A couple of early tales from the lumber department

[Pixelated]

I haven't run into any weird or sucky customers, but I think that's partly because I'm a humble cashier, and the actual salespeople are getting 'em all.

Two items from our lumber department:

1) Customer wants lumber with no knotholes. NONE, NADA, ZIP. Salesperson, later on: "Well, you find me a tree with no branches and I'll find you lumber with no knotholes."

2) Woman comes in looking for lumber for some project. It has to be very special lumber ... "It has to speak to me!" Salesperson's expression when he was relating this was hilarious.

Well, ma'am, you be sure to let us know if our lumber is talking to you ... **puts phone number of Ripley's Believe It or Not" on speed dial **

[protege]

2) Woman comes in looking for lumber for some project. It has to be very special lumber ... "It has to speak to me!"

Soooo many ways to go with this

[Argus]

Soooo many ways to go with this

Would this be one of them?

[TheSHAD0W]

Customer wants lumber with no knotholes. NONE, NADA, ZIP.

It exists (depending on the type of wood), it's called "grade A lumber", and it's something you'd find at a specialty lumber place, not at a hardware store.

[csquared]

It exists (depending on the type of wood), it's called "grade A lumber", and it's something you'd find at a specialty lumber place, not at a hardware store.

It is also expensive and tends to come in smaller pieces.

[Mental_Mouse]

Iirc, even sentient pear wood doesn't talk....

[dalesys]

Iirc, even sentient pear wood doesn't talk....

It will put the bite on you...

[Buzzard]

And/or give you SUCH a kicking.


That aside, when I was a kid, dad enclosed the front porch to double the size of the living room, and add a dining room, but since the front wall is kinda load bearing, a special piece of super-lumber was needed. It took him some time, but he found one that was bowed to give an arch where the load would straighten it out. Some 30 years and any number of earthquakes later, the old house is still standing.

[Jetfire]

2) Woman comes in looking for lumber for some project. It has to be very special lumber ... "It has to speak to me!" Salesperson's expression when he was relating this was hilarious.

Come on, all these replies and not the most obvious modern take?

She could get the lumber to speak to her, but all it tends to say is "I am Groot"

[emax4]

2) Woman comes in looking for lumber for some project. It has to be very special lumber ... "It has to speak to me!"

"Yes... yes, I- I hear it now. It's saying, 'Buy all the wood in the store at full price!'."

[MoonCat]

I don't think she's going to find an ent in a hardware store

[Ironclad Alibi]

All the lumber was saying to her was, "Knot me, knot me."

[Employee28567]

https://youtu.be/Xt4ua_ZNoD0

[Ironclad Alibi]

The Log Song

[Pixelated]

You guys are hilarious!

One of my coworkers has taken the matter to Health and Safety, on the grounds that the cashier in that area is completely invisible to the rest of the store after 5 p.m. Quite true, as the staff who work at the contractors' desk go home at 5 p.m., and while I believe there is usually a lumber 'specialist' still on the floor, good luck in finding them. And the cash register is behind a sort of half-wall and can NOT be seen from most of the rest of the store. If someone comes in through that 'back' door with nefarious intent, the cashier is SOL.