disability and food stamp apps before my initial questionnaire/evaluation.

                              I can honestly say now I can identify with how Wile E. Coyote felt.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X