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Epic shoplifter bust
Old 06-07-2019, 10:11 AM
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Smapti Smapti is offline
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Default Epic shoplifter bust

This is a story that was related to me at work today by the Store Manager.

In the early afternoon, shortly before I came in for my shift, SM spots a man in the Store who he's fairly sure has been trespassed for shoplifting in the past. He tries to call for LP on his radio, but as it happens, neither Mr. Wayne nor his trustworthy associate Sparrow are on duty this day. SM lets himself into the Waynecave and sits down at the surveillance desk, from which he has full access to the 100+ cameras we have in the building. He watches the suspect as he makes his way from aisle to aisle, looking around to see if anyone is watching - and he eventually makes his way to the health & beauty aisle, and, confident that nobody is watching him, he grabs a couple packs of razor cartridges (non-perishable + high markup + can't be bought with food stamps = major payout for pro shoplifters) and stuffs them into his jacket.

Under state law, the Store has the authority to forcibly arrest and detain a shoplifter for up to four hours before either releasing them or handing them over to the police. Out of an abundance of caution, however, Store policy is that only Mr. Wayne or Sparrow may instigate a detainment; SM, assistant managers, and/or shift managers may assist Mr. Wayne, but they can't make a stop on their own.

So, just as the shoplifter is stuffing the stuff in his jacket, SM picks up the phone in Wayne's office, toggles the overhead PA, and announces "SECURITY CALL 555, SECURITY CALL 555".

This is a bluff. For one, we never call for "SECURITY" on the overhead. In order to be discreet, we would either call for "Mr. Wayne" (not the actual name), call him on the walkie-talkie, or just call the Waynecave directly. "555" isn't a real number either; he's calling the number for the Waynecave itself. To anyone who works at the Store and is in the know, the call is nonsensical, because Mr. Wayne would never need to call his own office. The point is purely to spook the shoplifter, to let them know that they're being watched.

Sure enough, the shoplifter freezes when he hears the call. He looks around and notices the camera hanging from the ceiling above that aisle, the exact camera SM is watching him from.

He looks directly at the camera, and then sticks out his tongue, throws up the horns, headbangs, takes the concealed goods out of his jacket, puts them back on the shelf, and immediately leaves the building.

The Store is employee-owned. I personally own six figures in Company stock, and that stock is a significant part of my retirement portfolio, to the point that as long as the Company is successful in coming decades, that stock will provide for me in my autumn years well in excess of my 401k and Social Security. I have nothing but contempt for people who try to steal from us, because that's robbing my retirement and the retirement of all my co-workers.

Still, I have to have a little bit of respect for a shoplifter who recognizes that he's been one-upped and decides to bow out with a bit of flair.

Last edited by Smapti; 06-07-2019 at 10:17 AM.
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Old 06-07-2019, 12:13 PM
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YamiNoHime YamiNoHime is online now
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Fantastic! Love the "Mr. Wayne and Sparrow" as well
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Old 06-07-2019, 02:43 PM
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Ghel Ghel is offline
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That is epic. Great bluff on SM's part.
“We are the superhero. None of us, individually, but all of us together.”
― Hank Green
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Old 06-12-2019, 08:48 AM
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Kit-Ginevra Kit-Ginevra is offline
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I still have not seen the epic bust l was promised in the title
.l am disappointed ��
The Copyright Monster has made me tell you that my avatar is courtesy of the wonderful Alice XZ.And you don't want to annoy the Copyright Monster.
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Old 06-12-2019, 07:10 PM
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YamiNoHime YamiNoHime is online now
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That's because I'm holding a baby in my avatar pic
My son thinks I'm Lucifer Morningstar. I'm not sure he's wrong.
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