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More stories from my horrible new customers. It is becoming increasingly obvious that I don't want to be there anymore, and I am beginning to answer back to people. I know that lowers me a bit, but seriously, all this just happened to me last night.
No humour allowed!
Before I started my shift, the manager asked me to go and do a toilet check. I'm sure a lot of people in bars know about these. Basically, every hour or so, we go in, give it a check, and sign a form and what time we checked it at.
I entered the toilets. Two men are at the urinals. I check the cubicals, just to make sure none of the toilets are overflowing, a mess, have fun out of toilet paper, ect ect.
The men are now washing their hands and are watching me sign the forms. I was quite cheerful and jokingly said:
Me: Ah well, no dead bodies today!
One of the men laughed. As I left, I heard the other
SC: I am having a fucking word with his fucking manager!
He came downstairs and demanded to see him.
Customer told it like this: I went into the toilet to PERV on him, I snooped around and tried to walk in on people in cubicals (there was no one else in the toilets except for the three of us) and then I made an offensive joke. He recommended to the manager that I should be fired, as I am clearly a time waster who is not paid to make jokes.
Table service!
I take a family their meals.
SC: While you're here, get me a pint of Guiness, a large white wine and two kids pepsi's
Me: I'm sorry, but we don't do table service. You will have to go to the bar for your drinks.
SC: Whatever happened to going that extra mile for your customers?
Me: Sir, at this moment in time there are probably about a dozen meals waiting to go out, and I am the only person handling them. I'm really sorry, but I don't have the time.
I am not a dog
I am taking some more meals out, and I hear a customer whistling at me.
SC: *whistles* MORE GRAVY HERE PLEASE!
I ignored him and carried on working.
SC: *whistles again* OI! SERVICE! NOW!
I ignored him, but made sure I walked past him when I next walked into the kitchen.
SC: OI! I CALLED YOU!
Me: I'm sorry, but I am not a dog. I will not come running when I am whistled at. Next time you whistle, would you like me to bring you a ball so we can play a little fetch?
SC: I...urr...errr
SC'S Wife: You were a little rude dear.
A little?? I had had enough. I went onto the bar to serve drinks.
Coupons
Lady came up to the bar.
SC: OK, I would like...ALL of these!
She threw a pile of coupons in front of me, there must have been about a dozen of them.
Me: I'm sorry, but if you read the fine print of these coupons, you will see that it says you can only use one at a time, and only one PER visit at the bar.
SC: No it doesnt!
Me: Yes it does...here. *I read it aloud to her)
SC: OK then, get me a pint of carling. *hands me the carling coupon and pays*
I make the drink, as I am making it, she walks to the exit, steps one foot outside, and comes back in.
SC: Now, I left the bar, now I am making a new visit! Vodka red bull! *hands me vodka red bull coupon)
Me: Nice try. Not going to work.
SC: But I left!
Me: Oh well, seeing as you left, I'll just pour this Carling down the sink shall I? Seeing as you left the premisis with your drink unattended?
I was now holding her precious Carling hostage. She snatched it off me and walked away. Never saw her again.
No life allowed!
A close friend of mine came up to the bar.
Friend: Hey customersruinmylife! What time do you finish at?
A customer jumps in, but he wasn't the customer I was serving.
SC: He'll finish when there are no more customers!
Me: *to friend* I finish at midnight.
Friend: Oh cool, do you wanna meet up?
SC: Wait a minute! This place is open til 2am! What are you doing finishing at midnight?
Me: Just lucky I guess. *to friend* Do you wanna meet me here when I'm done?
Friend: Sure, see you later customersruinmylife!
SC: No, no, no...this doesn't make sense at all.
Nope, no service for you
A man and his wife were getting a little impatient, so the man thought the perfect way to grab the barstaffs attention was to sit his wife on his shoulders and have her wave her arms screaming "YOO-HOO!"
Me: GET...THE...FUCK...DOWN...NOW! (I was livid)
The man tried to drop his wife, but she panicked. Her solution was to grab the light fixture above her head! She ripped it clean off the ceiling and the two of them fell to the floor with an enormous thud!
A member of doorstaff picked them up and threw them out
Perfect Comeback
I was loosing it, I didnt want to be there anymore.
A scruffy customer came up to the bar, very chav like, looked like he had about twenty kids to different women
SC: Oi! I've been waiting ages! I've been waiting five minutes to be served!
Me: Then you are one of the lucky ones sir. The line is massive.
SC: Just you remember who pays your wages!
Me: Yes, and just you remember who pays your benefits, MY TAXES, which you spend here, so technically, I am paying your wages!
He gasped. I served him in the end, and he was unusually friendly.
The Flood
I finished my shift. We were the only bar still open, so I met my friend and we got a bottle of wine.
The manager was running around like a madman, I got a bit worried.
Me: What's wrong?
Manager: Someones clogged a urinal and we can't unclog it. It keeps filling itself up with water and is overflowing.
Me: Can you shut the water off?
Manager: I can, but customers keep going in and using the bathrooms, and I don't know what will be worse: a wet floor or a few hundred using the toilets and not flushing them.
Me: I see your point. What about putting a mop bucket under there?
Manager: Thats what I'm about to do!
He rushed off.
The mop bucket didnt last long, it overflowed as well, and here is where it got bad:
There was a crack, and a large amount of water started coming through the ceiling! It got worse and worse and worse until it looked like there was a waterfull in the middle of the bar. It was getting in the electrics and lights.
The manager and doorstaff started evacuating the bar before the electrics blew. A lot of customers put up a protest, but were quickly thrown out by the huge bouncers.
I dont know what happened next. Seeing as I had been drinking, I had to go too, or there manager would have been in trouble. But I do know everything was business as usual today.
I can't believe all this happened. I think I need a psychiatrist.
No humour allowed!
Before I started my shift, the manager asked me to go and do a toilet check. I'm sure a lot of people in bars know about these. Basically, every hour or so, we go in, give it a check, and sign a form and what time we checked it at.
I entered the toilets. Two men are at the urinals. I check the cubicals, just to make sure none of the toilets are overflowing, a mess, have fun out of toilet paper, ect ect.
The men are now washing their hands and are watching me sign the forms. I was quite cheerful and jokingly said:
Me: Ah well, no dead bodies today!
One of the men laughed. As I left, I heard the other
SC: I am having a fucking word with his fucking manager!
He came downstairs and demanded to see him.
Customer told it like this: I went into the toilet to PERV on him, I snooped around and tried to walk in on people in cubicals (there was no one else in the toilets except for the three of us) and then I made an offensive joke. He recommended to the manager that I should be fired, as I am clearly a time waster who is not paid to make jokes.
Table service!
I take a family their meals.
SC: While you're here, get me a pint of Guiness, a large white wine and two kids pepsi's
Me: I'm sorry, but we don't do table service. You will have to go to the bar for your drinks.
SC: Whatever happened to going that extra mile for your customers?
Me: Sir, at this moment in time there are probably about a dozen meals waiting to go out, and I am the only person handling them. I'm really sorry, but I don't have the time.
I am not a dog
I am taking some more meals out, and I hear a customer whistling at me.
SC: *whistles* MORE GRAVY HERE PLEASE!
I ignored him and carried on working.
SC: *whistles again* OI! SERVICE! NOW!
I ignored him, but made sure I walked past him when I next walked into the kitchen.
SC: OI! I CALLED YOU!
Me: I'm sorry, but I am not a dog. I will not come running when I am whistled at. Next time you whistle, would you like me to bring you a ball so we can play a little fetch?
SC: I...urr...errr
SC'S Wife: You were a little rude dear.
A little?? I had had enough. I went onto the bar to serve drinks.
Coupons
Lady came up to the bar.
SC: OK, I would like...ALL of these!
She threw a pile of coupons in front of me, there must have been about a dozen of them.
Me: I'm sorry, but if you read the fine print of these coupons, you will see that it says you can only use one at a time, and only one PER visit at the bar.
SC: No it doesnt!
Me: Yes it does...here. *I read it aloud to her)
SC: OK then, get me a pint of carling. *hands me the carling coupon and pays*
I make the drink, as I am making it, she walks to the exit, steps one foot outside, and comes back in.
SC: Now, I left the bar, now I am making a new visit! Vodka red bull! *hands me vodka red bull coupon)
Me: Nice try. Not going to work.
SC: But I left!
Me: Oh well, seeing as you left, I'll just pour this Carling down the sink shall I? Seeing as you left the premisis with your drink unattended?
I was now holding her precious Carling hostage. She snatched it off me and walked away. Never saw her again.
No life allowed!
A close friend of mine came up to the bar.
Friend: Hey customersruinmylife! What time do you finish at?
A customer jumps in, but he wasn't the customer I was serving.
SC: He'll finish when there are no more customers!
Me: *to friend* I finish at midnight.
Friend: Oh cool, do you wanna meet up?
SC: Wait a minute! This place is open til 2am! What are you doing finishing at midnight?
Me: Just lucky I guess. *to friend* Do you wanna meet me here when I'm done?
Friend: Sure, see you later customersruinmylife!
SC: No, no, no...this doesn't make sense at all.
Nope, no service for you
A man and his wife were getting a little impatient, so the man thought the perfect way to grab the barstaffs attention was to sit his wife on his shoulders and have her wave her arms screaming "YOO-HOO!"
Me: GET...THE...FUCK...DOWN...NOW! (I was livid)
The man tried to drop his wife, but she panicked. Her solution was to grab the light fixture above her head! She ripped it clean off the ceiling and the two of them fell to the floor with an enormous thud!
A member of doorstaff picked them up and threw them out
Perfect Comeback
I was loosing it, I didnt want to be there anymore.
A scruffy customer came up to the bar, very chav like, looked like he had about twenty kids to different women
SC: Oi! I've been waiting ages! I've been waiting five minutes to be served!
Me: Then you are one of the lucky ones sir. The line is massive.
SC: Just you remember who pays your wages!
Me: Yes, and just you remember who pays your benefits, MY TAXES, which you spend here, so technically, I am paying your wages!
He gasped. I served him in the end, and he was unusually friendly.
The Flood
I finished my shift. We were the only bar still open, so I met my friend and we got a bottle of wine.
The manager was running around like a madman, I got a bit worried.
Me: What's wrong?
Manager: Someones clogged a urinal and we can't unclog it. It keeps filling itself up with water and is overflowing.
Me: Can you shut the water off?
Manager: I can, but customers keep going in and using the bathrooms, and I don't know what will be worse: a wet floor or a few hundred using the toilets and not flushing them.
Me: I see your point. What about putting a mop bucket under there?
Manager: Thats what I'm about to do!
He rushed off.
The mop bucket didnt last long, it overflowed as well, and here is where it got bad:
There was a crack, and a large amount of water started coming through the ceiling! It got worse and worse and worse until it looked like there was a waterfull in the middle of the bar. It was getting in the electrics and lights.
The manager and doorstaff started evacuating the bar before the electrics blew. A lot of customers put up a protest, but were quickly thrown out by the huge bouncers.
I dont know what happened next. Seeing as I had been drinking, I had to go too, or there manager would have been in trouble. But I do know everything was business as usual today.
I can't believe all this happened. I think I need a psychiatrist.
Thanks for replying 
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