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  • Crazy tree lady

    So this lady comes up to ask for help in floral which isn’t unusual at the time as the actual floral peeps have gone home by then.

    Only no.

    This lady takes 3 f***ing hours!

    “What do you think about that one” (proceeds to disregard anything I say) “maybe I should get all three” (will it get you out of here? I have shot to do) “well what will it look like when it grows up?” (How the fuck should I know? Depends on a lot of factors. Are you planting it in the ground or in a pot? Soil? Watering? Are you planning to train it a certain way? Just buy something or get out of the store already!)

    When she finally bought something she put the other trees on hold. “Just in case”

    Then two weeks later after floral constantly trying to get a hold of her to say hey we need to know if you’re still buying this or not because it’s product and we have to move it or money isn’t being made. She finally comes in.

    “This isn’t the tree I put on hold.” “It doesn’t look the same!” (Well imagine leaving a tree alone for two weeks in the beginning of the growing season and coming back to find out it’s grown a few inches!) Etc for a good half hour.

    Then it’s “well it was at this price! That’s what I paid for the others!” (That was two weeks ago lady. Sale ended get over it and no we won’t don't even ask.)

    It was one of those Japanese maples and if given the right conditions those things grow fast for a tree. The one I bought last year is almost double the size this year. That being said my garden sometime gigantifies things it shouldn’t. Normal plants don’t just grow aggressively they get to be many times their standard size and not because their a special species that does that. My calla lilies have grown to disturbing sizes for instance. I can pluck a single flower and the flower itself is big enough that its the size of my sink (the actual sink not the counter the sink is sunk into. And they seem to be getting bigger each year... yet I kill tulips... And succulents...
    Don’t worry about what I’m up to. Worry about why you are worried about what I’m up to.

  • #2
    Quoth AkaiKitsune View Post
    That being said my garden sometime gigantifies things it shouldn’t. Normal plants don’t just grow aggressively they get to be many times their standard size and not because their a special species that does that. My calla lilies have grown to disturbing sizes for instance. I can pluck a single flower and the flower itself is big enough that its the size of my sink (the actual sink not the counter the sink is sunk into. And they seem to be getting bigger each year... yet I kill tulips... And succulents...
    So, is your garden planted over an old radioactive waste dump or something?

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    • #3
      Better

      Quoth Mental_Mouse View Post
      So, is your garden planted over an old radioactive waste dump or something?

      He hopes, because the alternative is an old Indian Burial Site, and no good will come if they plant a Venus Flytrap or Pitcher-Plant. And for every bodies sake don't even look at a Rafflesia arnoldii.

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      • #4
        If they start asking to be fed and eat your dentist, time to get out the round up.
        AkaiKitsune
        Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

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        • #5
          Quoth Mental_Mouse View Post
          So, is your garden planted over an old radioactive waste dump or something?
          My mother's father used to buy a truckload of well-rotted manure from local farms for his garden. One year he just left it in a pile in the corner of the garden, rather than spreading it around. The tomato plants in that area grew eight feet tall ... and got some worried comments from passersby ...
          Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
          ~ Mr Hero

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          • #6
            Quoth Pixelated View Post
            ... The tomato plants in that area grew eight feet tall ... and got some worried comments from passersby ...
            And naive students smoking purloined leaves...
            I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
            Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
            Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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            • #7
              I grew up in a semi-rural area. We had free range chickens that roamed the yard. My dad did a lazy man’s compost. He would dig a pit about 3 feet/1meter in diameter and 18”/50 cm deep. We had a becket n the kitchen for vegetable scraps. He’d dump them in the pit along with other compostable stuff.

              The chickens would jump in, rake the stuff around, which would break it down, and add some extra, um, nitrogen. When it got near the top, Dad would cover it with a layer of dirt and let it mellow. The pits became next year’s vegetable garden.

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              • #8
                Quoth Pixelated View Post
                My mother's father used to buy a truckload of well-rotted manure from local farms for his garden. One year he just left it in a pile in the corner of the garden, rather than spreading it around. The tomato plants in that area grew eight feet tall ... and got some worried comments from passersby ...
                Maybe they saw the movie Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.
                "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

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                • #9
                  Rabbits

                  Since we were in the city, we had rabbits. We (my brothers and I) would cover the floor with cut grass and the rabbits would poop on it. We would take that to the backyard and bury it in the area the garden would be. Fill it up one year, leave over the winter , and the following year the plant grew and grew.

                  Nowadays I have a indoor garden, so I don't use manure because the smell will build up inside.

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                  • #10
                    This woman would hate living in the New Orleans area Due to the constant shifting of the below-sea-level earth there, the "coffee grounds" soil tends to be unusually rich. Plants that are meant for that climate (VERY humid, sub-tropical) do really well, while a number of plants that have no business growing that really have no business growing that far north (at all), such as bananas, plaintains, citrus, and bamboo, thrive with minimal upkeep.
                    "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                    "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                    "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                    "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                    "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                    "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                    Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                    "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

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                    • #11
                      I once had a woman come in to buy some plants and asked if the one she chose would grow well with minimal work. I looked at the plant.. wisteria. In Arkansas. "Oh, it will grow all right, but will require a lot of work to keep it from taking over your yard." Seriously, our backyard would be almost all wisteria if my dad didn't cut to the ground every year and spent all year cutting runners!
                      If I make no sense, I apologize. I'm constantly interrupted by an actual toddler.

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                      • #12
                        We've had some warmer weather and a lot of rain, and plants are growing like, well, weeds. Our back yard looks like a jungle.

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                        • #13
                          Quoth Sparklyturtle View Post
                          We've had some warmer weather and a lot of rain, and plants are growing like, well, weeds. Our back yard looks like a jungle.
                          that was my front lawn until I was able to FINALLY cut grass today without it raining
                          I'm lost without a paddle and headed up SH*T creek.
                          -- Life Sucks Then You Die.


                          "I'll believe corp. are people when Texas executes one."

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