I don't get it .....

[Pony_Boy]

*** ok lets keep this out of fratching territory please*****


So my friend J is pretty much ready to go ballistic on her ex. I mean it sounds like her and her friends are forming a lynch mob to go after him by the way they're acting up about this.

What did the poor guy do? He signed up for a dating site and one of the pictures he used in his profile is one of him with his daughter ( I think she's 18 months old) J is the girls mother.

For what its worth its a really cute picture of them and very tasteful as are all his pictures.

I really don't understand what the big deal is or how its different from J putting dozens of pictures of her daughter on facebook including a few as her profile pictures.

of course I can't say anything because "I don't have kids" which another pile of bullshit but I'll leave that for another post

[Becks]

I can understand why she's upset, but I'm not articulate enough to explain why.

[kibbles]

I think J is just being a *insert appropriate word here*, her ex is being upfront and honest that he has a child, and I think that's a good thing IMO.

[dalesys]

I can understand why she's upset, but I'm not articulate enough to explain why.

I can expostulate a few:

Mine! Mine! Mine!

How dare the nethermost ebil be allowed to appear caring and sensitive?


If he had any redeeming qualities, of course I wouldn't have kicked him to the curb.

Etc. etc, etc.


Basically, it's damned hard (and anti-supported socially) to be fair or thoroughly honest about an ex.

[AnaKhouri]

Well, there is a difference between putting pics of your child on Facebook, where (hopefully) you have set it so only your friends can see them, and putting them on a dating site where all kinds of strangers can see them.

However, the girl is his kid too, so he can do what he likes with pics of her.

J should politely ask him to remove the picture and explain why it makes her uncomfortable, not go all Ricki Lake on his ass. That's incredibly immature.

[dalesys]

Nudge them that such an expedition could get them locked up.



I had to collect my 21 year old daughter from the South Jordan police station at 3AM one morning after a similar expedition defending a 17 year old friend (with an actually justifiable cause) and she and her girlfriend (also 21) were almost charged with "Contributing to the deliquency of a minor", "Making terroristic threats", and "Brandishing a firearm."

Her mother lived 6 miles from the cop shop... I was nearly 20...

[Der Cute]

People are irrational, that's my non-fratching explanation.

[Greenday]

I don't see any wrong done. He's being upfront and honest on the site that he has a kid. I mean, I wouldn't want to meet someone and later find out they have a kid. I can't stand kids and lying to me like that would be a waste of my time.

Sounds like she just needs to realize that the kid isn't just HER kid.

[BookstoreEscapee]

I can understand if she just doesn't want her kid's pic on the site because it makes her uncomfortable (IOW, if it's really about the kid), but if that's the issue she should be a grownup and explain that to him and ask him to please not post the kid's picture. He can mention that he has a kid in his profile without using a picture of her. But it sounds like her issue is more that she's pissed he's on a dating site in the first place.

[notlovinit]

This sounds exactly like someone's conversation I overheard once. There was two 20 yr old girls (just guessing, that's how old they looked) with tiny babies (I'm not good at estimating age there, but young enough they couldn't crawl yet) talking about the baby daddies. One girl was mad that her baby daddy took their baby to hang out with his new girlfriend, because she didn't want her baby getting too used to this girl and then leave the baby's life or have new girls in and out of the baby's life. This would be a reasonable objection if the baby was old enough, but as old as it was at the time - it had no idea what was going on. None. The mother was just jealous of the new girlfriend and it sounds like this is the case with the girl in your post at well. She is just upset about the ex moving on and is looking for ANYTHING that will get other people on her side over it. She knows no one is going to lynch him for moving on, but they might if the baby is involved.

[ArcticChicken]

In theory, on FB only people who would get to see pics in real life have access, and on a dating site anyone could see, but I gotta agree with BookstoreEscapee on this one, the real (subconscious) reason is probably that he's on a dating sight at all, and this is just a convenient excuse.

[Shangri-laschild]

My sister's ex only asks to take his daughter when he wants to show her off to a new girlfriend. My sister reasonably dislikes their daughter only being used as a ploy to impress women. However despite my dislike of him, if he used a picture with the two of them for a dating site, that's up to him. Not saying this is how the guy in question is, just illustrating my opinion that even if the guy was at the crap dad end of the spectrum, it's more trouble reacting and trying to change things than it is to just let it be in this type of case.

[taxguykarl]

I agree with most here. She's upset that her ex is getting on with his life but she apparently isn't.