Laws That Should Be passed

[Lace Neil Singer]

I prefer to use the term "brat" as opposed to anything else... yes, I was a child, but I never called my parents "bitches" or "f***ing losers" as I have seen kids do on more than one occasion. I also knew that if I misbehaved in a store that my parents would take the store's side and anything I damaged I would pay for out of my own pocket money. I'd also get a smacking when we got home.

Going back ontopic (quite a feat!)...

Law 7. You handle it, you bought it. That's right; any piece of fruit that you choose to put your grubby paws over is now yours... which means that you have to pay for it. The same goes for anything your kids touch or you knock off a shelf.

Law 8. If you drop anything made of glass on the floor and don't tell anyone, our secret camera will pick it up and as you try to walk away a security guard will appear and rub your face into the mess on the floor. Then you will have to clean it up. On your next visit to us, you have to wear the "I am a messy moron" t-shirt.

Law 9. If your child is asking you to take him/her to the toilet, you take him/her. No exceptions. If you ignore him/her and he/she messes the floor, you will be made to clear it up as well as be forced to make a public apology to your kid for traumatising him/her.

Law 10. If you ever tell a cashier "Hurry up, my ticket's about to run out!" in a rude, nasty way, we will have to keep you within the store until we see the ticket inspector place a ticket on your car. This is to impress upon you that it's not our fault; it's your fault for not organising yourself better. The only person who can get round the supermarket in 1 hour on a weekend day is Superman. Unless you are him, you put in 2 hours and stop being such a stinge.

[aqutalion]

#) Anyone who uses the phrase "But I could make that myself!" will be required to actually make one before being allowed to shop here again.

[ladodger34]

This is from a customer's POV (and because one of my really good friends was a cart attendant in college)....

If there is a cart corral thingy nearby, take the extra minute and put your cart in the corral. It really doesn't take that much longer. I promise! Look, I hate it when I pull up to a parking space and find a cart in it. I don't want my car being damaged because of your laziness. I don't want to jump out of my car in the middle of a parking lot just to move your cart. It pisses me off even more when the cart corral is in the next spot.

I guess I have to come up with some penalties now. I guess the simplest penalty is to have the offenders have to park far away in a special "I can't take the extra minute to put my cart away so now I have to walk an extra 10 minutes" lot.

Note: I've been in some parking lots where cart corrals are few and far between. I can sort of understand not taking the time (though I usually try to do it myself). This is more related to places like Wally World or Target where there are corrals like every 50 yards and on both sides of the aisles.

[Imogene]

No, I can't make change. No, whoever did it for you last time is not Me, and, seeing as the store policy is 'no one gets change out of the safe unless it is for a drawer (our drawers, before anyone says anything)," I am not going to just 'open the drawer to get you a handful of ones, or a couple quarters. In part, because I can't open the drawers without a purchase, mostly, because I hate you. Particulary when you're from a kiosk in the middle of the mall, during Christmas. Tell your manager to stock your cash drawers better. We are not a bank. And, if we were, we would charge interest.


Bringing a shopping cart into our store from Old Navy will result in an immediate ban from the store. The aisles aren't wide enough for your fat jeans... much less Old Navy's superwide carts. Now, I can squeeze through the smallest holes in the labyrinth of customers, but even I have problems going around a cart.

Asking about the 'mystical back room' gets you chained to the desk in there. For a year, or at least through Christmas.

Ooh! Special requests for us to hold trend in the back room when we see it come through the shipment is not going to happen. We will put it on the floor, and you will march your dumpy little ass down to sift through what we have once you get here. And, getting angry at me for finding what I assumed was your only box of holds when the deal is not between you and myself, is going to get your holds put back in the back room until you get the hell out of my store, and then they will go back on the shelves. There are other people out there who want that Jack Skellington figurine, or that Gonzo exclusive variant... and won't bitch and whine about the tiniest little chip in his eye socket, then go rifle through the rest of the ones we have in, when myself and the manager on duty can't even see the scratch.

[KayEm]

KayEms Laws:

Offence- Leaving an item where it doesn't belong.

This problem will be solved by a microchip type device planted inside every single item. If item is placed in it's proper spot, no problem, everythings kopacetic. However, if item if left someplace it doesn't belong by a lazy bastard customer, the aforementioned microchip will emit a million volts of electricity to the idiot customer (or however many it takes !), and will keep repeating until item is placed back where it belongs.

The history of Pavlov proves this to be a most reliable invention.

However, for those remaining few stubborn lazy bastard customers, a public horsewhipping is the final punishment for the above offense.


Offence-Anyone making unneccessary noise (this includes adults as well as children)

Since studies have shown that working in an environment of peace and quiet is most beneficial to employees, customers will now maintain an aura of quiet, much as one expects in libraries and monostaries. Any diviation from this rule will result in the closest employee shoving a rolled up pair of socks down the offenders throat.

Further violations will result in the noisy bastard being publically horsewhipped by the employees who have had to suffer broken eardrums because of the unneccessary and excessive noise.


New Rules: The longstanding tradition of employees being required to bow and scrape and kiss customer ass has henceforth been revoked. The reverse will now be the common rule. The customer will now bow and scrape and kiss the employees ass.

Failure to comply will result in public horsewhipping AND a million volts of electricity applied to the body for good measure.

[fizzgig]

We've been down this road before.
Apparently, we need a road map.

Terms like "crotch dropping," etc. are disgusting. Say child or even brat but refrain from the nastiness.

You were all children once. It's highly likely that when you were you annoyed someone- perhaps by your mere existance.

Those of us who are parents would like some for ourselves and our children.

thank you night angel, i know my kids are more than they still do behave besides they need their devilish horns to keep their halo's on straight

fizzy

[fizzgig]

Mine is:

No I won't throw in a free tape or battery or whatever else you want. The more you ask, the higher I get to turn the voltage on the nipple clamps I'll put on you.

i like this one

[theredbaron47]

All my laws boil down to are respect and manners, plain and simple.

--> If you throw money or a card at me or on the counter, you get the change or card thrown back at you or on the counter.

--> If you are rude with me, I will be just as rude to you... possibly ruder, depending on the situation and circumstances.

--> If you treat me like a mindless peon, I will do only the bare minimum the store requires me to do for you, and ->absolutely<- nothing more above and beyond the call of duty.

Whatever happened to "do unto others how you would have them do unto you"?

[Kusanagi]

Then that would be your right to your own feelings, but we just ask that you keep it off this board, thanks.

Fair enough

[Plaidman]

I don't have too many...

Law 1: If you want thirty pounds of your crap in one plastic bag, no double or multiple bags, you will be required to carry said stuff two at a time walking home when the bag easily breaks, even though you were warned about it.

Law 2: You steal beer from, I hit you with baseball bat. (Atucally done, haven't been caught on camera yet XD)

Law 3: If you bitch and whine when I can't take it since we don't sell it, it will be shoved up your ass.

[HappyCthulhu]

This is one of the funniest signs I've seen yet.

[Rapscallion]

Law 2: You steal beer from, I hit you with baseball bat. (Atucally done, haven't been caught on camera yet XD)

That didn't happen while you were a member of this forum, I trust. We don't condone violence except in self-defence.

Rapscallion

[Ree]

Law 2: You steal beer from, I hit you with baseball bat. (Atucally done, haven't been caught on camera yet XD)

Just to point out, we don't codone taking the law into our own hands when it comes to thieves, and that includes violence against them.

I despise thieves, too, but that isn't the way to deal with it.

[moekosowl]

Law 322: You stare at my chest, I make you look silly by saying "Hi, I'm up HERE" (*gestures toward eyes*) with one of THOSE smiles.

[One Of Many]

ahh #9 I just had a customer the other day.. with our system at work, some items don't have a barcode and we have to search for it which isn't always the easiest thing.. so he had to do the whole grinning " well if there's no price on it, it must be free right?" not only did he say it once.. but twice.. har har, buddy. no.