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My Encounter With Her Majesty

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  • My Encounter With Her Majesty

    I'm only assuming that she was a queen by the way she addressed me as a member of her court.

    Backtracking a bit, I was asked to cover for a co-worker who has fallen on tough times and had to take a leave of absence. As one of the few long-timers left, I've done every job in the store at some point so switching assignments is no big deal. The responsibilities change ever so slightly but the basic requirements remain the same.

    In other words, "...falling off of a log" and "...riding a bike". You get my point.

    What I had forgotten is that different positions require different levels of exposure to the public. For instance, a receiving clerk rarely has to deal with customers. Dealing with vendors making deliveries is 180 degrees starboard of Customer Island. In that place, some people like to assume that they're carrying your paycheck in their wallet and that your degree of happiness on payday depends solely on their level of satisfaction once they have completed their shopping experience and reach the checkout.

    Before today, it had been literally years since I had been in my co-worker's position. It took a while for the unused synapses to fire but they cranked right up and soon I was cruising along at an impressive clip.

    Roughly two hours from the end of my shift, I heard her voice. My work station was in the center of the store so she was half-way through her shopping experience on her way to Checkout and ultimately Final Judgement.

    From eight feet away by my reconning, she immediately assailed me with her displeasure.

    Queen: I wish you people would do this crap when people aren't trying to shop! You're nothing but in the way!

    Now that I think about that moment, I'm impressed with the number of tasks that the human brain can carry out in a very short amount of time. Most of it was done as she delivered her pronouncement of displeasure.

    Shock lasted milliseconds. The problem with shock is that reflex tends to bypass logic and corporate programming. I recovered quickly enough having previously conditioned myself with the mental equivalent of a surge protector. Incidentally, my corporate programming has been reduced to a tiny app that I only run when I need it.

    Still, I'm human. I've seen these Queens before and have ultimately decided that sympathy is the emotion more appropriately expressed (albeit internally) than any of the miriad, negative emotions that could be used for reciprocation.

    As a result, I ran my app and played my part.

    Me: I'm so sorry, Ma'am! I'll be happy to move wherever you need me if I'm in your way. I'm sorry about having to do this work while you're here but we have to schedule our assignments around delivery schedules.

    My words sailed right past her even as she physically passed me. She gave no hint that my explanation had even reached her ears. Her responce made it clear that my thoughts did not become her own. Vocal communication seemed to be ineffective.

    Queen: It doesn't even do me any good to call the corporate office. I've tried for years to get you people out of my way so I can shop in peace. You should all be working the night shift!

    Let's talk Fuses.

    Some people are described as having short or long ones based on the amount of adversity it takes to "set them off".

    Today, I realized that my fuse, although long, is difficult to ignite. Once lit, however, it burns at a speed in direct relation to the temperature of the ignition flame.

    I recalled my years on night shift in a flash of memory. I recalled my decision to demand that my work schedule be based on my evolving family as I went from single to husband to parent-of-one and then two. Schools have specified hours of operation and my two-year-stint of taking two hour naps twice per day is completely out of the question now that daylight and love has made it so much easier to convey the joy I feel daily in a way that fits the corporate profile.

    I share my happiness with my customers.

    This one, however, lit my fuse.

    Me: Ma'am, I've been staying out of your way for a quarter of a century. I'm not going back for your convenience.

    She said nothing in response.

    I glanced at a nearby customer who gave my a wink and a smile before I removed myself from the sales floor.

    There, I encountered my unit manager going about some other business.

    Me: You'll probably get a customer complaint about me soon.
    UM: What happened?

    I conveyed the story you've read but with vocal and facial expressions accentuated with body language to take the place of the literary requirements needed in this format.

    UM: What a bitch!

    It was then that I realized that on her journey down the aisle in which I was working, she hadn't picked up a single item.

    She had located and homed in on a "Uniform" for the sole intention of flexing her bitch-muscles.

    Now I just feel sorry for her again.

    Not sorry enough to deny her of her well-deserved fame on this discussion board.

    Long Live the Queen(s)!
    Last edited by Koliedrus; 07-20-2007, 09:31 PM.

  • #2
    Wait - she called (presumably repeatedly) corporate to have them tell your sales floor people to not stock the shelves while the store is open? This brand of SC is also the ones that complain that "they can never find anyone to help" and/or "there isn't anymore x product on the shelves". I think these people think all sales floor staff should stand at the end of each aisle doing nothing but waiting for the opportunity to be their personal shopper.

    Comment


    • #3
      Quoth auntiem View Post
      Wait - she called (presumably repeatedly) corporate to have them tell your sales floor people to not stock the shelves while the store is open? This brand of SC is also the ones that complain that "they can never find anyone to help" and/or "there isn't anymore x product on the shelves". I think these people think all sales floor staff should stand at the end of each aisle doing nothing but waiting for the opportunity to be their personal shopper.
      I'm posting as a form of therapy.

      You've just indicated that you share my pain.

      I understand that therapy is a "process".

      Expect more posts from me as time progresses and permits.



      Take this other type of Queen:

      Your department is paged over the PA system to answer a call.

      You are the only one with enough life, curiosity and stupidity to gravitate toward the nearest phone.

      "Are Pepsis ore Cokes on sale this weeK? We need enough for 18 people but we don't want them to go flat. I'll wait."

      Hmmm.

      First of all, I didn't hire on with rules that required me to perform rudimentary thought processes for those who didn't notice that "school" was something other than a hormonal playground. People actually LEARN things other than "street smarts" in those buildings.

      I usually cave, though. The math is easy.

      Yeah, people lazily shop by phone.

      I've started using the "Hold On, Please" method.

      It was initiated with telemarketers in mind but it works quite well for shop-by-phonies.

      Say the words, set it down and go back to what you were doing. If anyone asks, tell them you forgot.

      Don't forget the Mute/hold button if you have one.

      Comment


      • #4
        Quoth Koliedrus View Post
        Yeah, people lazily shop by phone.

        I've started using the "Hold On, Please" method.

        It was initiated with telemarketers in mind but it works quite well for shop-by-phonies.

        Say the words, set it down and go back to what you were doing. If anyone asks, tell them you forgot.

        Don't forget the Mute/hold button if you have one.
        Thank you, because I'm adopting this for one particular patron, who apparently has ALL day to go online and place requests for books/CDs/DVDs, but insists on calling us every other day to see if any of his requests have come in.

        IUH: Tired, old me
        SC: So, yeah

        IUH: Do you go online to place your own requests (knowing full well that he does, since this he and I are part of a vicious, endless loop)?

        SC: Yes, I do.

        IUH: So then, you're already aware that while you're online placing your requests, you can access your account and be informed of what has arrived at the library, ready for you to pick up?

        SC: It's ALWAYS wrong ... it's never updated (Hello! It's like, instantaneous! The requests just need to be unpacked and checked in).

        IUH: (Repeating myself, yet again) It will be if you check after 2 pm. Our mail usually comes between 11 am and 1 pm. All mail is checked in by 2 pm.

        SC: (Totally ignoring me ... again!) Is there anything there for me to pick up?

        IUH: *sigh* Please hold.

        Next time, I'm taking your advice ... let him wait. Thanks!
        I love mankind ... it's people I can't stand. -- Linus Van Pelt

        Comment


        • #5
          Once at the grocery store my husband came across a nasty old man viciously berating a poor stock clerk because the kid was in his way, blocking something he wanted on the shelf. My husband told the old guy to back off and spent the next couple minutes, consoling this poor teenager who was near tears and kept saying "If he told me what he wanted I would have gotten it for him."

          I love my husband
          https://www.facebook.com/authorpatriciacorrell/

          Comment


          • #6
            Quoth Ill_Used_Heroine View Post
            Thank you, because I'm adopting this for one particular patron, who apparently has ALL day to go online and place requests for books/CDs/DVDs, but insists on calling us every other day to see if any of his requests have come in.
            I always got this one old fart at the green-and-white place that had nothing better to do but look up obscure shit on the website and then come in and try to order it. (How he always managed to find me, I do not know.) Only I could never get him to understand that he needed to read the damn information on the screen. "Out of stock" invariably also means that it's out of print. Just because you're ordering it at the store, doesn't mean we can get it either. Plus the fact that the website is for the whole damn company and not all the divisions have the same listings. Of course, what he was really doing was saving himself the shipping costs. You order something at the store, you don't have to pay shipping, whereas, if you order online, you do. I understand wanting to save money (I am of Scottish ancestry, after all ), but this always seemed somewhat underhanded to me. Meh.
            It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

            Comment


            • #7
              Oh, my head...

              A position has opened up in customer-service/accounting and I've been asked to fill it. With myself.

              This after the CS manager learned about the encounter related above.

              It's been a while since I've made a Pro/Con list.


              The hours are better, the pay is the same but, GOD... customers...


              I think reading more stories here will help me decide.

              Comment


              • #8
                Since February we've been doing our truck stocking during the mornings. Before that trucks were stocked overnight. Corporate did away with the overnight stocking, citing high-minded reasons like "We want to integrate the stocking crews with the rest of the team" and "To provide better Customer service." Real reason: they didn't want to pay our $1 extra an hour shift premium anymore.

                Technically, we are not allowed to have any pallets of merchandise on the floor after the store opens at 8:00 am, but this is only followed when there are suits in the store. Otherwise we'd have to take all the pallets back to the backroom at 8:00 and only be allowed to have one small cart of merchandise per stocker on the floor at a time. And then we'd never finish and corporate would be bitching about how we're missing our truck processing goals.

                But if we have the pallets on the floor Customers supposedly will trip and fall on them, or at least be inconvenienced because they have to walk around us working.

                Aside: I used "Customers" with a capital C for a reason: In all our literature, from annual reports to training manuals, "Customer" is given a capital C. However, "employees" is always lower-case. Which should tell you where we peons rank in the store hierarchy. I figure we are of more importance to the company than copier paper, but rank right below the scanner guns.
                Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                Comment


                • #9
                  Quoth Irving Patrick Freleigh View Post
                  Technically, we are not allowed to have any pallets of merchandise on the floor after the store opens at 8:00 am, but this is only followed when there are suits in the store.
                  Are you forced to wear red polos and khakis?

                  That set up sounds awfully familiar. (also, familiarly awful, thanks, Keapon Laffin!)

                  Also, if this is the case, are they not 'Guests' in your handbook?
                  "I call murder on that!"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Quoth Juwl View Post
                    Are you forced to wear red polos and khakis?

                    That set up sounds awfully familiar. (also, familiarly awful, thanks, Keapon Laffin!)

                    Also, if this is the case, are they not 'Guests' in your handbook?

                    "Guest's"?

                    I hope that I shall never see
                    That handbook ever read by me.

                    As it turns out, the Grunts doing the work actually have a pretty good idea of how things could operate better.

                    Use your talents and express your ideas. I can tell you, first hand, that good ideas aren't ignored.

                    That said, I feel a bit of personal regret for helping a micro-manager launch himself into a different career. I'm sure he's happier now that he's settled into whatever he chose.

                    That stuff about the pen and the sword...

                    It's true.
                    Last edited by Koliedrus; 07-22-2007, 12:57 AM.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quoth Juwl View Post
                      Are you forced to wear red polos and khakis?

                      That set up sounds awfully familiar. (also, familiarly awful, thanks, Keapon Laffin!)

                      Also, if this is the case, are they not 'Guests' in your handbook?
                      1. That WAS the dress code, until about 3 years ago. Now our shirts are navy blue, until the beginning of August when they turn baby-poop green.

                      2. We never have referred to Customers as "guests" and hopefully never will. I do not work for Target, but for a competitor retailer which I am not naming but other people may be able to guess.
                      Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

                      "I never said I wasn't a horrible person."--Me, almost daily

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth Juwl View Post
                        That set up sounds awfully familiar. (also, familiarly awful, thanks, Keapon Laffin!)
                        Quest for Glory 2?!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth AnaKhouri View Post
                          Once at the grocery store my husband came across a nasty old man viciously berating a poor stock clerk because the kid was in his way, blocking something he wanted on the shelf. My husband told the old guy to back off and spent the next couple minutes, consoling this poor teenager who was near tears and kept saying "If he told me what he wanted I would have gotten it for him."
                          That poor employee. I know how he feels.

                          Mad props to your husband.
                          Unseen but seeing
                          oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
                          There isn't enough interpretive dance in the workplace these days-Irv
                          3rd shift needs love, too
                          RIP, mo bhrionglóid

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            BUT, But, but!

                            Quoth auntiem View Post
                            Wait - she called (presumably repeatedly) corporate to have them tell your sales floor people to not stock the shelves while the store is open? This brand of SC is also the ones that complain that "they can never find anyone to help" and/or "there isn't anymore x product on the shelves". I think these people think all sales floor staff should stand at the end of each aisle doing nothing but waiting for the opportunity to be their personal shopper.
                            Interesting enough there are store like that. You will find them in Holly-Wood, near Central Park in New York, and near the beaches in Miami. However, I have been in some of those stores. And I have seen the prices they have to charge to support so much staff.

                            Guess what this Queen would have screamed more about!

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