In a contest between you and a goldfish...

[Dadeo]

...the goldfish wins hands (fins?) down

I get a call from a user who can't log on. I look him up on the system to find that he has not only created one account an hour ago but he's created another one literally five minutes before calling me. He can't remember his password. Seriously? After three minutes? (I'm figuring in a couple of minutes to remember how to use the phone).

Me: Okay, just click on the "forgot password" button and it will send you an email...
CL: OK?

I can see the activity on screen, he's tried to log on again.

Me: No, click the "forgot password" button.
CL: Oh, OK? (Oddly, everything he said sounded like a question)

He clicks it... and does nothing.

CL: Now what?
Me: Check your email. It will have instructions on how to reset your password.
CL: Then what?
Me: Y'know what? I'm just going to do it from here. What do you want your password to be?
CL: Well, I think my old password was XXXXX...
Me: That's nice but what do you want your password to be now?
CL: ... or maybe it was YYYYY.
Me: Don't care, your new password is ZZZZZ.
Me: Can you log on now?
CL: Uh huh?
Me: What's your password?
CL: ZZZZZ?
Me: Write it down.
CL: What?
Me: Write it down and put in in your drawer or something. (Passwords are really more of a formality for this particular system).
CL: Ok?
Me: Anything else?
CL: No?
Me: Glad I could help.

[no_more_tech_support]

There is a very special sort of problem user who seems to have problems that go far, far deeper than a lack of familiarity with computers or with your system in particular. With these users, you're surprised that they were able to navigate to your site/app in the first place, that they were able to power on their PC before that, and that they were able to securely fasten their pants about their waists earlier that day. It's the constant "huh?" or non sequitur responses, the long pauses before answering questions like "What's your first name?", and the inescapable feeling that they are eating paste while you are speaking to them... The experience of speaking to these folks is, I think, very much like what it would be like if one could somehow talk to a raccoon. Only less scientifically valuable.

[PepperElf]

I once had a staring contest with a gold fish.

but seriously, heh. I'm surprised he was even able to turn the computer on, let alone remember the password.



YnkgdGhlIHdheSB0aGF0J3MgYSBjdXRlIHNpZyE=

[suburbandecay]

I've had a user calling/emailing me for the past three weeks because "he isn't getting new email". I had to switch him to IMAP from POP3 and I left his POP3 mailbox behind for reference. I've shown him several times how to find his new email in Outlook and he just can't get it. And this guys runs his own company.

[mhkohne]

There is a very special sort of problem user who seems to have problems that go far, far deeper than a lack of familiarity with computers or with your system in particular. With these users, you're surprised that they were able to navigate to your site/app in the first place, that they were able to power on their PC before that, and that they were able to securely fasten their pants about their waists earlier that day. It's the constant "huh?" or non sequitur responses, the long pauses before answering questions like "What's your first name?", and the inescapable feeling that they are eating paste while you are speaking to them... The experience of speaking to these folks is, I think, very much like what it would be like if one could somehow talk to a raccoon. Only less scientifically valuable.

The user is calling on the phone. I think your assumption that they succeeded with the pants is unwarranted. Frankly, all we can be sure of is that they didn't get killed by their pants. Everything else is pure conjecture.

[Hyndis]

The user is calling on the phone. I think your assumption that they succeeded with the pants is unwarranted. Frankly, all we can be sure of is that they didn't get killed by their pants. Everything else is pure conjecture.

The pants may very well be pink camo pants. That would surely explain a lot about the support calls I get.


Now to be fair, not everyone is like that. Quite a few people are able to intelligently answer questions as well as to relay to me exactly what they are doing and what they are seeing on the screen. However a disturbing percentage of the calls, well...lets just say pink camo pants is the only explanation.

If you're calling for tech support you do not need to know what is causing the problem, nor do you need to speculate as to the causes, nor do you need to be a computer scientist. All you need to do is read to me whatever message is being displayed on the screen, and then follow my instructions from there. Do that, and its like a 3 minute fix.

Don't do that? It might get fixed. Eventually. But it will take weeks. If it ever gets fixed. Garbage in, garbage out. If you're giving me garbage information then all of my troubleshooting steps will go nowhere.

[Argus]

And if someone else wanders by and changes something that I just confirmed was correct, well ....

One time a friend called me because a power failure had caused the cable/VCR/TV setup to stop working, so I was working on fixing things over the phone. First step: Set the TV to channel 3, put a prerecorded tape in the VCR, and confirm thereby that the VCR's output switch is set to 3. After removing the tape, the roommate entered the room and flipped the "magic switch" on the back of the VCR that his girlfriend at the video store had once told him about.

[sstabeler]

don't tell me... the magic switch was the power switch.

[Argus]

don't tell me... the magic switch was the power switch.

No, the VCR's output switch. (The one that I had just checked over the phone.)

[sstabeler]

I'm not sure if that's any better, to be honest.