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How Not to Get Hired 101

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  • I think I've worked out why we're terribly short-handed at work, if today's CV was anything to go by.

    1) fail to proofread/spell-check
    (misspelled old job-titles)
    2) fail to follow directions repeatedly
    (advert specifically said to email covering letter and CV).
    3) complain about how not following directions didn't work for snowflake
    (bitched on cover letter how they'd rung several times and only got voicemail - hint, that's why the directions were to use email only..)
    4) have a job history that makes you look like a job-hopper, without having the sense to either drop some of the shorter jobs off the CV or explain why the role was so short
    (most projects here last for 2-3 years, if you've got several 1 year roles, that better be because you were covering maternity leave or similar!)
    5) fail to explain _why_ you would be a good fit for our company in your covering letter
    (because we do X type of projects is not enough, I know we do X type of pojects, what I'm looking for is your covering letter explaining that you've got N years experience of x type of projects...)
    6) And finally, have such a poorly written CV that I get called in to translate it.

    Comment


    • wear shorts to an interview they hire u anyways


      the on your first day of training wear shorts again after being told not to then having HR come in to speak to the class and point it out to everyone lol.

      It was a call center business casual.

      and they closed we can all guess why.

      Comment


      • Quoth raw1989 View Post
        wear shorts to an interview they hire u anyways


        the on your first day of training wear shorts again after being told not to then having HR come in to speak to the class and point it out to everyone lol.

        It was a call center business casual.

        and they closed we can all guess why.
        wut
        ?

        10char
        AkaiKitsune
        Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

        Comment


        • Two words: Comic Sans.
          Skilled programmers aren't cheap. Cheap programmers aren't skilled.

          Comment


          • Quoth Rosco the Iroc View Post
            wut
            ?

            10char
            per the hand book no shorts of any kind could be worn I don't know who gave him a job but anyways less then 3 months in and the center closed because the company they were contract for pulled the contract guess who still hasn't gotten my last check glad I left when I did

            Comment


            • Be my old boss at the dealership I quit and when I had an honest to goodness exit interview and ask the main reason for quitting I said just his name and HR didn't flinch. Same reason the last 4 people quit parts. Two were there 8+years. Should be a indicator you have an issue.

              Answer the phone when I needed a part from them and hit me up for a part time job after he finally retires from there in 3 months and before he moves to AZ.
              1- I wasn't offering work, nor will I for a while
              2-no no no no!

              *insert "you dense motherfucker" meme here*
              This was 3 days ago I'm still giggling.
              AkaiKitsune
              Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

              Comment


              • Bit of context here: we look for people who are licensed in whatever field they're in to act as mentors. They need to either have no conditions, or if they DO have conditions, they need to otherwise not impact on their ability to do this sort of work. (For example, if one of the conditions is simply "complete a course in <blah> in the next 12 months," we'll actually look at your application, whereas something like below will result in it getting tossed in the circular file )

                With this in mind, some of the doozies of late:

                - Not even be licensed to practice in Australia. (They were licensed overseas)

                - Have conditions on your license that make it impossible for you to do the role. (I won't go into *too* much detail, but basically they needed to be supervised at all times)

                - Live interstate, yet somehow do work for hospitals in our current state (as in, they're currently employed by one of the hospitals, yet their address is interstate)

                ETA: Also, violating the code of conduct for your profession by posting some questionable comments on social media will result in your application getting tossed in the circular file by me.
                Last edited by LadyofArc; 04-09-2018, 10:25 AM.

                Comment


                • Question - When resumes are tossed in the circular file, what do you do, if anything, to keep those names on a list so a later submission, after their info leading to the dumpage, has been forgotten?

                  Comment


                  • Quoth Minflick View Post
                    Question - When resumes are tossed in the circular file, what do you do, if anything, to keep those names on a list so a later submission, after their info leading to the dumpage, has been forgotten?
                    Yup, although I also do recognise that people can change. So if for example, those questionable comments were 20+ years old, I'd do a little more probing and find out if they've changed since. If the comments are more recent...yeah, no.

                    Comment


                    • Lie about your past and fail your background check.

                      Yes you maybe only mostly washing cars in the reconditioning dept. But you will be handed keys to new and very expensive cars here at Le-Dee-Dodge.
                      9 of 10 people failed this week. For Multiple felonies they did not admit. This is not that mailbox you trashed from 30 years ago.
                      This weeks winner- 3 years ago unlic medical actions and writing fake prescriptions. 5 counts total.
                      AkaiKitsune
                      Sarcasm dear, sarcasm. I’m well aware that dealing with civilians in any capacity will skin your faith in humanity alive, then pickle anything that remains so as to watch it shrivel up into an immortal husk thus reminding you of how dead inside you now are.

                      Comment


                      • Quoth Rosco the Iroc View Post
                        This weeks winner- 3 years ago unlic medical actions and writing fake prescriptions. 5 counts total.
                        Whoa!

                        I can just see the follow-up:

                        Interviewer: You said no felonies?
                        Applicant: That's right.
                        Interviewer: What about this thing 3 years ago?
                        Applicant: Oh, I forgot about that. [or] What, that counts?
                        Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you speak with the Fraud department. -- CrazedClerkthe2nd
                        OW! Rolled my eyes too hard, saw my brain. -- Seanette
                        she seems to top me in crazy, and I'm enough crazy for my family. -- Cooper
                        Yes, I am evil. What's your point? -- Jester

                        Comment


                        • Now if you can reply like the Fairy Godfather, Bruce's minions, Guido and Nunzio, "No convictions." it's OK.
                          I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
                          Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
                          Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

                          Comment


                          • "How many times have you been arrested?"
                            "Oh, three... maybe four dozen times... but no convictions."
                            "You've been arrested nearly fifty times with no convictions?"
                            "No witnesses."

                            Great series.
                            Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you speak with the Fraud department. -- CrazedClerkthe2nd
                            OW! Rolled my eyes too hard, saw my brain. -- Seanette
                            she seems to top me in crazy, and I'm enough crazy for my family. -- Cooper
                            Yes, I am evil. What's your point? -- Jester

                            Comment


                            • Pick up your phone (landline) to make a call and get a "Your service has been suspended" message.



                              That was me this morning.

                              And yet my phone and internet are bundled and my internet worked fine ...

                              Called my ISP (a local company) who could not find any problem (we both wondered if somebody with a very, very similar phone number was the one who should've been suspended) and within seconds my phone service was back, with many apologies.

                              I have no reason to believe anybody called during those few hours of non-service, but if somebody did ... that wouldn't have helped my job search.

                              THIS is why I prefer email contact.
                              Customer service: More efficient than a Dementor's kiss
                              ~ Mr Hero

                              Comment


                              • Quoth Deserted View Post
                                "How many times have you been arrested?"
                                "Oh, three... maybe four dozen times... but no convictions."
                                "You've been arrested nearly fifty times with no convictions?"
                                "No witnesses."

                                Great series.
                                I might not have hired them but we'd definitely be going for coffee.
                                Don't waste time trying to convince someone that the sky is blue.

                                Comment

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