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You gotta give me a bit more than that...

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  • You gotta give me a bit more than that...

    Some guy brings me a photocopy of an article he claims was from our paper back (alternately, depending on which time he said it) in either the 1940's, or the 1960's.

    KIIIIIINDA a difference there.

    And it was only the article with no page surroundings so I couldn't even really verify that. The article was about some little girl receiving a horse from some veterans since her's had been killed. Sweet article, cute, whatever.

    The only identifying information in the article was the girl's name, and some mentions of her being from PHILADELPHIA. We, of course, are in TEXAS.

    He DEMANDED I use that to look her up for him and let him know if she was still alive.

    Let me calculate the odds here.

    1. I have only a name, which, while more unique than "Jane Smith" isn't much so.
    2. The article could be from as much as 60 years ago.
    3. Even if it's "only" 40 years old...that's a bit beyond the archives I have immediate cracking access to. I've got 20 years at my fingertips, for most cases, that's enough. (We do have microfilms that go back to the late 1800's, but they aren't here.)
    4. A 20-year span of daily papers is kind of a lot to check.
    5. There's no identifying information that I can use to figure out if this article even WAS in our paper, so we might be SOL anyway.
    6. The chick was from Philadelphia, which is NOT something local.
    7. She could have moved anywhere in 40 years. She could be living in freaking China for all I know.
    8. Let's pretend all this doesn't matter. Even if I could look up that name across the WORLD and calculate ages to give him the most likely candidates, it's highly likely she's been married since then and that's not her name anymore anyway.

    So, I was able to tell him I hadn't run an obituary on "Jane Smythe" in the last ten years, but that was about it. He insisted I could give him more than that, and alas, I just had to look at him blankly while trying to figure out a non-smartass way to ask what medication he was on.

    After a few futile attempts to make him understand the impossibility of what he wanted, he just snatched up his photocopies and stomped out of the office swearing about our being unhelpful.

    I will now attempt to empty my desk drawer of chocolate.
    "Maybe the problem just went away...maybe it was the magical sniper fairy that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

  • #2
    he could always bug the people at town hall for records??

    this one's a head scratcher.
    look! it's ghengis khan!
    Sorry, but while I can do many things, extracting heads from anuses isn't one of them. (so sayeth the irv)

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    • #3
      In situations like this I wish there was the option of handing the task over to the person demanding the impossible and saying, "Here, if you think it's so easy you do it," then sit back and watch then flop around like a fish out of water.

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      • #4
        He'd have been better off at a library reference desk. I used to get questions like this *all* the time.
        GK/Kara/Jester fangirl.

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        • #5
          Maybe he should get a job with the police dept. I'm sure they'd be happy to assign him all the missing person files since he's so sure that a name and a few decades span of time difference is all you really need.
          "All I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who out-drew ya"

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          • #6
            I was forced to eat half a Butterfinger after reading that.

            Seriously, the Internet is a wonderful thing. There are lots of lovely companies who will be happy to search all over the world, for a small fee, for his lost love (the girl or the horse).
            Labor boards have info on local laws for free
            HR believes the first person in the door
            Learn how to go over whackamole bosses' heads safely
            Document everything
            CS proves Dunning-Kruger effect

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            • #7
              Quoth wagegoth View Post
              his lost love (the girl or the horse).
              Hahahahahahahaha!!
              It's been a long, long, long, long time...

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